Deep down I have a drive to make things better for myself. I get the motivation and it lasts maybe 4 days then I dwindle back into my mind over and over again. The river of thoughts and lack of self esteem drives me deeper into the mud. This constant battle affects me mentally, physically and spiritually which all play into this journey of life. I bottle everything in just like I did in the military, it seems to be the only way it works. “Men aren’t supposed to talk about their feelings!” That embedded concept drives me crazy. Being a father, husband and bread winner for my family takes precedence over how I feel about myself and life. I hit these walls daily, I lie to myself and the booze only gives me headaches and makes me feel like shit the next day. Welcome to 30’s…
I’m so sorry you are going through these feelings right now. I believe you should be allowed to express yourself and discuss your feelings just like anyone else. It reads like you are pretty burned out right now:
I’ve never been in your shoes but I know I have struggled with depression and burn out in the past. The best thing I did was set boundaries with my spouse and tell them what is affecting me. Some days that did require me saying “hey I’m not feeling good I’m going to hang out in the room and listen to music” and just get myself into a mental state where I could participate with my family and not feel bad about feeling bad.
Anyways I hope things get easier, I agree alcohol has never made me feel any better, just made me feel bad the next day. Maybe try to find something you like to do to unwind and see if you can get uninterrupted 30 minutes at least to yourself.
From: DanMakesHisMark (Heartsupport) (Discord)
Bottling things up will perpetuate this kind of reaction to situations. I’m sure it’s incredibly frustrating and doesn’t feel like there is an end, but that isn’t true. You can always reach out here and share what you’re feeling. I’m proud of you for opening up in this way, I would encourage you to check out what Heartsupport is doing in the veteran community over at Join The Coalition—Veteran Mental Health Resources You’re loved.
From: Ashley- (Discord)
Hi friend and thank you for sharing with us. Bottling things up even if its what we’re trained to do, or believe we should do is a really harmful thing for us, and I want to let you know I’m proud of you for reaching out. It’s especially hard when concepts like that have been embedded into our brains, it takes a bit of rewiring for our brain to learn and adjust to something different. While I’m not a veteran, I did spend a lot of time bottling up my feelings and things I was dealing with until it would literally make me sick. Reaching out to people helped, understanding that I wasn’t “less” because of what I was dealing with. Reaching out is hard, but you deserve to be listened to and heard friend.
From: listening2day (Discord)
I think many of us do the first part: go over things again and again in our own thoughts. I have found this tends to have me think about it from one perspective: the way my own mind thinks about it. I like my mind so then I sort of agree with myself. Which then can send me down a path of more one perspective thinking! So add that with bottling it up? And it is sometimes difficult to get a fresh perspective on things. That is why I think it sometimes helps to share with others. Or even take a fresh personal perspective on it after a little break from my thoughts. That would be by music, or an interesting book, or a walk in nature. I guess in summary; it is ok to get other perspectives: from another; from a break, or whatever. If you keep it all to yourself it is possible but sometimes difficult to get that fresh perspective. I think a LOT of people struggle with this. Best wishes on your journey.
Thank you taking the time and providing me words of support! I will use your advice to try and focus on myself.
Thank you! I will certainly check out the resource you provided. I appreciate your time and words of encouragement, they mean a lot.
Thank you kindly! Rewiring my brain will be difficult, but it’s necessary.
You’re so very welcome! Take care!