My Life Story (It isn't the end) TW: SA / Random sorts of Trauma - especially childhood trauma

I have for some time gone back & forth about posting my story on the wall, but I honestly think I need to process things & hopefully…move past the self doubt, depression & negative thoughts towards myself go. I believe that I am in the right place to tell my story & it might be kinda lengthy for some…but it’s time.

I am a child of two parents who did the best they could for me to have a good childhood. In my later years in high school, my dad assaulted my mother in an extremely violent way. (Here’s the first checkpoint & detailed story, if you need that as you read.) I was homeschooled growing up & there was a drama group that I was involved in. My character in the play I was in at the time had to drink from a flask. One of the things we did as a family, watched SNL (Saturday Night Live), ya know…when it was good. Anyways, there was one of the cast members that drank out of a flask. My dad asked me what it was & I told him. He asked me how I knew that & I told him it was because my character in my drama group drank out of one as well. He yelled at my mom & asked her why she let me join a group that would let me do that. It was late at night & I went to the bathroom to get ready to head to bed. I heard a loud thud & wasn’t quite sure what it was. I later found out that it was my dad hitting my mom’s head against the wall in the living room. I opened the bathroom door to tell him to stop hurting her & he came raging toward me. I honestly blanked out the next few minutes because I couldn’t believe it was happening. I remember my dog barking because she hadn’t experienced anything like this either. The next thing I can remember was my dad basically throwing my mom out the door. I yelled at my dad that I was going with her because why in the world would I want to stay with him? I went out to my mom who was lying in the front yard & she whispered to not talk until he went into the house so we could walk to a friend’s house that lived close by. I remember it being incredibly cold & not wearing clothes to keep me warm. I was freezing & my teeth were literally chattering together. When we finally got to my friend’s house, my mom & I remembered that they were gone for the weekend. We went back to my house & drove to a family friend’s house. I remember looking at my mom’s face. It was all sorts of colors. It looked so painful. I remember crying when we pulled up & my mom asked me to go ring the doorbell while she had a moment to herself. I couldn’t get out the words. “My dad…my mom…” I don’t remember what I said after that, but I guess I got my point across. My parents eventually got back together, but it wasn’t ever really the same. My dad passed away in June 2010. I went to college. I made some lifelong friends. I moved out. Things probably wouldn’t have happened, if my dad was still alive.

When I was in college, I was naive. I downloaded an app where you could post anonymously & people can reply back. I would post on there when I just needed to get a random thought out or something along those lines. I don’t remember what the post was, but a man replied to my post. We talked back & forth for a few days, then he said he wanted to meet up & get to know me better. (Here’s your next checkpoint. TW: SA) I met up with him at his apartment. We sat on his couch & talked about all of the things I was interested in & all of the things I wanted to do with my life. It happened on the second day I went over to his place. I second-guessed myself more than I can count. I thought, “this isn’t how people are SA’ed, is it? Did that really just happen to me?” I later found out there was another girl with that he was doing the same thing. She & I both went to the police. Nothing was done about it. He vanished & wasn’t ever caught or charged for what he did. I now reflect on it & I truly believe that he was prepping me for human trafficking or something along those lines. I am so thankful that I got away from him.

If you read all of that, thank you. You didn’t have to read all of that. I am in a much better place than ever before. I am doing what I love to do: help others. I get to be a part of this community that we call HeartSupport. I get to become a teacher. I get to fly among the stars. It might have taken some time to get here, but it was worth it. Please remember: you are amazing, you are loved, you are valid, you are strong, you are enough, you are important, you are worthy, you are awesome, you are wonderful & most of all…you matter.

-StarFox :yellow_heart:


You are loved and you matter so much, friend!

Thank you for sharing your journey with us, and for sharing your story so bravely. I’m glad you’re in a better place now. I want to thank you for your caring heart, that shows up here and helps and supports so many others with your kindness and compassion. You definitely fly amongst the stars because you shine like the sun :slight_smile:
You’re loved!

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My Dear Friend
I am so grateful to you and pleased for you that you have indeed moved past the doubts etc and have been able to share your story. Thank you for trusting us. :green_heart:

I cannot imagine how it must have been to be that girl in high school listening to the yelling and that horrific fighting and how frightening it was go see your dad that angry, your mum hurt and to be trying to find a safe place that cold night. Neither you nor your Mum should have had to go through that and I am so sorry that you did. The memories of that clearly have stayed with you but I hope that you have managed to now put them in a place where they are kept away where they can no longer hurt you.
What happened to you in college was cruel and that person was so wrong and I too am truly thankful that you got away from him.
Star, you are such an amazingly strong and resilliant woman with a heart of gold and you have been through so much and come out fighting. Now you are indeed surrounded with love, comfort and strenghth. So now please allow us to be your support just as you have been ours for so long.
Love You, you absolutely awesome person
Lisa :green_heart:

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