My Relationship and thoughts

Hey so don’t really know how to start this but I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 6 months and I couldn’t be more thankful but I still have thoughts of my ex who I’ve been broken up with since last year in October, the thoughts I have are mainly like: she seems so happy, could things have been different, why couldn’t our situation been better, could we have worked if not for the situation. We broke up due to our parents not being fans of us together, there is a 2 year age difference me being 18 and she being 16 (her birthday is next month however) she started to talk to another guy a week after our break up and the age difference is the same- our situation was our parents not liking us and we weren’t able to see each other when our school closed due to covid, I’ve talked to her a little bit on Instagram but every time I do I feel like I’m talking to a blank slate… it’s always me going out of my way to talk to her never her, and when she does respond (if she does) I’ll always be left on “seen” I don’t know why I just can’t move on as quickly as she did- I do still care for her even though she most likely doesn’t feel the same… it’s just so hard for me emotionally and i guess physically to let go of her and her memory, of what we had you know? She recently restricted my main account on insta so I still see her account and story’s just not when she’s online but I have an alternate account she follows as well that’s not restricted, I post on both accounts story’s (which she views) don’t understand why she restricted me, the last text between me and her was on March 21st this year. I want to be able to talk to her because she’s important to me or was idk anymore… but she wouldn’t go out of her way to do the same. I’m about to graduate next month and I wanted to make “appreciation posts” for the people I feel like really affected me for the better in my highschool years, I thought about including her but I’m unsure, don’t get me wrong I’m crazy for my girlfriend it’s just so hard to let go for me and idk what to do, what say, what to feel or anything at this point.
Any help is extremely appreciated

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Hey Mist,

Ugh grieving a relationship is hard enough and then you add the layer of feeling like this person has moved on before you have that makes it feel even harder. I made a post about this on our Instagram account a while back that might help.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CMnfR0kp0s0/

Also I’m going to give you a little tough love I hope that’s okay. It sounds like your ex girlfriend is trying to move on and I encourage you to do the same. Moving on from the relationship doesn’t mean you don’t care for each other, it doesn’t mean that you don’t wish things could have been different or that this person wasn’t an important part of your life. It simply means giving each other space so you can heal. It’s kind of like when you have a cut, it heals faster if you put a bandaid on it and let it be, but if you keep touching it or checking on it, it will take longer to heal. This is how it is when moving on with relationships as well. Especially in this day and age it is so easy to stay connected, we can check up on the other person with the click of the button, but I challenge you to think about how you FEEL after you look at her instagram or reach out and get a response you don’t like. I’m willing to bet it doesn’t feel good. That’s because you need space and time a part, maybe not forever but at least for now until your hearts can heal.

It sounds like you have a girlfriend you love and care about and that’s awesome! My encouragement is to shift your focus away from your past relationship and onto your present one. I know it’s hard but I truly believe it will bring you greater joy in the long run.

Sending love,

T

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