From fenderre: Hello guys, this have been going on for a few years. My mom talks about how I’m a parasite leeching off of their money and tells me to go outside and kill my self. What should I do to convince her to stop saying those things? Im sorry idk how to explain it
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I am very sorry to hear that you are going through this.
I have learned that no matter how hard we try to change the words that are spoken to us from others we tend to start beleiving them. Instead try to focus on why you are not a parasite. Focus on your positive attributes and perhaps try to expand your friend circle or group to folks that will lift you up.
I hope this helps alitte as I can relate to this myself.
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Hey @fenderre,
Thank you so much for posting here. It’s okay if words are difficult to find in this situation. You actually expressed yourself very clearly - no worries!
It must have been so hard to deal with the things that your mother say about you. With a parent, we expect them to be unconditionally loving and caring, while hearing that you are a “parasite” is very hurtful as well as telling you to end your life. Coming from a home where my mom always left us mixed up messages - between moments of pure hatred then love - I can assure you that what your mom tells you is not okay, and you are not at fault in any way. She may have her own struggles to deal with, but the way she copes with her own emotions shouldn’t be at your own expense. When she tells you to disappear, she is wrong, and it doesn’t reflect how worthy of love and care you are.
Unfortunately, you may not be able to change her or the things she says. Not because you wouldn’t be able to personally, but because her issues may be beyond the type of connection you could provide. If you feel like it is safe for you to try to have an honest conversation about the things she says, and to express how you feel about it, then that’s really good and probably something to try out. But if on the other hand you feel like you tried already or that she is not listening to you, then it may be better to try to ask for some external support. If your other parent living with you? Do you have older siblings who don’t live at your home anymore and may be able to listen to you and help? Or even a trusted uncle/aunt/grandparent? If needed, it’s also okay to reach out to a counselor at school, or to an anonymous hotline. What you are going through at home is not how it should be, and healthy parenting is not what your mom does. All in all, it’s okay to ask for help - even if it’s scary - so you wouldn’t have to carry all of these burdens just on your own shoulders. You deserve to feel safe, loved and cared for at home.