Basically my significant other hates her family with a passion, I mean with a part of a certain side of mine I do as well but she gets particularly fired up about her family. She messaged me earlier tonight regarding wanting to run away and wanted me to go with her, I was speechless at first, remember that she’s a year younger than me making her 14, her and I equally had it rough but she was affected more because of depression and self harm. She planned it all out and I just kept saying to her that if something goes wrong we will be in boiling hot water and that even if we manage to get out of that kind of situation her father wouldn’t let me see her again purely because I went along with the idea and supported it. I adore her, she adores me. I told her I would think about it. I feel stuck, just… Lost. She did say it was like a backup plan but I still can’t bring myself to the idea. I care about her but something like this should not be considered. I want to tell her that we can find other ways to deal with her family but she doesn’t seem to care. Her and I are in a healthy relationship but this whole thing just makes me feel like there is something wrong that needs to rectified.
Having issues with family can be tough. Not everyone can get along . For example i can somewhat get along with my grandmother because of stuffs and it was to much weight on me . Even tho in my situation she cared , i just didn’t see it . Also with family, when i was a littler my sister and i couldn’t get along , we would get in fights and i would ended up getting yelled at because i’m the older one .
Running away isn’t the best choice because if someone that young were run away , where would they get their food where would that be able to stay and survive . Even thought that was a choice of your significant other but you realize that isn’t health for either you or her.
I know you care about her , but the best you can do is be there for them , let them know they are not alone. With the depression and self harm it can be so hard when your dealing with that and family issues. Just to let you both know , the things WILL get better, things will be different in the future , things will be okay but it will take time.
Hey Zak! Thanks for posting
When I’m at home, my suicidal thoughts and urges/cravings are horrendous. EVERYDAY. I went away to stay with my best friend for a week, and I didn’t have ANY of that other than on the first day because OFC i was adapating. Then, when I got back to my parents abuse, I could handle it a little better for a few days afterwards… If my friend lived closer, after those few days, I would probably have gone back and done the same thing. It was amazing to have that break.
is there somewhere else she can stay as well? It might be helpful to stay with a family member where her relationship isn’t so strained a few days a week. With a friend? With her partner?
Hope it gets sorted.
Uhm, she hasn’t got many places to go, if at all, but I was gonna tell her that if her father (the only one she lives with that is caring and very kind, really nice person) allows it she can stay with me for a few days but I didn’t get time to, I will tell her as soon as possible.
Can she talk to her father about how she feels?
Maybe he can help?
Yes, running isn’t ever the best option, she may not realise that now but when she actually decides to I can tell her intentions will change soon enough, I’m just hoping that it won’t actually come to that, I want the best for her yet even I need to draw a line.
I believe she can, but like me paranoia and anxiety kinda kick in these kinds of situations.
Maybe she could write it in a letter to him? Or you could talk to him with her? Plan it out before you see him
If her Dad is a nice guy I say to actually sit down and talk it out. Do it together. That way it won’t look like you went behind her back. Also so it shows your respect to her Father which should put you in a more positive & mature light. If you guys word it kindly and be honest I am sure you all will come to a mutual compromise.
Things that seem like a big deal when you’re a teen is one extreme or another. So it is either a real huge big deal or not truly one. So it takes tons of maturity to figure out whether running away is actually necessary.
I will reserve judgement since I don’t really know the whole story. I think by what you posted so far that you’re on the right track so I’ll just support your decision whatever you made.
I hope it ends in a positive way. I am cheering you on.