So I have made some progress with my husband’s family. My husband and I have decided to give a fake but believable apology to his brother and his brother’s wife and then vowed to not talk to them or have anything to do with them after that and we still need to sit down with my in laws and discuss boundaries. But until then I’m being civil, because I came to the conclusion I don’t have to like them just tolerate and be civil with them for his sake. He’s not gonna do marriage counseling or do counseling on his own. But at this point I knew that wouldn’t be an option. But I’m slowing getting better but it’s still a lot.
Thank you so much for sharing these updates with the community. As you said: it is a lot. And somehow the situation seems so delicate that no option feels 100% safe or comfortable. But it seems that you are apprehending the situation in a rational way, which is definitely going to serve you in the long run. Unfortunately, you can’t change people who don’t want to. But you can learn to not let their own attitude or words affect you in ways you don’t want to. Easier said than done… I know. But slowly, you can get more and more asserted in your position and in your rights.
Somehow, toxicity is fed by others reactions. Giving what the people are looking for by pressing our own trigger buttons only keeps the cycle alive. When you keep it civil and to the minimum, you protect yourself and don’t give them anything to turn against you. So, it sounds to be the safest option for you right now given the circumstances, and I’m glad you manage to follow that path. Just make sure to have a space to express your emotions when it’s need, okay? This forum can be used as such - always - if it happened that you don’t find anywhere else yet. You’re not alone.