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Belongs to: Therapist experiences PinkFloyd for the first time. (Comfortably Numb)
My whole family is pretty much like this, no big highs or lows. This is what I grew up with, I don’t know how else to be. Even when we lost family members no big reaction one way or another. This is all I know…
Hi friend,
I hear you! It is so scary to feel those highs and lows and the numbness gets so comforta ble. Like when your tongue gets burnt and you can no longer taste flavors, the sensors have been damaged from the extreme temperature and so now it cant detect anything at all. When we feel incredibly big and painful things, sometimes our nervous systems respond in a similar way. We get so used to the numbness it is the only way we know how to cope. Oftentimes families can create a culture of this numbness. In order to muscle through and survive the hard times, they block off the highs and lows. My family is like this and never talks about the big scary things together, but rather pretend they dont exist. When we’re together, we go numb. But i have learned another way that allows me to feel more fully.
I hope that when you feel safe and if you have the desire to, that you could perhaps have a conversation with your family about how you feel big life transitions and trauma. I hope you find healing and vibrancy however that looks like. Thank you for reaching out to heartsupport! We are here for you!
Thank you so much for sharing with us. This is a really interesting realization- one that I imagine must bring up some thoughts in yourself. If you don’t mind me asking, how does that make you feel? Do you view the lack of big highs and lows as something you don’t mind living with? Do you welcome the fact that you don’t have to deal with very emotionally heavy lows even though it comes at the cost of not experiencing those mountaintop highs?
I know what it can feel like living in between. It is a very weird feeling to ride the middle ground. In my life this has come in the form of being able to accept that I am more blessed than many others who are seemingly chronically struggling with factors such as poverty, homelessness, hunger, etc, but also feel unfulfilled in my personal goals and desires. That realization can put me into a middle ground, leaving me unsure as to what I am truly feeling. Sometimes this can make it hard to reach out for help too, because I feel as though I’m not doing as well as I should be, but I’m also not doing bad enough to need help. These feelings are often very confusing and can leave you in an emotional no-mans-land.
I’ve always found that when I do feel this, reaching out to others is always the right choice for me. Though I may not feel that I need the help, I always end up talking in depth about emotionally heavy subjects, and typically I find mountaintop highs after going through the struggle with friends. Those relationships that walk through struggle together can be a gateway to experiencing the highs and lows, and it makes it even better that you then have someone to share those feelings with. I encourage you to continue reaching out, just like you’ve done here, and talking about those feelings that may leave you in an emotional no-mans-land. Your struggles matter even if they don’t feel like massive lows. You are so loved and cared for. We at HeartSupport are always here for you if you need more help or a listening ear. Holdfast- we believe in you.
Hi friend,
I hope you’re ok. I definitely understand the feeling of being numb, of feeling like a shell just moving around with just a breath of air in your chest keeping you present. It can be scary sometimes, especially when you think you ought to feel something when the occasion rises. I can’t imagine being like that all the time or being raised in that way. Feelings like grief, pain, and sadness are all accepted and welcome when faced with a death or tragedies in our life, as much as feelings of joy, excitement and happiness when faced with delight. Being in a constant state of numbness can take away from the experiences in our life, even if it feels safe and comfortable there without disappointments, let downs, or failed expectations.
On the other hand, there sounds like a sort of peace that comes with the stillness of it all. Without highs and lows, it seems calm and collected, like everything makes sense. I can appreciate the logic in it, and maybe having grown up the way you have you can help others with your insight. Maybe there are people that want to feel that peace and stillness and would love to know you, and maybe they’re the same people that can help you step out of the numbness, shake out and dust off those feelings and try them on again. The lows can be scary and the highs can sometimes feel overwhelming, but knowing the middle is a great place to start.
And I want you to know that you don’t have to know how to be anyone else but yourself! You are a wonderful, fantastic, unique human being! You don’t need to stress or worry about being anything else! You are important, inside and out, and no matter what you feel, it should feel safe and loved! We are here for you if you need a listening ear and some loving support! 