When my last relationship ended (in a way so bad it still isn’t clear to me what went wrong) I felt incredibly alone. I missed almost if not all of my friends because of this girl I’ve been living with for 5 years of my life, and I found myself to be alone without her. I decided to go on despite being sick for months, thing that ended up in a really bad car accident I still don’t know how I managed to get out alive. I learned to live alone, satisfy my needs alone, go out alone, and enjoy my time alone.
I obviously, and fortunately, made friends along the way. I also reconnected with a lot of my old friends: we don’t hang out that much, but we do have a small talk sometimes. These people are the highlight of my life. However, something’s missing.
Being a loner is not a problem for me. I don’t see myself changing out of this way of living anytime soon. But in the last year or so the lack deep connection (real – not online) has started to get me a bit weary. Mostly the feelings of loneliness for me are equated with a desire for romantic partner but also other connections are missing, too. All my closest friends, which I met through photography and modelling, live a little bit far from me, and since we all work/go to college, it’s not easy to meet up that often. Apart from these people, I don’t have any friends (I don’t mean that in a light way, I really don’t have any) and I am single. I love my alone time and am completely comfortable with living alone but I have been finding lately that I want a friend or someone special to connect with and have a meaningful relationship with. I feel so paradoxical. When I find myself wanting this I tend to isolate myself until the feeling goes away but it always comes back worse than before. If I am fine with my alone time how can I want to form a bond with someone so strongly?
Even though I enjoy my time alone, I really am great as social skills go. I’m a talkative person, it’s quite rare that people don’t enjoy their time with me, however, I don’t go out that often. Given I haven’t had a free weekend in more than a year (because work), I feel like people have given up asking me out. I also have a hard time go out alone lately because I don’t enjoy parties that much, and I am really not the person that has sex just for fun. It’s just not the way that I am. I still go out alone from time to time (mostly gigs or similar), otherwise it’s saturday night at home.
My last year at college begins next week. It’s pretty scary, because I had a hard time arriving at this point, and it really sucks not having anyone to share the last days of my college years with. I really want to find my soulmate, not just someone to fill the spare time I have. I want someone to share my joy, my pain, my lazy days with. And I cannot see the way this could even happen. I know I’m not the standard guy you’d find at uni, but I feel like all the things my friends love about me are the main reason I don’t click with people. I haven’t had an invitation in years, like people enjoy the time spent with me, but I’m not their first choice when it comes to hang out.
I feel terribly alone. I don’t spend my time crying about this: I still work hard, study hard and workout a lot; I live a healthy life, people always ask for my advice, I’m a recognised fashion and photography guru for a lot people, but it all seems so meaningless without someone to share all of this with. I’m one of those people who like to see others happy, but it needs to be me for once. It sucks to be single on the last year of college, and I really don’t want to be anymore. Will I ever find my better half?
Frapioggia
It suck being single and not having firends. Im sorry about your relationship and the car crash man. It seems you have alot going for you thou which is the grat, but seem it that loneliness is getting to you. However, the last year of college is not the end all, you will always find connection with people. It also you workout, but maybe try a sport of hobby. That why you can connect with other people. Try find a hiking group on meetup.
You have a lot on your plate. I’m sure being so busy does make it hard, too. I’m sorry about your accident as well, but am so glad you made it out.
It’s okay to be not so standard. It’s worth it to find people you connect with on a deeper level and have common likes and interests. I personally have only two great friends I feel truly understand me, but when you do find them, it feels like enough. I dont want that to sound perfect either. Our friendships took a lot of work and we didnt always see so eye to eye, but roughly 10 years of work later and I’m a better person with them.
So I suppose my point is there, just try to get to know people with a few things in common. They may genuinely surprise you.
I hope you find your last year of college is something different and you make a few meaningful lasting relationships.