My mind drifts of me killing myself

Every day, i just want to kill myself. I hate this life and my life, I never feel joy or like anything I do. I get flashbacks every day. The mental health care in my state is terrible.

I just want to die. I don’t want to be here.

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The struggle of Being or living is arduous and difficult and I share that pain with you at times. We as humans, through my studies and faith, seek to have a purpose for fulfillment in life. We need something to grasp onto that can help us push forward in life. For me it is helping others in this life. Service to others as Christ served is a great way to take the constant self-reflection off of yourself and attune to the needs of others. Most of all know that you are not alone! It is easy to get stuck in a negative feedback loop of thinking no one can relate to your struggle, so you withdraw, causing the depression to persist and worsen. Know that people on HeartSupport do care for you immensely. You have worth, you are special, a treasure in God’s eyes.
You’re taking the first step which is opening up and talking to others which is great. Don’t beat yourself up either, and know that this is only a temporal matter, not the entirety of your life that you will be dealing with this negative emotion.

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In addition to what Colbs said, something that really helped me understand not only myself, but everyone else, is the Enneagram personality system. There’s a great book called The Road Back to You by Ian Cron that I cannot recommend enough. If you have found that personality systems are kind of BS, try this one out. It’s scary different and insightful.

i went through 26 years of depression and at least 10 of them were so bad i didn’t want to wake up in the morning cuz that meant i was still in pain. Now that i went through that i learned that it was a gift to me so that i could care about people in the same situation and i would willingly go through that agony of a life again just to make it here and tell you that i care about you. I dont know the details of your life, but i want to say that the harder you hurt now the bigger the heart you will have later and the purpose you have in life to love others and be a force for good and change is something you cant even imagine. You are in a valley but i dont want you to go through alone. i want to get to know you and share in that journey together. Plz let me know you are ok and let me be a pillar for you in life to lean on, just as someone once was for me, so that you can be the next pillar for someone else someday.

Hi friend,

I don’t know what it is you are going through that has caused you so much pain, but I know the hurt and pain of feeling like there is no hope and no will to carry on. Please know you aren’t alone. There are times and days where life can feel so difficult and dark. It can feel impossible to go on, but there is a light in all of this darkness. Keep fighting my friend. You are so important and so valued. I care for you. We are perfect strangers but I still care for you and want you to be okay. Please find something, anything that will give you any kind of strength to hang on. Whatever it is you are going through, your feelings are valid and matter. And we are here to listen.

Love you friend please stay strong.