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My Story/ Trigger Warning

Okay, I am new to this, but, I’m giving this a shot either way. I know I am not the only one that struggles with mental health, obviously that’s why we are all here to vent and support each other as a community that understands. Anyways, only a couple people know this but I wanna share my story even if I’m not sure where to begin. In 2015 I was misdiagnosed with “acute-stress disorder” and they gave me anti-depressants, I felt like the therapist I had didn’t care or give a shit about what I was saying either. I took the anti-depressants and they made me very suicidal like every little thing set me off, I’d cry over nothing, bang my head off the wall, try jumping out a window. It was bad. My boyfriend I had at the time just held me and his mom also helped comfort me because I lived with them because I didn’t get along with my family very well at the time. Well I threw away the anti-depressants after going back to the psychiatrist saying how the meds made me 100x worse and how I practically tried to off myself. They wouldn’t listen to me so I stopped going there. Jump to 2019 I had a bad manic attack. I was not making any sense and I was convinced that people were going o be flying me out to LA. I talked to random strangers, walked around my city just rambling off random shit that made no sense people thought I was crazy. Anyways, I ended up being involuntary admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I was there for two weeks and they properly were able to diagnose me with Bipolar 1. They gave me proper meds. It sucked and was boring but was happy to be discharged. I was still with the same guy but wish he’d of got help for me sooner, for 6 years I put up with a lot of stuff from him that wasn’t okay. I dealt with gaslighting, psychical abuse, emotional abuse, him breaking my things that I have got as gifts or collected, to him even locking me in our bedroom. I never really talked about this properly because I was scared to say anything and also the whole “you’re a snitch thing” sooo yeah he’s living his best life and everyone think he is this great guy and think I am insane while on my part I had to heal myself from all the traumatic BS. Anyways I struggled on and off with taking my medication, at times I’d stop just because I thought it wasn’t helping. While being hospitalized I found out that I have low lithium levels so I take medication for that now and have to get blood work.
2020 I broke up with my toxic pos of an ex. 2021 I met a guy who I am with currently. Going from a toxic relationship to a healthy one wasn’t easy and I’m still struggling. He reassures me and loves me but I still have doubts. I’m trying to break old toxic habits and it’s rough. But life has been looking up somewhat. I know my mental health is never gonna go away, but I’m still battling with figuring out who I am as a person, I love music of almost any kind, but my heart leans towards metal (that’s another story haha) but, a lot of lyrics and songs speak to me from the metal community and in all they’re all just great people with similar issues and are good people in all. I’m also slowly getting into art again which feels good because I used to draw in my darkest hours. Hopefully, this helps someone not feel alone, but if you took the time to read this thanks because I’m mainly just venting and there is so much more I could’ve added to this haha. :heart:

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Friend, welcome to the forum! I’m so sorry that you’ve had such a bad experience with your doctors, I hope that the new doctors are treating you with the respect you deserve. I’ve been in your shoes, mental disorders, abusive husband and now I’m with the love of my life. I’ve been with him for 12yrs now. At first, we both carried over baggage from our previous relationships which caused problems. Soon realized that we both just needed to get to know each other and leave the baggage at the door. I was expecting him to treat me like my xhusband did, but he didn’t and never has. Let your partner show you who they are and try really hard not to bring your past experiences into the mix. Create new safe and healthy ones. ~Mystrose

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Hello there,

I want to be one of the first to welcome you to HeartSupport. I am so proud of you for the things you have noted about your growth through some tough times in your life.

Every season has its ugly parts & its beautiful parts. Spring brings allergies, but it also brings a vast amount of colors & birds sing new songs. Winter brings ice that we slip & fall on, but it also brings calmness & newness with the white snow. Fall brings winds & cooler temperatures, but it also brings the leaves changing colors & something for us to crunch along our paths. Summer brings heat, but it also brings a time to take a break from the ins & outs that we carry with us throughout the other seasons.

I am thankful that you have a partner that helps you work through things. Toxic habits are hard to break, but it doesn’t make it difficult. Give yourself grace. Be kind to yourself. You are amazing & I am thankful for you.

