I know this will sound weird false or repetitive, i always say that every time i say something emotional, because im tired that people just dissmiss me and i need some kind of aprovation, its like the pity people have for me just kept me safe or in a social non.disturbing point.
I live in a small town at the outside places of Barcelona, even im not from spain.
My point of view about life turned from innocent to post-communist due to the lack of faith i have in all in general, i have left my family’s religious thoughts, im not christian, but my family is for some reason. I belive that god doesnt exists, and that if he exsists then he doesnt love us. I dont care if someone gets offended, i dont care about people anymore, some people are annoying, and the only thing that keeps me connected to people is that i like to make people happy (for some reason), i just lost faith in people. They walk, minding their own buissnesses, thinking about what they’ll buy thinking about people that they hate, or even like. They usually dont worry about their lifes, neither about their future sometimes.
But who am I to judge, I just dont know people, to be honest I dont care about them, some people might say im a horrible person, and it might be, but I dont even care, I dont care about anythinga at this point of life.
I sometimes thought about killing myself, but I dont belive im strong enough to do it, either brave, but, I do not fear death or pain, Im very comfy talking about those subjects even. Who knows what’s behind life. My father does, he was dead almost for a minute, then he got reanimated thanks to the paramedics. I sometime ask him if he knows what is behind life, he just answers me that its a thing that I will know when im dead, and that I should not worry about those things yet. I know he does. He knows what happens, i belive he’s just not telling me so i dont fear my death.
Honestly, I dont care, this even might seem like a ridiculous post, that I’ve lost my mind possibly. I dont deny it, maybe its for better, i would love to be in one of those bouncy looking and very couchy and comfy rooms, alone with a tv or something to entertain me.
That would be cool if it was real.
I dont know what to do, im not good at writing, but I am at reading, reading makes life stop for a minute, and dives you into a story.
I recommend reading a book called “rock paper scissors” from Maxim Osipov. A very beautiful book that kind of shows how does my life feel, its my favourite book too.
Now i have to go, its been a pleasure writing for you, even this pile of non-valuable trash of letters has no literary richness, and very much no valor.
Have at least a decent day and dont forget to smile, it really makes my day seeing people smile.