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My other cat has died

my first cat died, she’s been apart of my family for 6 years. she was semi domestic and i kept feeding her cheese until she loved me, i was quite young but i did know that cats absolutely love cheese so that was my strategy, it worked. shes moved houses with us, never leaving our side. and she died earlier today, i knew it was coming because she had been doing not so well the last few days and we decided not to take her to the vet because it wouldve been too stressful and there was nothing anyone could do. but its been so hard, today has been so hard.

i think my mom has been drinking today and of course that makes everything so much harder. maybe she hasnt been, but shes acting horrible like she does when shes drinking. i had to dig my cats grave, while my mom yelled at me and played loud rock music. i kept trying to get her to help me because ive never dug a grave before and she just kept saying how shes gonna run away and how i can do it and how much disdain she currently has for me, while im just trying to get my dear cat buried?? definitely wasnt the time or place for her to keep having mean little monologues but well i got her buried so thats good. im still pretty young so its been difficult doing it pretty much by myself. she literally didnt even care, i was standing there crying and she turned her back and was like “go away shes my cat ill bury her myself” she insists shes her cat only, which i think shes a family cat, she kept insisting she was the one who found her and spent so much time with her and i wasnt even there, i mean theres just some stuff you cannot manipulate a personto believe, such as trying to make me think i just didnt find her or take her in??? my mom kicked her out at first actually, so idk why shes trying to make it seem like she did all the stuff. was very hard being yelled at while my cat had just died, wasnt even good yelling about stuff, she was just saying how much she disliked me and how horrible and manipulative i was to her?? and that was gaslighting her?? and she saw me crying and went “wow thats the first time youve felt bad for a cat dying” just because it was the first time i had cried in front of her, its very hard for me to cry in front of people, and she just made me feel so bad about it. she kept dragging the shovel on concrete and it sounded horrible and whenever id cover my ears she would just smile and do it more. like any other day she couldve done that and she chose to do it on the day our cat has died??? i hate that my cat had to die on this day, and it couldnt have just been peaceful and kind and me and my mom celebrated her life, instead my mother played green day and slipknot over my shoulder while i buried her. i did write her a note though, that i buried with her, and that makes me feel a lot better. that shes able to rest with something good and loving from this day. i just wish it couldve been different and my mom was there with me and we couldve just had a time instead of whatever the fuck today was. it sucks. today sucks.


I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how much I adore my cats and I know I would be as deeply hurt as you when they are ready to pass. Pets can sometimes be the beings that really understand and love us unconditionally.
I’m also so sorry about your mum. She sounds like she has issues that she hasn’t resolved and is trying to push that trauma and distress into you. Sometimes people think they need to find someone to blame for the hurt they are feeling because they don’t understand those feelings and never had the chance to be allowed to talk about them. Or perhaps she’s trying to rekindle her youth in some way.
That being said you do not deserve to be treated like that. Do you have a trusted adult you can talk to about these issues that keep stirring?

You deserve some understanding and support, and it’s heartbreaking that your mum doesn’t know how to be that person for you.