My online best friend doesn't feel the same anymore

I have never been as depressed as I am now, I literally cannot sleep because I keep thinking about how broken my friendships are and I have cried like 6 times today. I’m so exhausted right now but I keep thinking about how this guy seemed to love me just a few days ago and now it’s over. I’m sorry for the shit explanation but here I go:
I have no real friends except for these two people I play video games with every day. I’ve known one of them (let’s call her A) for almost two years, and we aren’t like super intimate but we talk and play every day. And this guy (let’s call him C) joined our online friend group and suddenly was my new best friend, starting a few months ago. I don’t know why he just said he was attracted to my personality and we played games alone together and even watched shows alone together, something I haven’t done with anyone else. So for a while this C was super nice to me, always wanting to talk to me and for a month we were just obsessed with each other. Everybody else we played with thought we were dating and threatened to make the whole situation awkward. And that idea makes it even more embarrassing how he has barely talked to me in the past few days, and it all started when he asked to play with A instead of me in the general chat of our discord. He made me feel so special and all of a sudden I felt possessive, especially because he hated A like a week before that saying she was too toxic to him. It used to be everyday for a while that we would play together alone or we would watch a show together late at night, but then that stopped because he was now getting along with everybody else we played with. Literally used to ask me every day to watch a show at night, but now he doesn’t ask anymore. And for the past few days he has become closer to A then to me, and she even bought another game so they could play that game together. I wasn’t invited. And yesterday they played together while I was in the same call, never asking me to get the game and join them. Nobody hardly said a word to me and I just left. They asked me in the chat to come back but if they really wanted me there they would have talked to me. It’s just embarrassing how we were so close and he only played with me and now it’s just over, I’m not special to him anymore. He used to join calls only when I was in them, now it doesn’t matter and I am saddened seeing him talking to my other friends without me, he doesn’t need me like he used to. And I’ve just been depressed because of him for the past week, because I can just tell he doesn’t want to spend as much time with me anymore as he does with A. And A has told him secrets she hasn’t even told me, somehow she trusts him more than me despite use knowing each other longer. And now I’m just a burden to everybody. I know I seem crazy over him and I’ve let him make me crazy, but why am I so depressed and possessive? I haven’t cried as much in my life as I have this past week. Everytime I think of this I just start crying and I can’t do anything to stop these depressed and lonely feelings. And the worst part is I have nobody to talk to, he’s asked me to tell him what’s wrong but I can’t tell him he’s the reason. I feel like I’m going through my first break up and heartbreak, while on his end everything is fine and A and C are probably happier than ever having a new close friend.
tldr: My best friend is now best friends with my close other friend and I kind of want to die


This is VERY similar to meeting someone in online dating, getting to know each other remotely, then getting ghosted. It sucks. You don’t know why, you may never know why.

In the world of online dating, you sulk for a little while, then shake it off and move on. Whatever their motives were, fuck 'em. But in your case, he’s still present and still trying to communicate with you, and that’s not good for your mental health. I think at this point, if you assume that all hope is gone with him, it’s fair to tell him that he’s the reason you’re off, then tell him you can’t talk to him anymore because you need to start healing.

Sounds like you are going through heartbreak. Don’t dismiss it as silly, your feelings are real. Logically speaking, the immense pain of heartbreak is silly and irrational for anyone, but heartbreak is NOT logical, it’s emotional. I’m much better off without all the girls who broke my heart, and I even got stronger and wiser for having gone through it, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt every time or that it didn’t leave a lasting mark. It sucked, especially after they moved on, and even more so when I knew who they were moving on with.

Something to keep in mind is that you aren’t to blame for any of this. He’s the one who toyed with you. If you remember that it’s not anything you did, then you’re not the one with the character flaws, and you’re worthwhile. Maybe he decided after getting to know you that he just didn’t think you were a great match, and just did a terrible job of handling it. Maybe he just wanted to play with fire by getting closer to A. I for one historically had a thing for girls who brought conflict to the table because it was “exciting.” Either way, it sounds like he still has a lot of growing up to do, that his immaturity would have dissolved the relationship eventually anyhow, and that he wasn’t ready for the security you had to offer him. None of that will make it hurt any less; but one day, be it in months or years, you’ll realize that it wouldn’t have worked with him anyhow. He taught you a valuable lesson on love and heartbreak. those lessons suck, there’s no two ways about it, but when you’re done grieving your loss, such as it is and on your own timetable, you’ll be better armed to find someone more worthwhile.

