My Story, read if you wanna know, or read if you feel like giving up

My name is Orion, I’m 17 years old and also a young fighting individual. If you’re reading this then you want to know my story, either because you’re interested or because you feel like giving up. The story of my life begins when I was only 3 years old, my mother passed away from an accidental suicide, its like she wanted to die but she also didn’t. So she took too much insulin and either hoped she awoke the next morning or wished she was dead. Then we flashforward to when I was in elementary school. My dad is in the U.S Army and he was always deployed, I didn’t really know my father until I was in 5th grade. Then middle school came around.

In middle school everything went to hell. I was being abused by my dads girlfriend at the time and her best friend. I spent everyday being scared to go home unless my dad was home (But he was on a deployment.) I was being beat everyday, being screamed at being called a failure, a piece of shit. every single day I would have to hear the same thing every single day on repeat. At school I was stuck in drama which was my own fault, I thought I was in a gang and everything, seen drugs, seen people getting beat up just because of their beliefs. It was a terrible place. Then when my dad got stationed in Arizona we moved there. He left his girlfriend because they weren’t working out.

I got to Arizona and was only there for a year which really did suck because I really did enjoy the place. It gave me a break. I spent a lot of time with friends and everything. Then a year later I moved to Virginia where the next chapters of the black book would be written.

In December of 2016 I was 15 at the time. I met this girl and we dated until April of 2017. But then I found out she was cheating on me and then that was my first heartbreak. I didn’t want to eat, sleep, drink, anything. I just wanted to sit there and do nothing. But then I walked into my geometry class and my teacher Mr. Applewhite came up too my desk and looked at me and said: “Orion can you see me after class?” and here I was just thinking “he’s probably going to say stuff about how my grades are falling and all.” So I just sat there with my head down the entire time and then when the bell rang and everyone was flying out of the classroom since it was a Friday and we all know how happy we were on a Friday when we can hang out with friends or even relax. Or even be afraid since home is not home. So I went up to his desk and he pulled a chair and said “Sit down” so I sat down and looked at him. Then he looked at me and asked “Orion whats wrong? I remember you being such a great man, always helping everyone, always doing your work, what the hell happened to the Orion I know? Is something going on at home? something happening relationship wise?” and then I stopped him and said he was correct about the relationship wise thing. So he looked at me and I started tearing up and told him “My first love just cheated on me, I thought it was going to work but no, no it didn’t” then he looked at me and said “Orion… I’ve been where you’re at. First heartbreak isn’t the greatest of things. It’s hard, but you can’t be depressed about it, you need to distract yourself, you need to just relax and just move on.” So I listened to the mans wise words. I then started just sobbing and crying my eyes out and he just came up to me and just held me. Just held me and just kept saying “Let all the tears out kid, everything is going to be okay.” and those are the words that I wanted to hear from someone besides myself. I got home around an hour later and my dad didn’t even look at me. Me and my dad never had the best relationship hell to this day we still don’t have a good one at all. I then talked to my Aunt about it and then she also calmed me down, I started eating again, sleeping a healthy amount of time, and I was just fine, I felt relieved. Then we fast forward a year later. Junior year of high school. Which honest to god was probably the hardest year for me emotionally than any other year of my life.

Junior year started out fine, just minded my own business and hanging out with the boys and all playing video games on the laptop I bought and everything. Life was great, and then in May my friend called me and asked me to come over in the most depressed voice ever. So I asked him “hey buddy you okay?” and he said no he wanted to commit suicide, so I walked over to his house and walked into his room with him holding a 9MM handgun. I looked at him and said “Buddy just put the gun down and talk to me. I’m here to help you because I love you, you’re like family to me, I know your mom and dad aren’t home and they can’t be here to help you but buddy I’m right here and I will not leave until you’re okay.” After about 3 hours of talking, I had to use the bathroom, so I looked at him and said “I’ll be right back buddy I have to use the bathroom” and little did I forget to take the fucking gun away from him. I forgot the key thing that would’ve kept him alive. If I just took that gun with me to the damn bathroom. so while I was doing my thing all I hear is a loud ear piercing BANG come from the room. For a few minutes I just stood there and did not want to know what I was going to see when I opened up that bathroom door. But I had to get my phone to call 911. When I opened that door all you could see was a puddle of blood and shit on the walls. I was so shocked I couldn’t show any emotions, I felt guilt, failure, and anger at myself for failing to take the gun from him. The next day I went to school and looked at my Homeland Security teacher and I asked her “Mrs.Stephens, how do you deal with loss?” and she said “As long as you know they went to a better place that’s how I get through it. Why do you ask?” I told her “My friend committed suicide basically right infront of me and I have no idea how to cope with it.” she then asked me “Why the fuck are you in school?” and I told her “I don’t know, I think its to just get my mind off of it, and just… see the tiny bit of happiness that I feel is left in this world.” and she nodded and we sat and talked until the bell rang. she then looked at me and said “Hey Orion, do me a favor and don’t be alone during the weekend okay?” and I looked at her and said “alright. I promise” so I kept that promise and hung out with my friends all weekend and told them what happened, they all helped me cope, and everything. Going to be honest I still struggle with it to this day.

So now that we are done with my story, I just want you all to know that today I am now a high school graduate and a volunteer fire fighter and EMS responder in a small village in New York. The only reason I did want to either join the military or be a first responder was because of the suicide. I pledged to protect every single person that I could, to save all the lives I could. And So far I’ve responded to over 50 calls and saved lives. I’ve responded to structure fires, overdoses, and heart attacks. and every time I’m in that ambulance I grab that persons hand and I tell them “Stay with me buddy I’m not letting go until you’re in save hands.” and the hardest part so far about my job is the fact that some do go and never come back. But the greatest feeling in the world is when you know you saved someone’s life. So what i’m trying to say to the people that want to give up is to turn that anger, sadness, and all that negative energy into something powerful. I turned it into being a Firefighter/EMS responder. All you have to do is fight. and if ANY of you need me I will always be here to help you, you can always rant to me, you can always tell me that you need help, now im not too sure if im allowed to do this butttttt, why not? If you ever need me I’m always one text away, 253-326-2714 is my number and hell if you need me on snapchat just add me at tacocat114, and just text me and I will help you as much as I can. If you need a shoulder to cry on, a person to talk too, or even a person to care for you, I promise i’ll be right there just like with all my patients. But I need you to keep fighting and turn that rage into power. fight like hell, god gives his toughest battles to his toughest soldiers. The one thing that kept me from suicide the entire time was “If I kill myself then I will be hurting a lot of people, and I will go to hell and not see my mother who is waiting for me in heaven.” I know how crazy it sounds but to this day I still talk to my mother. I know shes not there, but I know she hears me. But come on buddy, don’t give up. fight like hell. I promise you everything will be okay. I love all of you with all my heart. And I am here to help every single person on here. I love you all!

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Hi Orion!

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m sorry for all of those things you’ve had to go through. But your passion to help people is really inspiring.

Hi friend,

Wow, thank you so much for sharing! Your story is super powerful and so so so inspiring. I’m so sorry that you’ve been through all of that, I can’t even imagine. But you’re strong and smart and you made it through. Thank you for being here to encourage others who may be going throw similar things. Keep your head up.
Hold fast.

Hannah