Because I had alot of fake friends growing up who often ignored me, turned out not to even like me but acted like they did, and people who acted like they cared or just turned out not to care at all…I find myself thinking the same way about my current friend… Even tho he shows that he cares about me, wants to help me, even has said he loves and cares about me, has told me he’s here for me, and has welcomed me to reach out to him if I need him, I find myself still hesitant to reach out to him at times for fear of disturbing him. When I do reach out to him and he doesn’t respond right away I automatically start to think “omg he doesn’t like me,” “I’m pestering him too much what if he gets mad” etc. I want to fix that I want to be able to confidently know that he truly cares and is not one of those other people… having known him for almost 2 years now I feel I should know that…but I still get scared… and I worry that if I tell him that’s what I worry about I might make him feel bad. I really hate getting the feeling someone might not like me like they seem to.
Hi @Andy 
This is something that I struggle with too, the perceived fear of rejection. You have an expected time frame you’ve created that your friend who doesn’t know anything about, has to follow. It’s called unexpected expectations. When you’re friend doesn’t text right back, there could be other reasons. They don’t hate you, trust me. There could be a lot of reasons they couldn’t respond back right away. I’m sure your friend does eventually right?
I’ve noticed a trend in your posts here. You have a real fear of abandonment and rejection. You don’t think you’re good enough and people hate you. This is one of the traits I have with borderline personality disorder. The real or perceived fear of abandonment (it’s actually the #1 prob for us).
Just a look from someone can make me believe they hate me, let alone not respond back to me in my expected time. Once this is triggered, you’ll find yourself doing desperate impulsive things in order to prevent it and at the same time push them away. Loosing that friendship. It’s happened to me many times. It really only happens with people I love and less now because I’m more aware of it.
So, I just want you to realize that just because someone doesn’t text back right away doesn’t mean they hate you. I promise.
Have you ever been in counseling?
I have but for anger management… sometimes I do feel like I need tharapy and counseling for my emotional state and it might be my only way out of it…
Yeah, I am really bad with my anger sometimes. I can get overwhelmed pretty quick and all those emotions just make me explode. People with BPD can literally feel the heat inside build when we are triggered. Then things fly out of my mouth that I don’t mean or something gets thrown across the room (I don’t do that anymore) or I write that poison pen letter to whoever pissed me off. Then, after I realize I might have pushed someone away, I’ll feel remorse and take desperate measures to apologize. It’s never pretty.
Do things like that happen to you too?
It does or sometimes I’ll say something to express myself expecting the person to understand and and apologize to me but instead I get cut off…
Can you tell me about a time it happened?
A few months ago when a streamer was treating me like crap I expressed to him how it made me feel and was banned for it
Think about what you said and how you worded it. It’s hard to tell tones and intention in text chat, I wonder if he just misunderstood you. He could have been having a bad day and didn’t want to deal with it. I know streamers who ban because they just don’t want to deal with someone they don’t know.
Hi Andy,
I definitely know where you’re coming from.
I also have a friend who has offered to be there for me and has said he cares about me. Since I only have a handful of friends, this obviously means a lot to me. However I still find myself questioning if our friendship is one-sided or fake. I am introverted and since he is definitely an extrovert I find myself hesitating when I want to reach out to him because I know he’s either busy with work or already hanging out with another friend of his. I think it’s important to recognize that the desire to hang out with or reach out to a friend is not a selfish one. At the end of the day humans are social creatures and we need social interaction to survive and stay healthy. You mentioned that you’ve been friends with him for almost two years, so I think it’s fair to say that he genuinely cares about you and enjoys spending time and/or interacting with you.
One time I was feeling very depressed and told my friend. He encouraged me to come and talk to him, which I did, and it was very helpful. Whenever I wonder about our friendship being fake I try to remember how I felt that day after he’d supported me. I think the next time you’re feeling anxious about that nature of your friendship you should try and remember a positive memory with them. For me, this helps reduce my anxiety while also providing a feeling of optimism. Hope this helps!
This definitely helped. I feel much better now thank u I appreciate all of u
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