Narcissistic abuse

My in laws try to control everything I do, what my husband (their son) does and how we parent, I recently blocked them on social media and in my phone do to my mental health, but my mother in law is making a fuss about it to my husband and she wanted me to unblock them and send a friend request back to them. I tried to explain to my husband that I didn’t want to do that because of my mental health and that anytime I see their faces my blood starts to boil and I get so angry. I have never felt like family or never felt welcomed. My husband calls me a delusional narcissistic bitch and selfish all because I want to take care of myself. I’m a mother just trying to stay afloat. My husband works I’m a stay at home mom but I bend over backwards for him and our son but never feel appreciated just taken for granted. I understand that they are his parents but toxic is toxic in my opinion and my mental health should come before their selfishness. But that’s how it’s always been since I came into the picture and it got worse after I had my son. It wasn’t even a week after we got home from the hospital and they wanted us to go to their camper in the woods. One I could barely move because I had a bad labor and delivery and 2 he was too young had colic was constantly regurgitating his formula didn’t have a routine yet and they didn’t care said it couldn’t be that bad and now all this. But my family are very supportive and if I would ever make the choice to leave would take me and help me get on my own two feet. But it’s always about my husband and his original family. I just am feeling hopeless, not loved nor wanted :broken_heart: and if it weren’t for my little one I think I would’ve ended it all sooner. I just feel stuck. Help


You are right to protect yourself and your child from a dysfunctional family. Your husband doesn’t seem to understand what the word narcissistic means. His priority needs to be you and your son, not what his family thinks. It sounds like he is still in the habit of doing what they tell him to.

Relationship counseling might be helpful. If he won’t go for it, perhaps you should seek counseling, to help you decide what your next steps should be.


Hey Dinomomma,

I +1 what Wings said, Relationship counseling could be very helpful. It sounds like there’s a priority breakdown between you and your husband, and you disagree on what’s important. I think counseling could help get you two on the same page again!

As for the actual situation itself, is there potentially any middle ground there? I agree that your mental health is important, and so I wouldn’t ever recommend sacrificing that, I just wonder if there’s maybe room for you to somewhat meet them halfway, even if you don’t like them.

I’m not a huge social media user myself, so I might be off base here, but why not unblock them, add them back as friends and apologize? Not because you were wrong in any way, but to appease them? You don’t have to read anything they post, or keep up to date with what they do on there right? So you could just add them back, appease them with an apology, and basically just ignore it.

Of course, when it comes to actually endangering your own health and that of your child, I definitely support you putting your foot down and saying no when it’s not in either of your own interests. I don’t know what kind of mind-reading your in-laws think they’re doing to somehow know that your struggles “aren’t that bad”, and it’s pretty astounding of them to assume you don’t know what’s best for you and your child.

In this whole situation, I’d say it’s important to ask yourself if your connection to your in-laws (and potentially your husband unfortunately) is something that’s absolutely necessary in your, and your childs life. If it isn’t, I’d take whatever steps possible to get you and your son into a healthier situation. However if you decide that you do need to keep them in your life, there might need to be some give and take. Instead of saying no to something, try to re-schedule. Attempt to be as non-confrontational and appeasing as possible to keep them happy (within the limits of your mental health of course). It’s less about who is right and who is wrong, and more about keeping the relationship afloat if you deem that important.

I just want to re-iterate, this isn’t a recommendation to just roll over and give them what they want. I’d just say it’s important to make the big decision about whether you want them in your life or not, and take the appropriate action. You might find some peace and direction in fully picking one side, or the other.

Best of luck!


Hey @DinoMomma,

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. This is indeed a heavy situation and you certainly didn’t ask for being treated that way.

Setting boundaries and expressing your needs was the right thing to do. It doesn’t make you whatever your husband called you. Absolutely not. Only a human being who needs time to heal and rest. Expressing our needs and taking care of ourselves shouldn’t be a cause of criticism and guilt. It’s not up to anyone else but you to evaluate how you feel and how much you need to take care of yourself. I truly commend you for asserting your needs in the midst of a situation that seems to be really stressful and prone to make you feel guilty while really you’re not at fault right there.

It must be hard to feel like you’re an outcast among their family. That no matter what you’d say or do, it would just never be enough… What an unfair expectation and pressure to put on the shoulders of someone. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. And even more since your husband doesn’t seem to understand your perspective. He might be close to his family, but what he said to you was not loving. It was only a way to prevent any healthy communication to happen.

Since your family is very supportive on the other end, please don’t hesitate to rely on them as much as needed. Your little one would never want to lose his mother. The situation is chaotic, distressing and confusing, but I can assure you that it doesn’t define you, and certainly not as a mom. In the eyes of your little one, you are SO loved, and it’s a fundamental love to keep embracing right there.

In times to come, communication will certainly need to happen between you, your husband and his family. If there is a history of feeling rejected and them having this kind of shady behavior towards you, it might be necessary to clear the air at some point about this. Otherwise any small event or contradiction would be an excuse to point out fingers at you. Unfortunately, you cannot control their reaction. But they would be forced to finally be honest with you/how they see you, and not constantly beat around the bush, with maybe (hopefully) the possibility for some mutual restoration right there.

This kind of toxic behavior feeds itself with silence, while on the opposite, communication tends to create discomfort as it requires honesty from the ones who are not ready to admit their poor behavior. It can be tricky to handle, but it could give you a clear perspective regarding how the future would be with them - or not. As our friends suggested though, it would be healthier and easier to envision that kind of conversation with the help of a counselor. First because it would give you a space for YOU, where you could talk about everything without any filter, and without any judgment. In other words, your hopelessness is understandable and needs to be handled in a safe way, because you don’t deserve any harm. But also because you would have a tangible resource to use regarding how you’d handle this situation in times to come.

In any case, please keep reaching out, friend. I can only imagine how isolating this situation must be for you, but you are not alone, okay? It has taken a lot of courage for you to reach out today and we’re all very proud of you for doing so. We see you. We’re here to support you. Just like your family, we’re rooting for you. You will get through this and figure out how, at your own pace. :hrtlegolove:


Hey DinoMama,

EsRivs responded to your post live on stream with some wonderful words of encouragement!

Here is a link to her reply that you can watch


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