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My point of view

I know this will sound weird false or repetitive, i always say that every time i say something emotional, because im tired that people just dissmiss me and i need some kind of aprovation, its like the pity people have for me just kept me safe or in a social non.disturbing point.

I live in a small town at the outside places of Barcelona, even im not from spain.

My point of view about life turned from innocent to post-communist due to the lack of faith i have in all in general, i have left my family’s religious thoughts, im not christian, but my family is for some reason. I belive that god doesnt exists, and that if he exsists then he doesnt love us. I dont care if someone gets offended, i dont care about people anymore, some people are annoying, and the only thing that keeps me connected to people is that i like to make people happy (for some reason), i just lost faith in people. They walk, minding their own buissnesses, thinking about what they’ll buy thinking about people that they hate, or even like. They usually dont worry about their lifes, neither about their future sometimes.

But who am I to judge, I just dont know people, to be honest I dont care about them, some people might say im a horrible person, and it might be, but I dont even care, I dont care about anythinga at this point of life.

I sometimes thought about killing myself, but I dont belive im strong enough to do it, either brave, but, I do not fear death or pain, Im very comfy talking about those subjects even. Who knows what’s behind life. My father does, he was dead almost for a minute, then he got reanimated thanks to the paramedics. I sometime ask him if he knows what is behind life, he just answers me that its a thing that I will know when im dead, and that I should not worry about those things yet. I know he does. He knows what happens, i belive he’s just not telling me so i dont fear my death.

Honestly, I dont care, this even might seem like a ridiculous post, that I’ve lost my mind possibly. I dont deny it, maybe its for better, i would love to be in one of those bouncy looking and very couchy and comfy rooms, alone with a tv or something to entertain me.
That would be cool if it was real.

I dont know what to do, im not good at writing, but I am at reading, reading makes life stop for a minute, and dives you into a story.
I recommend reading a book called “rock paper scissors” from Maxim Osipov. A very beautiful book that kind of shows how does my life feel, its my favourite book too.

Now i have to go, its been a pleasure writing for you, even this pile of non-valuable trash of letters has no literary richness, and very much no valor.

Have at least a decent day and dont forget to smile, it really makes my day seeing people smile.

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So, there are a lot of things you don’t care about. There’s a bit of dissonance here and there, for example wanting to make people happy, but not caring if you offend them. Losing faith in people is painful unless you decide not to care about the loss. You’ve mentioned having poor regard for people who are “minding their business,” and what I suspect you are describing as being materialistic. Perhaps the thought behind that comment is that you feel people are not focused on the things that really matter, such as love and relationships, instead they’re distracting themselves through vain and shallow interests.

That correlates with something I heard, “What others think of me is none of my business.” There’s a lot of freedom in not worrying about what others think of us. I do pay attention to the extent that if someone has a low opinion of me, I try and determine if I’ve done something wrong that gives them legitimate cause to not like me. If I’ve actually hurt them, I want to make amends, even if it doesn’t change their opinion of me.

So, your dad was “elsewhere” for a minute. It also brought the issue of mortality to mind. When that occurs, we ask ourselves, what really matters? I don’t think your dad isn’t telling you what he experienced in order to keep you from fearing death. Instead, I think it’s a matter of not being able to express it.

I think all this not caring you’re doing is because you’re in a state of transition and growth. You’re suspending beliefs and emotional investments in order to decide what really is worth caring about. Philosophers often suggest, “forget everything you think you know,” and see the world through fresh eyes. In a sense, it’s like “re-booting” your mind, after getting rid of old files (imposed ideas, opinions and memories), then looking around and deciding what really deserves your attention.

It also sounds like you need a break, a time to release all concerns, and just veg out for a bit. It’s hard to care about anything when you’re beat.

Thanks for posting, and sharing your self-insight so boldly. Postings such as yours helps others, both in identifying and processing their feelings, and in the exploration of possible insights that are helpful to them.

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Bjorn I just want to give you a great big hug. ~Mystrose

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Bjorn, thank you so much for your post, it sounds like you have been doing an awful lot of thinking and it seems like its really getting you down and I am so sorry for that. I dont like the thought of you feeling that way. None of what you said sounded wierd by the way and no one here will ever dismiss you, you are one of us, you are a member of our heart support family, you are valued here and so are your thoughts. I am not the biggest fan of human beings either if im being honest, I much prefer animals but I do care for a lot of the people I have met here, in fact it was coming her that changed my mind about people in general. The day I met you you were the sweetest, kindest person to me so thank you for that. It is hard to not lose faith when times are hard but we are here for you Bjorn, please dont give up, turn to us, talk to us. We love you. Lisa.xx

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Hi Bjorn. Let me give you very big hug :hugs:. I know how you feel Bjorn. At least partially. I cant imagine what you must be going through in the terms of your health but when it comes to your mindspace. I will recomend you something. Somethingthat has helped me to find some sence in the world. Its several videos that discuss the nature of the world and thenature of human beings. I hope it can help you ease the pain and tension that comes from your thoughts. Btw. I am also and atheist so there will be no realigious stuff if you are afraid of that. Just some interesting points of view that are worth thinking about :slightly_smiling_face:.

