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My struggle with pronouns

Alright, this is mostly just me needing to somehow get this mess out of my head.

I’ve been going by they/them pronouns for quite some time but lately I’ve felt as though he/him does not sound all that bad either. So, I guess they/he? I don’t know. I don’t mind being addressed as he. But only in english? I’m not so fond of being referred to as he in my native language (which is german).

This whole gender, sexuality and pronouns thing has been nothing but a huge rollercoaster since about three years.

There also aren’t really words in german, we can use to refer to someone that goes by they/them (or at least i have never come across anything really suitable I felt comfortable with, nor did any of my friends). My parents do know I identify as enby and they support me, which is really awesome. Though they still refer to me as their daughter which makes me uncomfortable on some days. Most days I can ignore it. I tried to explain the whole pronoun thing to my mother earlier and although she did not quite understand, she tried her best and shows support.

I also do not like my birth name, since it’s obviously a girl name. I changed my name to Aidan basically everywhere that’s online. I just don’t know how to possibly address that to my parents. I’m not scared of them not supporting me, because I know they do and always will. I’m afraid they won’t understand.

Yeah, it’s all really just a huge mess which tends to become really frustrating at times.


From: Micro (Discord)

Hey Aidan, thank you so much for sharing all of this. I’m glad to have the opportunity to know you better! You know, for many people, figuring out our gender and sexual identity is a long journey, made of a lot of doubts and questions as well. I was born as a girl, grew up as a woman, and am now constantly wondering what label would fit more with how I feel, and which pronouns to use. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m genderfluid, but some days I’m still trying to figure out between which genders. The point is: it’s okay to ask yourself these questions. You’ll find your own answers. And regarding pronouns specifically, it helps indeed to actually use them and ask the people around you to use them as well, so you could see how it actually makes you feel on a daily basis. I hear that your parents are likely to support you, which is truly awesome! If you’re willing to talk to them, they might not really understand at first, but with the right amount of patience, love and willingness to work together, you could help them learn to understand. The experience that you hold is a key in this situation. A way to help them help you. Because how you feel, this personal journey of yours, is truly valuable. You don’t have to know all the answers and be ready to say “I identify myself as…” to actually talk about it to them. You can make them understand that it’s a process, and you’d like them to be part of it. No matter what you decide, know that we’re all proud of you here. You are understanding yourself more and more, you are more and more in tune with your own identity, and this is going to be a massive strength for you in the future. Please never forget that no matter which label you identify yourself with, and no matter which pronouns you use, you are enough as you are. Nothing and no one will ever change that. You are loved dearly. Hold fast. <3


From: twixremix (Discord)

hey aidan! i really like that name by the way! first off, thank you for sharing your journey with discovering yourself, the pronouns that feel comfortable for you in different languages, and the ways you want to be treated by your parents. as someone who still struggles to this day of explaining sexuality/gender to my parents, I understand your frustration and even dysphoria when your mom invalidates you by deadnaming/mispronouning. i hope they are able to fully understand the gravity of their words and continue to be a strong support to you, especially due to them being your parents. in regards to you finding the pronouns that sound best to you in english and german, i think that’s so cool for you to try it all out to find your comfort level to be addressed in! there is no limit to what you need to do to make this world a great place for you to thrive in so i wish you the best as you feel out different ways people can address you as. you are so loved, you are so valued, and you are so supported. looking forward to hearing your future updates and wishing you an amazing week ahead. love, twix


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