As for the others on the call, the fact that they asked you to come back means that your presence matters to them. Maybe they take your presence for granted in not talking to you, but they know you’re there and they notice when you’re not there, which is more than a lot of people can say about their friends. So when you’re on the call, speak up! Make them acknowledge you! They probably don’t realize they’re not talking to you because they’re talking to each other, so insert yourself in the conversations! Having friends who ask you to come back to the group is more than just them trying to be polite. It’s something that a lot of people here on HeartSupport are missing, and something that took me a decade or more to find. It’s a gift. Maybe you’re not close with them now, but now that you don’t have A to lean on, you can get closer with the rest of the group!


Thank you for replying, I really appreciate it, you have no idea. I’m sure in the long run I will appreciate the lessons this situation is teaching me, but as of right now I’m just in pain. You really have given me a lot to think about and I appreciate so much how you even read my post and spent time responding.

I really wish I could avoid him, but I can’t avoid him because then I would have to avoid all my other friends (meaning A really), even though to be honest my only real friends that I even care about are A and C, the other people are just around for A because everybody loves her. And even yesterday when I left the call with A and C I just made them worry because they asked me to join back like a million times. I talk to A everyday for the past two years, and C too for the past months, and leaving early is something I usually never do. C and I have talked about us being suicidal before and so now he thinks when I do this and don’t respond I am going to kill myself or do something stupid. He keeps saying by text that he cares for me and that makes it even harder for me to want to even stay away from him. But then when we talk in voice chat it’s like he doesn’t want me there, along with everybody else. But you may be right and it might just be because I am not speaking enough that I feel like this.

I would like to speak up more in calls but I have a constant fear of being annoying. Also I just have nothing to talk about anymore, people talk to me usually and I respond. I am not assertive and good at starting or continuing conversations. I literally have nothing to talk about.

I guess my main problem is that A and C still care for me, but in a way that it feels like they just pity me and talk to me because I have no one else to talk to. C still texts me everyday like we have been this whole year. And it’s not like C and I were ever in a relationship, so I shouldn’t be feeling like he’s moved onto to my other friend A. But it still hurts that I literally witness them getting as close as we were. Witnessing that is literally the worst and what I want to avoid.

I feel like I’m just adding onto the problems and I don’t think there are any solutions that even can be offered to this. I need to find new friends but that feels impossible when I’m depressed and just miss how things were like a week ago. I’ve started using a dating app, but everyone I meet on there either wants to sext or can’t even have a conversation, especially cause I can barely have a conversation it sucks when other people can’t either. And I don’t really know how make more friends.

I don’t even know if I’m making sense anymore.

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This has been a problem for awkward introverts for time immortal. You don’t have to lead a conversation, just jump in. Way easier said than done, but if you start small and just make your voice heard, they’ll get used to you being there and make more room in the conversation for you. Something that has served me well is watching stand-up comedy so that you can interject with one-liners. Most of the time the jokes you watch won’t directly fit into the conversation, but over time you pick up the patterns. rhythm, and quick wit. A well-placed, sharp one-liner can make everyone laugh without derailing the conversation or making them think you’re trying to make it all about you.

Losing a friendship can be harder than losing a relationship. Losing two friends who move on with each other and leave you behind can be devastating. They are probably talking to you with good intentions, but in your reality it’s ripping the scabs off every time. I think you owe it to them and yourself to say in private “hear me out” and tell them what emotions you’re feeling over what’s going on, then see how they respond. The key to a good emotional statement is not to cast blame or do anything to make them defensive. The second they get defensive, they stop listening and start pushing back. I’d also leave out statements like “I want to die,” because that can backfire and be seen as a grab for attention. From what you’ve written, I’d start off thoughts with “I feel confused because…”, “I feel lonely…”, “I feel sad now that…”, or “I feel like I’ve lost my best friends ever since…”. My wife and I practiced that a lot in premarital courses. Seems like some real first-grade shit, but it is surprisingly effective. It allows you to communicate without pointing fingers. Start by writing down your thoughts. It will help you make sure you don’t sink to finger-pointing, and writing your thoughts down is a surprisingly great way to analyze them and maybe find some of your own answers.

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