My wife is an alcoholic trying to beat the battle

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My wife is an alcoholic trying to beat. The battle is sad to watch. It breaks my heart to see her in this shape.

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It’s so heavy to watch someone you love struggling and hurting. Seeing your wife, who means the world to you, facing alcoholism must feel heart-shattering… in ways that are hard to even describe. Watching her go through this fight, wanting so badly for her to break free but feeling powerless as you see her like this… I’m so sorry, friend.

This pain inside that comes from seeing someone you care for so much and is horture is pure torture to the soul. Your heart wants to save them, to be present, to do more, to heal, but your mind also knows that there’s only so much you can do to help - at least practically. When you love so deeply, you also feel for them through every setback, every obstacle on the way, every single fall. It’s a journey shared by proxy, which can feel so conflicting at times - between the empathy and connection you have with her and the way you feel too.

For what it’s worth, these days I’ve been going through something similar as you - in a different context. My partner lost his dad quite abruptly, and it’s been so hard to see him in pain, to feel it with him, while also wondering constantly how can I be more present and just… help. On one side you do bring something beautiful through your presence, love and care, more often than not even beyond words that would be said. But at the same time, it also makes you fully aware of the limits that come with the situation itself. How much healing is also a very personal, intimate journey. We can walk by the side of the people we love but we can’t take the steps for them, and hitting that wall over and over can be so hurtful.

At the same time, your awareness of how hard this is on both of you is a real strength. Just being able to see her struggle and feel the depth of your sadness shows how much you care. Really. That empathy, that connection to her pain, even though it hurts, is also a raw manifestation of your love. It means that you’re present, that you’re not looking away or shutting down - which a lot of people usually do. You’re not ignoring what’s happening, even if that acknowledgment is freaking hard. That is huge, and it’s part of what might help you both in the long run as she continues to fight this battle.

I’ll be rooting for you and your wife. For the love you have for each other to prevail beyond the ghosts that addiction creates. You deserve healing. You deserve peace.

-Marie-Anne