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From: SuchBlue

Hi Bjorn,

You’re going through a lot and it’s very hard to think when you’re in the situation you’re currently in. When it really becomes frustrating, you feel like you don’t care about anything anymore and everything has been lost in your life. You haven’t said anything weird and you did the right thing by sending this post. Religion isn’t something that you should be forced into, and nobody should get offended by that. Thank you once again for sharing with us how you’ve been feeling :hrtlegolove: we love you and hope that things get better soon

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From: Micro

Hey @Bjorn, your message comes from your heart and is absolutely valuable. Nothing to dismiss there, really. It is a raw and honest expression of yourself, of your heart at a given time. I’m grateful that you invite this community to be by your side during such a difficult time.

What I hear in your post is not that you don’t care. But more that you are freaking tired. Tired of the injustices happening all around, tired of all these nonsense behaviors in the world that put us all away from what is essential and we all crave for, like love, safety, generosity… Yes, many things are wrong. Many people do wrong. But through it all, we share a common humanity, similar needs, and somehow most of us just try to do their best to figure out a meaning to all of this.

I often feel myself as if I was an outsider, observing people, listening, trying to understand. I am in love with humanity’s complexity as much as I despise our ability to destroy and cause pain. We hold so much potential but we also waste it in so many ways. Is it all that there is though? And does this mean that everything is hopeless, helpless? Does this mean that your life has to be wasted and you should give up. No, certainly not. You my friend hold the ability to do good. Even more because you have this level of awareness and sense for justice. It can be destructive to be so thoughtful, but it can also become a real fuel for you to bring meaning and purpose into your life. As much as we, as human beings, can cause a lot of hurt, we also hold the potential to direct our humanity for good things. I believe you can also create that one with the time that is given to you.

“Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.”

Don’t give up on the possibility to create your own verse. Don’t give up on you. This world can be really ugly at times. But we, as individuals who are deeply aware of this level of injustice, can make a difference each and everyday. You’ve just made one today. Thank you for reaching out. :hrtlegolove:

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hey, friend :hrtlegolove:

You may not believe this but I know exactly what you mean about hating everyone but wanting to make people happy. I was in that place just a couple years ago. I wanted humanity to end while trying to make individual people’s lives better. Funnily enough joining these wholesome internet communities and finding support and more importantly being there to support other people and finding people I genuinely cared about and cared about supporting and helping helped me stop feeling that way. I don’t want all humans to disappear anymore because then these people I care about would be included. Finding just a few people to believe in helped me to stop hating everyone. I hope you are able to find your community and some people to restore your faith as well. I don’t mean your faith in some magical deity in the sky but simply your faith in the ability of others to be worth something.

Yes, humans are flawed and many are annoying. Some are horrible. But some are also incredible. The trick is to focus on the good ones and use the power of their positive influence on the world negate the bad. And then add to that goodness as much as possible. Because in the end what do we really leave behind but the ripples and influences we had on others.
I don’t know if that was helpful at all. That’s just what helped me stop feeling that way. You are an eloquent writer, Bjorn, and I hope to read more of your musings in the future :hrtlegolove:

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From: sea__kay

Hey Bjorn, thank you for writing this out and for posting your thoughts here. I’m so glad that books are a way for you to escape reality for a while and that your powerful imagination takes you to the places described there. Since you mentioned that you live in Spain, the first book that came to mind was The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón who was born in Barcelona. Maybe you’ve heard of it before.
You’re a very caring person when you write that you like to make others happy. It gives me hope in humanity to read that there are so precious souls out there such as you are.
It’s okay to not be religious even if your family is. You can find your own truth and your own beliefs. It’s okay to come up with a concept that best works for you.
I’m glad that you found pleasure in writing this post. Since you’re into books and writing, do you do this as your hobby? Have you written novels, or anything alike? It could be a good way to write down your thoughts and feelings and to give your imagination a place to be expressed.
I hope you’re safe and that your heart and soul find some peace, even if it’s only for a few moments. You’re loved and you matter. You’re a precious member of this community. I hope you’re aware of this. Sending much love your way.

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