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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Monsters by Shinedown
My monsters are VERY real. Unfortunately, I can’t remember much of my childhood. The man pretending to be my father was always the true monster
It sounds like you could have so many feelings of betrayal and anger- a man pretending to be your father. To be betrayed or to be lied to by someone who you saw as such a pivotal figure in your life could’ve been foundation-crushing. You said he was always the true monster, so I take it he wasn’t a positive figure in your life. To have that loss of who he should’ve been-- or what a father could’ve been for you-- I really can’t imagine the depths of that pain. The monsters sound very real. Blocking out your childhood memories to self-protect- your brain must been shielding you from so much. In that memory blocking and within that betrayal and shock-- you have gotten through it. You have survived. You brain’s natural defense mechanisms have worked to shield you from whatever is in your past.
The monsters are VERY real- but I believe love is also very real. There is love for you that’s stronger than the betrayal and shock and abuse of this man you thought was your dad. I am so sorry that you don’t remember most of your childhood, but I hope there are so many new bright memories ahead for you to rebuild on the cracked foundations that this surprise may have spoiled. Whatever you have gone through in your past does not define your future or what is possible for you! Thank you for sharing with us at HeartSupport!
I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve experienced so much hurt and trauma at such a young age. To feel as if we’re fighting to survive and to be betrayed by those who are supposed to love us is such an unfamiliar and painful thing to feel. If you’re comfortable opening further at all I would love to be able to talk with you more about the man who pretended to be your father and help you with learning how to process and heal from his actions. At times where I’ve felt my monsters are so real that I can’t fight anymore I hold onto my identity. There is power in reminding yourself who you are, the God who loves you, and the person you have become. The past will always hold hurt, but the good and bad thing about the past is that it is done. The hurt we faced at that time has no power over us and does not have a place in our present or in our future. When the painful memories or mental spirals try to take control of us and drag us back to our weaker times, we have the ability to take those thoughts captive. When our monsters are real, we can see them and we can attack them. You are not your past and you are so much more than the evils that you faced. The strength you hold within yourself in unmatched. Keep your head up high my friend, you are so brave and so loved <3