Back to heartsupport

My life, Oblivion (Ramble)


#1

There are so many differant thing going in in my life right now. I’m usually the strong & brave one but lately I’ve been weak & broken. I wish I could just let everything go but instead I shove it down inside & just let it eat me alive! I’m lonely even tho I’m in a relationship & have friends/family. I wake up, I sit by myself, I drive to work, I work on a machine for 10 fucking hours a day for a place that doesn’t appreciate the work I do, then go home & hang out alone until I have to shower & go to sleep. My gf & I live together but work opposite shifts so we barely get to see each other. I have some friends but we are all older, own jobs/familys so we don’t talk or hang out much anymore. I have a few people I talk to on live stream but it’s not like we are actually together & I can’t express my feelings with 50 other people in a chat. I’m kind of just rambling cuz I don’t know what else to do… Back to the job… I make good money & work OT but am still over my head in bills/debt that just keeps piling up as the weeks go on. I’m not happy… I’m to stressed & worn out to be happy. I try my best to stay above water but I am drowning. I have a few pretty serious medical issues that I’m just to much of a pussy to take care of… That & I don’t have the $$… Sometime I think to myself that I’m not even worth the time/$$/medical supplies anyway… I’m fat as fuck… I’ve dealt with it all my life. I eat bad food & alot of sweets then beat myself up for it. Next day I’ll be like yeah I’m gonna start eating better & loosing weight but give it a week & I’m eating a fucking pizza again.So my gf has things that occupy her time, sometimes more then I’d like. I am the one who cleans, does the laundry, grocery shopping & pretty much what ever else while she just chills. Our days off are usually differant so she usually has worked on the day I’m cleaning & stuff but on her days off she doesn’t do shit… I’ve been caught talking to other girls in the past but have changed alot. In the past few years I’ve done what I can to show her that I’m the honest guy she fell in love with. But she can’t seem to let the past go & I feel the resentment is holding us back. I wish I could just go away for like a week, no bills, no worries, no body & just try to relax a little. I’m always so stressed & up tight. I am afraid of death but I don’t want to go on like this. Somethings gotta give soon… If you actually read this, props to you. I doubt it even makes sense…


#2

Hey man I relate to this oh so much. You are not alone. I’m awake right now stressing over money, friends, family… life. It’s a shitty feeling, feeling like nothing is going right. I’m not taking care of myself or my wife and kids the way i would like. My head is spinning with stress and it affects every aspect of life. I wish I had some encouragement for you but I guess all I can say is we aren’t alone and this is a good place to just let it out. I hope things get better for you. Just take it a day at a time.


#3

Was really hoping for someone to reach out to me on this 1… :confused:


#4

Thanks I appreciate it!!


#5

Hey @ThaT1GuY I can relate to you situation some what. The same routine everyday with nothing to change. I am doing sort of the same but my work has dropped my hours because of money problems. which i understand and will be fine. I have some advice for your breaking out of the eating unhealthy. First thing is first… I hate saying this but cut the pizza out. (SHOT THREW THE HEART!) man that even hurt me saying it. But yeah have a pizza once every other weekend its okay. But seriously cut back on certain things. eat more salads. Put the veggies you do not like that are really healthy for you in those things. You would be surprised at how just changing your eating habits will change your emotional and mental life. Start off small cut one thing here and there. Like cut out soda and only drink water from now on save the soda for the weekends.

I have started just paying things off in larger amounts yes I am not getting much for play money but I am saving every penny that i have left over.

I’m sorry that there is a strain on your relationship. the past thing from my experience is being honest. compliments and hugs go a long way. Say i love you randomly.

I hope this was some help my friend! See you on the streams!

MorganVinHoch


#6

Thanks for reaching out man. It truly means alot. I’m just stuck in a rut right now. I will take all of your advice into consideration. I have been trying pretty hard to turn everything around.


#7

Hey @ThaT1GuY, I’m a lot like you. I want to be the strong solid person, but with so much shit in my life I break down at times. And that’s okay. We can’t be strong all the time. We’re strong because we’ve been weak. I’m not the weight I’d like to be, and I’ve tried going on a diet and failing. But if you think from the start you’re going to fail, it’s just setting you up for failure on the this try. Going on a diet isn’t easy, and you break it all the time, but keep trying. Try meal prep. Remember what you want and fight for it. What you are on the outside doesn’t change who you are on the inside.
And you shouldn’t just shove everything down. You dont deserve that. Post on here whenever you want, and talk to your gf as soon as you get the chance. Confront her about how you feel with the way she’s been acting. Love can blind you, so ask yourself whether she has been holding up her end of the relationship bargain. She should be helping out with the work at home too. Try talking, and if you cant, text or hell, send letters! " “Things fall apart if you don’t look after them.” - Inferno
You’re tired of everything, but that only means you’ve been fighting. Take care of yourself, because you are a strong and wonderful person.


#8

No problem! Remember one step at a time. dont try to make such massive changes, small changes are easy to control and handle. Keep us updated!