I been dealing with suicidal thoughts alot lately and just talked with my mom and no one really seems to understand I’m not depressed and suicidal cuz if low self esteem I’m depressed and suicidal cuz I have depression and anxiety no one seems to get that I just don’t want to live and that I hide it all cuz I know if I did I’d be hurting people I love but not a day goes by where I don’t think I’ll make to 40 every day I have some sorta thought about either finally putting a bullet in my head or swallowing a bunch of pills there is no getting better from this there’s only suffering or death and so far I can put up with the suffering I don’t need the hotlines I’m safe I just need to get this outta my system I’m tired of everyone thinking they know how to fix my problems when they really don’t grasp what I’m dealing with
Hey there, @Derpplup, I’m sorry to hear that you feel like this. I know that a lot of the time it seems like no one knows what you’re going through, I’ve been there too. It is true that no one knows exactly what you’re going through but that doesn’t mean you’re alone. I know how heavy these feelings can be and it’s not good to hold onto all of them by yourself. No one really knows how to fix your problems, you probably don’t even know how to sometimes but that doesn’t mean there isn’t an answer, you just have to find one. There’s so much more to life than the darkness you’re going through. I know that so many people say “It gets better” over and over again but it’s true. It does get better. This part of your life is just a season and it will pass. Try to find something, no matter how big or small, to hold onto and help you pull through this. It could be the smallest of things, but it’s important to have something to hold onto. If you ever feel like you don’t have a reason to keep going, please come on here and reach out. There’s so many people on here who want to give support and love to you. Please remember that you’re never alone, friend. You always have a place to come and vent or rant. You mean the absolute world to me. 
Hi @Derpplup
I too am so sorry you are having such a hard time, no one knows exactly what you are going through because you are are your own person with your own story but as a community there are a lot of people here who can identify with some of what you are saying and you are are quite right to feel tired of people trying to fix you because all anyone other than a professional can do is listen, support and understand.
Both depression and anxiety are long hard roads to travel along and I hope that the people around you are taking it seriously. I do want to say though that although I do understand your frustrations sometimes people are just trying to be supportive and kind, it may not be exactly what you were hoping for but they are trying their best.
You are welcome to post anytime friend and I also hope that getting that out has made you feel slightly better.
Much Love
Lisa
I commend you for your strength my friend. I can see how much you’re hurting yet you’re hanging on incredibly. And all for who? Because you don’t want to hurt the people you love. That is extremely selfless & loving. You’re right, nobody knows what you’re experiencing or have been for a while now. How much hurt you’re going through. But just know people like you are the ones we could use more of. Selfless, puts others before themselves no matter how much they’re hurting. You’re honestly one we can all take a lesson from. It’s hard when we feel misunderstood by our loved ones, especially when it comes to this kind of hurt. Believe me, I find it very relatable. It may seem like they don’t care, but they’re not experiencing the same thing and might not know what course of action to take. At least that turned out to be the dilemma in my case. I realized it afterwards. But know that there are many people that care for you just like you care for others. You’re one of a kind my friend and we need you here 
Hi @Derpplup
Pretty much every single person who is or has been suicidal has felt the same things you do. You’re talking to people that don’t understand and of course they are going to be ignorant and say however well intended, things that don’t really help and make us feel misunderstood and even more alone. I know exactly how you feel.
I remember writing in my journal that I didn’t see myself living very much longer. That was a long time ago.
Can I ask what you are suffering with or from?
I have major depression,ocd, anxeity disorders, agoraphobia and and gender dysphoria my therapist also believes I might be on the autistic spectrum but I would like to get tested for that
I mate I was going through the same thing an year ago but today I am here well and fine and it was so courageous of you to talk about this to your mom great work for that and oh yes I had these thoughts like dying is the greatest way for escape and other things even I thought that it was a restart point for a better start but no its just an escapable loop of situations and its never an escape to anywhere, I know at this point you don’t fear dying anymore but the ways of that are your only hurdle but trust me my friend it’s not worth it, it might be some bad decisions or you are just not happy with your current situation and blaming it sounds means but sometimes its the case , there is nothing like instant death it’s always pain and suffering for everyone, and I don’t like hotlines too and never tried one, I typed all this to let you know I can understand you and If I do understand then please hang out with friends and escape toxic relations hang with whom you don’t even feel you are taunted even if you are taunted coz it’s just friendship and yes my friend then you will watch these thoughts go away not at once slowly they would go but will go for sure. If you have any other doubt about my experience or anything feel free to ask frankly cause this is a serious issue for only who is suffering this and seems to always hide facts about it thinking he is wrong no my friend its alright just let it out of your head with someone and feel good.
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