My Nightmares..Again. (and a bit of what i feel i guess)

August 1th - 12:00 am, I was planning to wash the dishes. But I was so tired so I just went to sleep since I knew, I’ll wake up in next 3 or 4 hour after. I went to sleep, and had another nightmare. I barely even remember what it was but it really make me jump off my bed. To be honest, it’s not my first time and I had a lot of nightmare until I jumped myself out of my bed since 5 month after the car accident; until now, the nightmare still keep going. But past 3 month ago, it stopped for a while. And now it all coming back. Well I understand that I might somehow tired, but a week ago, even I sleep early around 10pm, I still having nightmares and leave me sleepless and restless. I remembered last week, I woke up around 3am or 4am. Tired indeed, but it’s because dealing with nightmares. Other time without nightmares, waking up at that hour doesn’t even bother me (sigh…). After I had that nightmare, I decided to just get up from bed and gives a shot in shower hoping the next nap in the morning, there won’t be a nightmare. But unfortunately, the nightmare keep going, so does my nap this evening. My nightmare in evening was I’m not really sure, but the whole dream were described only with one word; Reach, Reaching? something like that. And the morning one just left me woke up in tears without remembering what was the dream, it felt so painful, horrible and confused. And in the night I decided to not to sleep, unless if I’m so tired, really REALLY tired. Then I had to go to sleep. Ain.t gonna risk it like 2 weeks ago, I puked myself out because I was so tired; felt so dizzy.

I never told these to my parents about my nightmares and I’m writing these to the support wall. If I do tell them they will say it’s just a dream, just forget about it or you just always overthinking things and even say, do you think people will even care you write such a post at this wall thingy? Other people care about you is a bullshit (They meant strangers). But I don’t even trust them, And I don’t even have people to talk to. If I write this in my diary, my nosy little sister will read it and shame me in front of all my family member. And my mother will said that I am too emotional and overthinking things. Just like my mother did when I was 12, she read my diaries. Sometimes I wonder does what I feel or how do I privately feel about them, about surroundings even matter to them? Well, I actually don’t know and I barely even care about how I feel these days and just let things be. For example, if my parents are mad at me, I’ll just let it be even though it’s not even my fault. Until I go so numb.

Well that’s all for now. I’ll type again here. I find it somehow safer to talk in here. I appreciate to all who were reading this and gives opinions. Thank you again <3


Oh @AnonymousJ666, my heart goes out to you. It’s such a vicious cycle when nights are always a time for nightmares. It makes rest and stillness difficult while it’s such an important need, both for our body and our mind. I’m so very sorry that your nights have been difficult lately. I understand the struggle, and how exhausting it is to reach the point of being afraid of sleeping and deciding to stay awake.

I hear what you say about having no one to talk to about all of this, and I’m so grateful that you allow yourself to share it here. As for keeping a journal: these are some really good steps to take. It may not be a quick fix and solve everything instantly, but writing down your dreams/nightmares when you can, also your daily thoughts, can really be a therapy in itself. It helps to keep more distance with our inner life, and eventually this can have positive effects on the quality of our sleep too.

Other than this, did you notice some things that might help you? Like, trying to develop a routine before you go to sleep. Something relaxing, but also that would give you a real sense of safety - both physical and emotional.

I’m also very sorry that your mom read your diaries. Doing that is wrong. My mom did the same while I grew up, and she was used to read it in front of me as well. Now as an adult I keep hiding my notebooks, even if I live with my partner and fully trust him. A diary is just so intimate. It’s private, and this privacy should be respected by the people we share our life with. None of what you write in a diary is shameful. It’s part of you, part of your mind, of your heart, and it’s absolutely okay to let it exist somewhere physically.

Know that this privacy is absolutely respected right here on this forum, just like your trust is honored. I’m grateful that, despite this lack of space for yourself “irl”, you allow yourself to share your voice right here. It’s precious. You matter. :hrtlegolove:

Other people care about you is a bullshit (They meant strangers).

This is the reflection of your parents life experiences, and I’m sorry for them that they didn’t encounter strangers who actually care. Though I can tell, right here, we genuinely care about one another. I don’t need to know you personally for that. You’ve opened a door to your life, to who you are, and that’s a gift to honor. Thank you for being here and haring your life with us. :hrtlegolove:

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Thank you @Micro. This is the least I can do to feel not so lonely, by just talking and sharing. Well I knew people out there care and have the same experience. It’s just I don’t understand why do my parents keep saying that

and keep me holding back to tell others what I feel and just straight away tell them. I mean I did told them that I’m having a problem and I take it seriously because I have gotten worse mostly in everything. But they said I’m too emo and stuff and just don’t think it too much. And thank you again :heart:

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