I have for some time gone back & forth about posting my story on the wall, but I honestly think I need to process things & hopefully…move past the self doubt, depression & negative thoughts towards myself go. I believe that I am in the right place to tell my story & it might be kinda lengthy for some…but it’s time.
I am a child of two parents who did the best they could for me to have a good childhood. In my later years in high school, my dad assaulted my mother in an extremely violent way. (Here’s the first checkpoint & detailed story, if you need that as you read.) I was homeschooled growing up & there was a drama group that I was involved in. My character in the play I was in at the time had to drink from a flask. One of the things we did as a family, watched SNL (Saturday Night Live), ya know…when it was good. Anyways, there was one of the cast members that drank out of a flask. My dad asked me what it was & I told him. He asked me how I knew that & I told him it was because my character in my drama group drank out of one as well. He yelled at my mom & asked her why she let me join a group that would let me do that. It was late at night & I went to the bathroom to get ready to head to bed. I heard a loud thud & wasn’t quite sure what it was. I later found out that it was my dad hitting my mom’s head against the wall in the living room. I opened the bathroom door to tell him to stop hurting her & he came raging toward me. I honestly blanked out the next few minutes because I couldn’t believe it was happening. I remember my dog barking because she hadn’t experienced anything like this either. The next thing I can remember was my dad basically throwing my mom out the door. I yelled at my dad that I was going with her because why in the world would I want to stay with him? I went out to my mom who was lying in the front yard & she whispered to not talk until he went into the house so we could walk to a friend’s house that lived close by. I remember it being incredibly cold & not wearing clothes to keep me warm. I was freezing & my teeth were literally chattering together. When we finally got to my friend’s house, my mom & I remembered that they were gone for the weekend. We went back to my house & drove to a family friend’s house. I remember looking at my mom’s face. It was all sorts of colors. It looked so painful. I remember crying when we pulled up & my mom asked me to go ring the doorbell while she had a moment to herself. I couldn’t get out the words. “My dad…my mom…” I don’t remember what I said after that, but I guess I got my point across. My parents eventually got back together, but it wasn’t ever really the same. My dad passed away in June 2010. I went to college. I made some lifelong friends. I moved out. Things probably wouldn’t have happened, if my dad was still alive.
When I was in college, I was naive. I downloaded an app where you could post anonymously & people can reply back. I would post on there when I just needed to get a random thought out or something along those lines. I don’t remember what the post was, but a man replied to my post. We talked back & forth for a few days, then he said he wanted to meet up & get to know me better. (Here’s your next checkpoint. TW: SA) I met up with him at his apartment. We sat on his couch & talked about all of the things I was interested in & all of the things I wanted to do with my life. It happened on the second day I went over to his place. I second-guessed myself more than I can count. I thought, “this isn’t how people are SA’ed, is it? Did that really just happen to me?” I later found out there was another girl with that he was doing the same thing. She & I both went to the police. Nothing was done about it. He vanished & wasn’t ever caught or charged for what he did. I now reflect on it & I truly believe that he was prepping me for human trafficking or something along those lines. I am so thankful that I got away from him.
If you read all of that, thank you. You didn’t have to read all of that. I am in a much better place than ever before. I am doing what I love to do: help others. I get to be a part of this community that we call HeartSupport. I get to become a teacher. I get to fly among the stars. It might have taken some time to get here, but it was worth it. Please remember: you are amazing, you are loved, you are valid, you are strong, you are enough, you are important, you are worthy, you are awesome, you are wonderful & most of all…you matter.
-StarFox 
