I have a rough relationship with my parents. My dad took a lot of his anger out on us kids growing up. He’s diagnosed as bipolar but doesn’t go to therapy.
I didn’t realize how horribly this impacted me until last summer when I moved back in with my parents for a couple months as a transition. My dad and I got in a lot of arguments. He said I’m trash and I’m never going to make it in this world and that I should give up. Any little thing I did that he didn’t agree with resulted in him exploding on me. My sister would calm me down over the phone. She said she went through the same thing…being put down a lot and it’s why she doesn’t tell our parents anything.
My mom has two different personalities. She is one person around my dad and different when not around him. She lets him be right all the time even if he’s being completely irrational, slamming things when he’s mad and yelling.
I moved out of anxiety.
Since then, my relationship with them has been rocky. I don’t tell them anything about my life. Even if I’m in trouble I don’t go to them. In fact, I feel like my personality changes around them. I hate it. I become a bit bitchy and snappy. I don’t like that side of me and it’s who my family sees.
When I’m happy I’m told I’m bubbly but it’s like a switch turns when I have conversation with them.
I have a grandmother in the hospital right now. She’s about to pass. I don’t know how to navigate around my family. There’s so much stress with everything going on…I’m out of work from the virus. My mother told me to move back and I snapped on her. I feel guilt. The thought of repeating last summer set me off. How do I deal?