My younger sister (by 18 months) suffers sever mental and physical issues. Daily constant, chronic, and severe nerve pain. She also struggles greatly with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi-Polar depression, anxiety, and more. Her BPD has caused great suffering. She equates this to her being terminally mentally ill. She tells me I’m too late when I try to encourage her and as of now plans to kill herself after the holidays. I’m trying so hard to help her and encourage her but she refuses everything. I just don’t know what to do anymore and am terrified that I won’t get to her. Also, if she follows thru, our mom will be right behind her. Anyone else have any ideas how to support her or understands BPD with advice? Encouragement?
P.s I have told her of HeartSupport. Decided to take my own.advice
Hey.
I am not very familiar with BPD, sorry.
I can say that the best thing for you to do for your little sister is to tell someone who can help her! If you keep this all to yourself, it is a big weight on your shoulders, and there isn’t much you can actually do. You can tell so many people about your sister and they would be happy to help in any way they can. Therapists, kids help line, a certified doctor, anyone really.
I hope this helps in any way possible. Please stay strong!
Thank you so very much for reaching out and being supportive.
With risking like I’m sounding argumentative or negative, she is in therapy but it’s not helping. Actually, many professionals actually confess that they actively avoid patients with BPD because it’s so incredibly difficult to reach those people. In my experience anyway. In addition to what she’s been doing, I’ve worked to help her with intensive day programs and support. Oddly enough, as I was completing treatment in a program for my own depression, I got her into the same day program. And actually witnessed how dismissive they were of her just because she can be so difficult to communicate with. On top.of it all, she has major.social anxiety which just complicates when she actually does try to reach out. So she has essentially given up. It’s like leading a horse to water but I cannot make it drink.
My best friend works in the social service field and has a much better grasp on the concept of mental health than the average person. I am so lucky to have her as my person to support me. And she has tried to help bounce ideas off of about what to do. She also knows.my sister well and even she is at a loss of what to do.
At this point, I’ve made a “game plan” with my mom. We are trying to plan activities with her and do things. And I reach out to her daily checking in and just saying “hi” so she knows I’m thinking of her. My hope is to spark, if even so small, a hope that will remind her of her will to live and what she wants to live for. I feel like she self sabotages it tho by purposefully being more difficult (i.e being mean and verbally abusive to me) thus making me frustrated, as hard as I try (I try so hard </3) so she can prove her point that no one likes or loves her. And I’m just so incredibly lost as to what I can do to change things and it’s breaking me.
Sincerely tho - thank you for responding, encouraging, and reaching out. I really appreciate it. I am sorry if my reply was so negative. I personally have had 2 major, emergent back surgeries, a hysterectomy at 30, and struggle with my own chronic pain condition as well as depression and this situation is so triggering.
Hi. I’m sorry you are going through this and have to live with the knowledge that your sister may end up ending her own life. Don’t worry about being negative about the situation. Life isn’t all butterflies and rainbows, and sometimes you need to talk about the negatives in your life. You know your life and the situation best. You have reasons to feel as you feel, so get them out when you need to.
You are correct in that there are a couple of disorders that some professionals actively try to avoid treating (I have one, and it’s very often misdiagnosed as bipolar)- and to be honest, from my point of view- thank god, because if they don’t want to treat it, they won’t do their best to treat the problem, and you will continue to suffer. Just as your sister is doing. There may be less choice of who to see, but at least you won’t be seeing the ones who don’t care in the first place. Maybe that’s the wrong way to think, because I know some people think someone is better than no one, but that’s definitely not my take on it.
If the people in the program she is going to are so dismissive of her, then she’s not seeing the right person or people. The right person will take in her personality and her disorders and try to treat her and validate the struggles she is going through, or if the professional doesn’t think what she’s thinking is valid, they will try to talk her through it. Unless they are doing more harm to her than good, I personally think she should continue going there for the time being, but actively be looking for somewhere else to find the professional support she needs, and I think she (or you if you take on this type of thing for her) should be looking for someone else, like, now. I know it’s hard, some people have to travel to different states to find the right therapist or professional to get the right care (I’m not saying you should, just that some people do), but there is someone out there for her.
Is there any way your friend can try to actually visit with your sister and assess the situation from her vantage point? Because she has a background in social services, she may be able to recommend something better or talk to someone who knows somewhere you can go for your sister if she sees the situation first hand. I know social workers are usually really busy, so it may not be an option, but it’s something to think about if it’s something she hasn’t done yet.
Obviously I don’t know your sister, and I realise that I’m not a first hand party to the situation, but I want to ask, do you believe that she actually sabotages the things you try to do for her? Or is it something that passes through your mind from time to time? I don’t have bipolar or borderline, but I do have social anxiety, and I know that there are things that I just couldn’t do because of my anxiety. If this isn’t something you’ve done already, maybe sometime when she’s having a good day, have a heart to heart with her about how you feel about how she treats you? Ask her to explain what’s going through her head in that moment.
I hope you feel better and she can get the help she needs soon.