You are valid. You are strong. You are enough. You matter.

-StarFox :yellow_heart:

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From: twixremix

hey friend!

welcome to the forum! thank you for your vulnerability in sharing your story, allowing your new heartsupport community in on your life like this. i appreciate you writing this post so that we can read all that you’ve experienced, persevered through, and conquered - possibly sparking hope in the hearts of those that face similar journeys as you. i hope, with all that you’ve written out, that this forum allowed a safe space to truly vent, be listened to/heard, and release any emotions you’ve been bottling up for years - at least that’s how i feel when i write cathartic wall posts here!

i do want to say that i’m sorry your ex-boyfriend and old therapist/psychiatrist didn’t listen to you fully, getting you the proper support you needed at the time. it sounds like you’ve found an incredible partner in your current healthy relationship. that makes me beyond happy to hear, especially after knowing what all led up to this positive outcome. you deserve to love and be loved, and anyone who dares abuse your heart like your ex did will face their own set of karma. it breaks my heart to know that everyone thinks he’s a great guy as you get pushed to the side and mislabelled… i know it may not mean much since i’m just some random woman on a forum but i need you to know that i hear you, i believe in you, and i’m proud of how far you’ve come.

thank you again for being here on this forum and sharing your story. i hope to hear from you again very soon, my friend!

love,
twix

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend and welocme to Heart Support. Oh good heavens you have been through such a lot with your Mental health havent you? I am so glad that you have been able to come here and share this part of your story with us although I truly wish it had not happened. I am so so sorry that firstly you were treated so poorly by medical health personel and misdagnosed back in 2015, I can imagine its easy to be misdiagnosed with a MH disorder and so many are closly relatated but then to go on and ignore how you were feeling, and what the meds were doing to you just baffles me and im disgusted by it. I wish you had not had to go through that. That was just just part of your story, your ex sounds like someone who also took advanatage of who you were and the situation you were in and that again is tragic. Through all of that you kept fighting, Im not sure I could have, I think you are so incredibly strong. I am so pleased that you finally managed to end the relationship with that ex and find a new guy who treats you well, that you have a proper diagnosis that is being medicated decently and that life is beginning to turn around for you. As I said at the start, you have been through such a lot but you are now starting again and its a brighter better start and I wish you nothing but the very best. Thank you again for telling us your story and I wish you well. Feel free to post again when ever you wish. Much Love Lisa xx

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From: Taladien

Hey Misunderstood98,

Thank you so much for coming here and sharing your story. I am sure there are many others reading this that are, or have been, going through similar situations as what you went through, and I hope it inspires them to take positive steps in their journey.

I am so sorry that you went through all of this. No one deserves to go through years of mis-diagnosis, gas-lighting, and struggle like that. I cannot imagine how much you persevered through. I am so, so glad that you able to find the doctors and treatment that works for you, and close ones whom are a positive in your life.

I can understand the struggle in shifting from years of emotionally abusive relationship, to a positive one. You can’t just turn off the guards that you put up when you are going through abuse. Realizing that, and letting your partner know that you are working through it, is fine. You deserve to be happy, both in your every day life, and in your romantic life. Period, full stop. I am so glad that you are finding your passions again, and continuing your journey in mental health. Celebrate the ups, and lean on your loved ones during the downs. You got this, friend. You’re loved, and you matter. :hrtlegolove:

P.S. Fellow metal head here. :hrtlovefist:

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Hi there,

I’m so glad that you took the time to post and am glad to have you in the HS community!

It sounds like you’ve gone through a really rough time over the last couple of years, but I’m glad to hear that you’ve been diagnosed properly in recent years. I can’t imagine how painful it must have been to receive abuse from your partner, misdiagnoses, and improper medications for that long, but I am so proud of you for persevering through all of that and am glad that you are still with us.

It’s awesome to hear that you are in a healthier relationship now and hope that things continue to improve for you.

You got this! You are loved and valued, and you can get through these challenges!

<3 Tuna

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