My mom is being very difficult to talkt to about my problems

Hi, it’s my first time here! This week has been especially difficult. My mom insists on me doing many assignments for school while I can’t even gather enough motivation to do the things I enjoy. Also when we argue, I feel like I can’t say anything. The only things that come to mind are words that would just offend her and that’s because she was offending me and calling me names in the first place. Still, today I could only manage stopping myself from saying anything stupid back to her when I scratched my wrist almost to blood. Now it hurts and I hate this feeling. I don’t think this is a healthy way of talking to her. I also cried a lot from half of today’s encounters with her. I don’t think I can live that way until I move out. It’s just too much.

Also, sometimes I get the urge to cut myself. I’ve been resisting it for a long time but it’s getting more difficult every time we argue. I’ve never been addicted to this and I can’t explain why I even want to. Usually at these moments I imagine my own death or damaging my body so I can go to hospital and get out of my house/get away from my student responsibilities. I’m scared of these thoughts.

And lastly, I know she means well but I can’t find a way to tell her that her behaviour is hurting me. I’ve tried telling her through hints and it only makes the situation worse. I am afraid of direct confrontation and I don’t know what to do.

2 Likes

Hey Maru,

This sounds like a pretty crumby situation and I only wish good vibes come your way. Arguing with our parents can always feel like an endless uphill battle… after all “i’m the parent and what I say goes.” It can be seriously frustrating, but as I’ve learned on my many trips around the sun is that meeting people where they are at and responding back with the energy (argument in this case) that they send to you just fuels the fire. Find your zone where you can learn to hear what you need to and filter out the rest, stay calm and walk away and vent your energy in another way.

The urge to cut has a lot of roots to it, but one of the major sources of the desire for this action is that you have a lot of intense emotions that haven’t been properly vented or dealt with and one way to release that tension is to do self harm. The visualizations of hurting yourself and ending up in the hospital are other manifestations of this.

Therefore, I would suggest when you do get into an arguement, try your best to find that spot you can stay in without succumbing to the emotions of the moment. Then if you have that huge energy still pent up in you, find a way to release it like exercise, listening to music, going for a walk, creating art, etc.

Lastly, talk about this with your mom. and be direct, but also be authentic and vulnerable. One of the worst things I did growing up with talking with my parents and even romantic relationships is I wouldn’t directly state what was bothering or hurting me and it always led to a blow up on my end. (why can’t they get that I’m feeling this way?!) It feels wrong to be direct about things, but in order to live a happy, fulfilled life you have to be confident in speaking up about how you feel and what you want.

If this doesn’t work, I’d head over to the school counselor and just have a quick chat with them about what you’re experiencing. These individuals by law have to have credentials in understanding mental health and sensitive situations - they’ll be able to help in more ways than this platform can.

1 Like

Thank you so much for the advice! Fortunately, I have a small group of friends to whom I can talk to about some of my problems. I will also try to implement your method of releasing the negative energy through art, it is something I’ve wanted to try for some time now.
The part about talking authentically to my mom feels really difficult though after your encouragement and a talk with the school counselor I feel like it’s not completely impossible. Thanks again, your message gave me new hope.
:heart:

1 Like

Hello @maru Welcome to Heart Support!

If you are uncomfortable telling her face to face, you could write her a letter. It will allow you to tell her exactly how you feel without her interrupting or emotions getting out of control. You can leave it somewhere for her to find or hand it to her.

There are videos on youtube and webpages that talk about healthy ways to cope with the strong emotions you’re experiencing. You don’t have to hurt yourself. It does nothing but leave a scar and cause more problems. I’m proud of you for fighting it off!

This is a symptom of depression, but it can also be caused by other things. You would have to be diagnosed. One way to get past this is to force yourself to do the things that you’re having a hard time doing. It’s really hard to do and takes a lot of effort, but you can do it.

You matter!

This method seems easier so I can consider it but I still need more time. I would need to have everything thought through and organized so I am sure she can understand my feelings.
Also it’s so nice to hear someone is proud of me not cutting myself. Nobody I talk to knows about this problem and a person noticing it and saying they are proud… It’s really comforting.
And thanks for reasurring me that I matter. I really needed to hear that.

1 Like

Right, take your time and really think about what you want her to hear.

We are all proud of you here and we also care about you. Please feel to come back as much as you need to for support and please keep us updated.

1 Like