My terrible 2020

in early 2020, about january or february, i met a guy on twitch that was accused of being a pedo. since he was surrounded by close friends of mine and was a nice friend, i didnt believe it. then i stopped believing him after he sent me a dick pic and said he thought of me as he jacked off. he has basically a community that is willing to protect him.

later down the line of 2020, i had a boyfriend in march. we had a pretty close relationship. it wasnt until my close friends at the time told me about him and when i confronted him about the situation, he told me to cut myself for everyday we were “together” and something else i think.

april was when i had another boyfriend. that relationship was really well. everything was fine despite a few fights due to my mental issues at the time. well, it came to a point that he made a shitty promise that if i harmed myself, the relationship was over. i ended up harming myself and he left. i cried alot that night. it tore me to pieces like the last relationship.

around maybe november or somewhere like that i had rekindled a friendship with a group of friends. i had a vent space there and one day as i was venting, a old friend that was there was typing. i asked them not to post anything and they didnt. i said thank you in response. when i posted the vent, i was almost instantly kicked from the server because of a misunderstanding. i couldnt even explain myself until one of them dmed me about it. the whole thing was that i had insulted the friend’s girlfriend which i didnt. his excuse was that because i put dots at the front of my sentences, it meant i was talking about her and that meant i was waiting for him to leave so i could say something. they all betrayed and outlawed me.

this year has broken me away from my family. i feel like a huge burden to them. my dad isnt helping us at all really. my aunt has cancer now and its pretty devastating. ive lost a bit of my mind too. this is probably the worst year of all.


Yes, you’ve had a really tough 2020! I hope this year is better. It sounds like you’re not careful enough when selecting guys to date. It’s better to enjoy your own company than get involved with someone who is toxic. Is it possible to save your venting for a support group, or a person who’s good at handling such a thing?

I think you might need different internet friends.

You might feel like a huge burden, but it helps for those who are helping you, to know how much you appreciate them. Thing is, humans need each other, some need more help, but with that need, an opportunity to be of service fulfills other’s need to feel useful.

Cultivate the ability to be good, calm and comforting company for others. Then you’ll be a burden that’s also an asset. That’s kinda what we all are, really. Evaluate each moment, with a focus on how you might make your situation and those around you feel more pleasant or positive. Sometimes that’s accomplished by letting someone vent to you.

Easily agitated and confused friends might not be good company at this time. It’s better to have those around you that don’t doubt you or your intentions.

Hang in there!

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