I am finally in the process of getting my last name changed to my aunt’s. As we were not formally adopted, I never really thought about how much a name meant to me. Or in this case how much pain I associated with it. I never ever want to be there again.
I think the only thing I’ll kind of regret or be sad about is no longer sharing that with my brother, but I’d hope that maybe if he had been better he would have changed it too.
I forgot to add the other good things- which is one thing really, which is that I also got an apprenticeship.
this is so amazing to hear. Names surely can hold a lot of weight. Whether they are names made up by people or names that we are born into, they hold who people see us and and even who we see ourselves as. You are definitely more than the trauma and pain that has followed you. You’ve made such a huge huge change to be where you are and so this fits extremely nicely. I hope it now brings you some peace. I know you mentioned that you wished you were still sharing the name with your brother, but he will always have been your brother. You will always be connected by blood and by love. Even though I know at times that love must’ve been hard for you both. You will always have a part of him with you.
congrats on the apprenticeship! That’s so great to hear! Look how far you’ve come! You really did make it out, and I know I am so proud of you, and so are many others
Thank you so much for sharing these updates here with this community. Goodness! How powerful these steps are. Coming to the realization that this name actually has its importance as it is attached to a story that you don’t want to have to face unexpectedly, and deciding to take action in order to change it… I hope you’re proud of yourself, or at the very least that you will celebrate this decision. It is such a beautiful way to assert YOUR needs, to make a clear distinction between what you want in your life and what you don’t want anymore. I personally have as a second name my mom’s name, and hate being reminded of her existence and past traumas she caused whenever I see this name on an official document, or even on my medications. It makes completely sense to need to change this kind of element in your life. It may look like it’s “just” a name, but it still holds a story and is a symbol of something heavy for you. Again, well done for seeking a healthy transition on that matter. You get to create your own story, not to just keep carrying one you never asked for. Rest assured also that more than a name, you share with your brother so much love and affection, and nothing is ever going to shake that foundation, not even just a bit.
Also: well done for this apprenticeship! How do you feel about it, if I may ask? It sounds like some really good news, although I imagine that it could come with its share of stress or fears. In any case, you’re going to do so well! You got this.
Hi Whois. I am glad that there are such positive changes in your life. It might seem small to others but you know how important it is to you which is what truly matters. By changing your name you just drew a big line between you and the painful past you want to forget. Maybe your brother will change his name too one day. You are still brothers and that name change did nothing to change that. I hope this will bring you at least a bit of closure and peace of mind. Also congratulation on the apprenticeship! I hope the good news will keep on coming. You deserve to be happy Whois and I hope there will be more things in the future to bring you happiness. Take care friend
Thank you, I’d like to think so too. I’d like to think that I’m finally leaving the negative things that are associated with me and with my family behind.
That is extremely hard to get past, I’m so sorry. Like yeah, I tried for a long time not to care too much about it but I always knew in the back of my mind that’s the name of our abuser, that’s our mothers name, and that’s all we will ever amount to.
I’ve been really missing my brother today. Maybe a bit of the guilt is kind of lingering and making it hard too.
Unfortunately he died last year. It was a long time coming because he really didn’t want to help himself. I’d like to think he would have made some sort of difference in his life if he thought more of himself.
I’m pretty excited and a little nervous. More so bc it’s always hard to meet new people and then there’s the voice saying “don’t fuck it up!”. I think it’ll probably help my socialisation skills a bit though.
Just a little reminder of love sent your way today. I hope you are proud of yourself for your growth, your resilience and the healthy decisions you’ve been taking. You are rising so beautifully. Keep going, friend, and know you have an online fam’ right here to lean on whenever you need. Hold Fast.
I’ve been really missing my brother today. Maybe a bit of the guilt is kind of lingering and making it hard too.
PS - I hear you. When I think about my brother, who passed away 4 yrs ago, while I am healing in ways he never did, I feel guilty for having that chance that he didn’t have. It is okay to feel guilt, but it’s also important to recognize for what it is: a manifestation of pain and grief, not of any false truth that we would be tempted to create out of it. Somehow, each step we take to move forward is also a way to honor them, to honor their memory. Obviously I didn’t know your, but I can imagine that he would be proud of you for thriving, asserting your needs, using your voice, strengthening your boundaries as well. The past abuses will never define you. It will never own you.
I’m trying to stay proud of myself and stay positive. Things are going very well thank you! I’m trying to be more open with my aunt about things and talk more, tell her when I’m feeling down. I think she maybe knows I’d never go back to that place that made me want to attempt to take my life (or at least not act on it), but of course she always worries! It’s what we do when we love someone!
It is a great way to honour them, you’re right. I know both our brothers would be proud of us and would want us to find peace in ourselves.
