My past present and future

I feel stuck, I’m in a loving healthy relationship , but i miss the connection I had with my ex, she’s with someone new too and we hardly talk at all anymore, today I just sent her a text wishing her happy birthday, she responded I sent something else to her response and then I’ve been left on open, maybe it was naive of me to believe that when she said we’d still stay close, I wholeheartedly belived her… she was my very first true love, losing her because of not being able to see eachother (due to COVID) I’ve been talking to a few of my friends and they say I’m not over her and I have feelings for her still, I don’t know if I truly still have feelings for her at this time but I do miss her… I’m so unbelievably happy with my new gf of 7 months but I still think about my ex every now and again, i wish she’d talk to me again in all honesty- but it becomes clearer and clearer after texting her that it won’t be the case, she doesn’t ever text me first and when i text her I’ll get a dry response or just be left on read… I can’t take it but I want to have her in my life at some capacity, I think I need help but I have no way about getting it… I have thoughts of taking my own life every now and again but I don’t believe I’ll ever act on it- those thoughts just look over me at times, I’ve thought of ways to do it, letters or text paragraphs to the people who are important to me, so they can have some part of me at my last few moments… like i said I don’t believe I’ll take my own life it’s just so suffocating, my gf and ex knows about this but I’m fully aware I shouldn’t go to an ex for this, I’ve only been going to my gf about my thoughts and she’s just been supporting me and been there for me. I’m scared I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me- why I can’t forget my ex, why I can’t feel better, why I can’t just let my ex be happy in her relationship…

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I think at some level, you are still holding out hope that somehow you and your ex will be back together. Many years ago, one of my professors told the class, guys never get over a breakup. I think that’s often true. I still have feelings for a couple of women that I’ve not seen for many years.

I was in the doctor’s office the other day and had a skin lesion biopsied. Afterwards, they covered it with a sizable round heavy duty Band-Aid. Then I was called back the next day, so they could take another look at it. They had actually applied it over some of my hair. When the nurse tried to remove it, he tried to be gentle, but seem to be making little progress. Finally, I told him “just yank it off fast,” so that’s what he did. It hurt a bit, and some hair came with it. Now I have one sideburn shorter than the other. Despite that, I was glad that he pulled it off quickly rather than making it a long drawn out and uncomfortable process.

I think with your ex, you will be better off “pulling the Band-Aid off quickly.” In other words, stop teasing and frustrating yourself by staying in touch with her. By all indications, she has moved on. You may always have feelings for her, but once you tell yourself that it’s time to move on, and pay full attention to the person you’re with, you will feel better.

The person you’re with now is being quite heroic, in demonstrating genuine care for you, by being supportive of you while you are dealing with feelings related to this ex. That is evidence of maturity, emotional intelligence and wisdom. I get the impression you are far better off being with her than you would be with your ex.

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