My story, please read

I just wanted to write my story here after hearing about this site. I always look for places to share my story in the hopes that maby someone might be able to get something out of it. When i was 9 my parents split up. I hated my dad for cheating on my mom. My mom had no money and we went from living in a big house to sharing a tiny room at my grandmothers house. Me, my mom and sister in one room. I started gaining weight and getting migraine headaches. I was depressed and very angry. When i was 13 i got a job stocking coolers at a deli. I learned that i could get drunk in the coolers and steal beer and sell it to older guys. Getting drunk numbed me and once i started, i didnt stop for 12 years. I drank until i blacked out every night. I started playing drums when i was 9 and played until i was 20. I took lessons from jazz drummers and was good. But i was kicked out of plenty of bands because my drinking was out of control. I was also smoking a lot of weed. In highschool my weight was up to 300 lbs. i hated myself and everyone around me. I was scared to death of everyone and very self conscious. You know the guy who wears hoodies in august when its 100 degrees out? That was me. I graduated HS and then failed out of community college. I got an apartment because my mom couldnt handle my drinking. I was a managor at burger king and hating my life. On my 21st birthday a coworker gave me a percoset. I fell in love. I felt like superman. I went from 1 to 10 a day very quickly. Then traded for a much stronger pill. At some point, i got clean for the first time. I kicked on my moms couch. I started going to meetings, quit my job, got one i loved and for the first time, things were looking good. But, i needed more research. I relapsed, and eventually tryed heroin. I went from sniffing to injecting to sharing needles within a year. I lost a lot of jobs, apartments, and my health was declining fast. I had minor run ins with the cops many times. I was also seeing a suboxone doctor who was prescribing me a disgusting amount of suboxone and xanax. Fast forward through three years of waisting away. In Oct. of 2014 i started talking to a girl i went to school with. One night we went to hang out. At this point i was at the end of the line. I had tryed to kick the dope again and was about 30 days without, but i was extremely sick because i was taking a scary amount of xanax. I was a zombie. That night we went out and got high and were driving around and talking. The next thing i remember is waking up and facing a tree. My friend died on impact that night, a fact i found out later in the hospital. Let me make something clear. NOTHING can prepare a person to find out that their actions caused another human being to lose their life. It tears you into a million pieces. I tryed to kill myself by OD many times in the months that followed. One night a good friend called me and she told me that she could hear in my voice that i was gunna die soon. I believed her for some reason and for the first time in a long time, didnt want to. I excepted help and got on a plane to florida for treatment. While in fl i was contacted by police and informed that i was being charged with my friends death. I relapsed…again and flew back to NY. Remember i said i was 300 pounds in Hs, at 25 in florida i was down to 130 lbs. drugs and alcohol were eating my body. When i turned myself in i was charged 12 times, the highest charge being 2nd degree manslaughter. The DA wanted 4-12 years. While in jail i started praying. I came to a very painful realization. I had been hurting people for my entire life and had caused soo much pain and suffering. I decided in that cell that i could no longer hurt people. I made a promise to myself, to my friend, and to God that i would use this experience to try to help others. I stayed clean for 7 months in jail. I took a deal which allowed me to go to long term drug treatment upstate Ny. I went and jumped in like my life depended on it, because it did. That treatment saved my life. I got a home group and sponsor and started working a program. I eventually got a job i loved and met a girl i love. And then sentencing came. I was sentenced to 2 1/2 - 71/2 years in state prison with almost 2 years clean. I walked into that court room sober, with aa men and my family surrounding me. I apologized and owned my actions. And i was taken away. I approached my bid with the same attitude i did with treatment. I will dqueeze whatever i can out of this experience. My time in treatment taught me that i cant do this alone, i need people in my life. My time in prison taught me that God is there and that i can rely on him. I was fortunate to be at a facility that offered the youth assistance program where i spoke to highschool kids regularly about my story and other topics. I fell in love with talking to these kids about their struggles. Depression, broken homes, suicidal thoughts, addictions. I wanted to hear their stories. I wanted to show them that i already made the mistakes for them and that they could change just like i did. I quit smoking cigarettes in prison as well and started working out. Thanks to the help of my family and recovery community, i made my first parole board. I was released last month to 5 years of parole. On may 5th i will celebrate 4 years clean. I continue to speak anywhere that i can. Ive been offered a job with the treatment center i attended. I currently work for a label that i love. I miss my friend every day. My story, my experience, me writing this, is in her honor. But its also for you and anyone else reading this. Id like anyone reading this to know that i dont care if no one, including yoursef believes in you. I dont care that i dont know you. I believe in you. I have faith that everyone can heal and change. I have seen it. Please, make the decision to stop digging and get into the solution. Whatever it is, theres a solution. I promise you, things can get better.

1 Like

Dude what an amazing story!!! Seeing how you were brought to where you are now, man thats so great! Keep sharing your story, there is so much brokenness in this world, we need more people who have healed and will share their brokenness and hope. Ah, man I loved reading this. Thank you for sharing and may God bless you and be with you in all of your endeavors! Whoohoo!