I cannot place full blame on the app seeing how it offers so many tools for healthy eating and it has helped many people and it’s helped me with weight loss. I guess it’s the calorie counting aspect of the app that has caused me to relapse. I struggled with bulimia and anorexia through middle school and high school. What made me stop was an incident where I passed out and it was very frightening. I didn’t want that to happen again. I’ve binged and purged and have gone some days without eating or eating very little in a day. Even the app has warned me about my low calorie intake. Like I said, I cannot place blame on the app. Some days I just want to say that’s it I’m done trying to make healthy habits. Food is my comfort when I’m sad when I’m happy when I’m bored. It’s like literal drugs, when I first started I went through withdrawals. I did it right though, I stuck to my deficit and meal prepped and walked every day. I started at 300lbs and in a month and half I got down to 273. Toward the end of the half month mark is when I began to relapse. The pounds were going up and down and I had so much anxiety that I was going to end up gaining all the weight back. At the moment I haven’t purged, I have deprived myself or will eat one meal a day. I’m really going to try this week to get back on track and make better choices. I’ve also been thinking of seeing a nutritionist. I’m positive I need a therapist too, but you know how it is to face our fears and character defects…
I asked myself the other day, why am I doing this? To look better or to feel better? To lose weight or develop a healthier lifestyle? I would be lying if I said the latter. I just wanted to open up because no one knows this no one has ever known this about me. I’m struggling.
Hi there,
I’m so proud of you for making this post. We’re here to listen and support you.
to face our fears and character defects…
There is no character defect here, friend. You’re struggling with something, a condition that has to be treated and/or managed, in the same way we have to attend to physical wounds or things we can see.
I see your attempts to do something about it for yourself, and that you’re willing to try, and try multiple things!! That’s so brave and courageous of you, and I want you to be proud of that too. Getting a therapist is a great idea, because it will give you some compassionate support as you tackle this. Same with a nutritionist, they’'ll have the tips and tricks that an app won’t, and you can determine what will work for you and be able to change it up to suit you!
It’s hard yes, but I’m hopeful for you friend. I see such a strong person in this post, get yourself the additional assistance you need - there’s the tools to help you for the job at hand 
you are seen, and you matter 
I’m so sorry you have relapsed. Being surrounded by things like weight loss apps and websites, even groups on Facebook, is so hard when it comes to staying on the course for recovery.
Are you able to delete the app? I know the damage has been done already, but that seems like a positive starting point. Sometimes in ED relapsing, getting caught up in the numbers just makes things worse and it spirals over and over again. Deleting the app would allow you the opportunity to step away from recording the numbers and maybe help set you on the right path again.
I completely encourage you to see a therapist again! And a nutritionist is not a bad idea either. Perhaps getting back on a meal plan would be helpful too, and a nutritionist can assist with that.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve tried to “be healthy” and it’s caused me to relapse. I’ve finally just reached a point where I don’t weigh myself, don’t count calories, etc. I’m trying my best to practice intuitive eating as well. There are a couple books you can find on Amazon that are great for that.
You are more than numbers, and your body deserves to be nourished and loved. It’s the one thing giving you life, which you totally deserve! <3
From: ManekiNeko
I know the hole that can open up when you start using the apps and start counting ect. Once your mind has been through the experience, even when you think you’re over it, it easily sneaks back up on you. I’m so so happy you said you’re talking to a nutritionalist and therapist about this. I do hope it helps you feel more grounded that you’re doing this for the right reasons and helps you kick the other voices telling you other things to the curb. I know it’s such a hard thing to be open about and talk about, and I’m grateful you are opening this conversation for people.
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hi rosn, when I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, I had a nutritionist come visit me at my house. She taught me how to read nutrition labels, about portion sizes and how to eat healthy. In the next few years, I lost 160 pounds (there were other things involved) and my diabetes is under control. If you have an ED, then you really should seek therapy so you can figure out why and learn coping skills. With nutritionist and a therapist together, I think you can recover and learn to live a healthy life. I wish you well. ~Mystrose
From: Mamadien
Hello rosn. I applaud you for working on being healthy. It’s so important for all aspects of our life to have a healthy body. I’ve used MyFitnessPal in the past and I understand what you are saying about the calorie counting being a trigger. I started to go down that road of calorie obsession and had to stop. Having a prior history of an ED, you have really good self awareness in this situation and it’s kicking in. I like the idea of seeing a nutritionist and a counselor both as you work through your health journey. If you have any of the previous strategies you learned in the past to help you until you can see someone, that could help also. I’m proud of you for not just committing to being healthy for yourself, but for being willing and brave to reach out for encouragement here.
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hi Friend, Thank you so much for this post. I would like to start by saying that I have struggled with my weight all my life so losing weight and putting it back on has been achieved countless times and so too has been using all different types of diets to do it. Ultimately there is only one way to lose weight and it doesnt matter what app or book tells you in what way or how, the truth is you just have to put a few less calories in your body than you are putting out and I mean a few, the moment you start trying to put hundreds less you will start to encounter problems. losing weight is a long term commitment and if rushed it will rush back on unfortunaltely and its also not a straight road, you will have weeks when you lose, weeks when you gain and weeks when you do neither but when you look at it as a whole it will be a downwood slide if you keep at it and it will be healthy if you dont try to do it all in a week. Take your time, do it in a healthy way, try and see a nutritionist if you can and make it a lifestyle not a diet and you will lose weight. I have faith in you but please be safe. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers x
Thank you all for your kindness and understanding and encouragement! It feels less of a burden on my shoulders. This will be a life long way of living. It’s hard to grasp but it isn’t impossible. Also thank you for some of the suggestions you have offered. I really do need all the support I can get and to receive it from you all, it is heartwarming. 🫶🏾
How have you been doing over the last day or so? Have things been feeling a bit lighter for you? Is there anything we can do to support you?
I’ve been struggling. Since this post I had so much motivation then it just plummeted. And in such a short amount of time I feel discouraged. I’m binging and I keep telling myself to stop but the want is stronger. The first few days went great, I had cravings but I had it under control. I take responsibility for it though, it just seems when I choose to gear myself in a positive direction something negative always happens. I just want to stay on topic because I could go on. The last thing I want is to use these circumstances as a cop out even though it feels like the easiest way to deal honestly. The thing that keeps ringing in my head is don’t give up. When I started my weight loss journey no matter how many time I messed up or went over my deficit I was always consistent. I just realize I can’t do this on my own I really can’t. No matter how strongly I feel that I could, I can’t. I’m going to hurt myself if i continue on my own. I’ve been waiting for my appt for the nutritionist which is in another week. It just makes my head spin, battling against the negative. It’s almost like running away from a fire just to run into another fire. I’m hanging in there to say the least. Thank you for asking and hearing me vent about it 
Oh I’m so sorry, you’re absolutely right that it’s so hard to do it in your own. And there will be days ahead that are better than others, but you don’t have to go through it alone at all. I do hope your appointment goes well and that they can help you find a balance between health and the other invasive thoughts about it.
It’s natural to have cravings/thoughts from time to time, it doesn’t mean you’re failing or not doing good enough. The fact that you’ve come to recognise it and acknowledge you need some extra help is so big! Thank you so much for the update
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