Need advice

:pensive:so tonight my boyfriend and I got into a argument because he wanted to help me feel better because of a scary situation that happened to me here at my school. So I called my roommate then called my parents to tell them what was going on And my boyfriend tried to calling me back but then I told him I’m talking to my parents.

He feels like he can’t help me now because I go to my parents alot of times even if it’s something he can help me with and afterwards I called him back and we started arguing because he wasn’t able to help me clam down since I was talking to my parents but he was right there talking to me before I called my parents and he tends to act inmmature when he’s mad and says things he doesn’t mean like tonight.

Some things he was saying were messing with my head because when we argue sometimes he will say certain things and it makes me feel like he’s manipulating me to get into my head and my mind goes back to some things my abusive ex used to say to me and then I end up comparing him to my ex witch it’s healthy for both of us :pensive:. I see a therapist and they say I’ve gotta better but have I really because I compare him a lot to my ex when we argue about things sometimes and it makes me feel like I’m a horrible :disappointed:girlfriend to him when I compare him and I’m not good enough for him.

:pensive:idk what to do with this because how am I going to get better for my relationship and him and myself?.

strong text

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Hello Legacylex

I think you should go with your gut and feelings in situations like this. If you feel something is not right. It’s perfectly valid for you to feel that feeling. Whether there is, or isn’t something you need to address in your relationship, in the end is a you decision. I think if you openly talk about how you feel and what is bothering you with your partner, that it could potentially help you to figure out and hopefully resolve whatever is wrong. If you openly communicate how you feel and nothing changes in the situations that are making you feel that way, in the future. Then maybe you might have to second think the relationship. Communication is big here though. Two people have to be able to communicate well and accommodate for the person they are with. Their needs and emotions. If there is lack of good communication and no changing in consideration of that communication. Things will just stay the same. If things are fine the way they are, thats no problem. So it’s just a matter of if you’re satisfied with your relationship or not. You should never have to question if you are good enough for someone. You are enough, people who care about you should reassure you in this.

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Thank you and you’re 100% right. There was a-lot of miscommunication last night when us and this morning we apologized to each other. We are now doing good.

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Hey Legacylex,

I am happy to hear you and your boyfriend were able to apologize and feeling better about the situation. I wanted to come on here and say a lot of our spiraling in relationships do come from previous trauma. I too also let sometimes my previous relationships and trauma affect my current relationship. The best advice I can give is in times of conflict resolution with your partner remember that its about coming back to love. Who is the first person that can be remind each other that this is about coming back to love, not right or wrong. Also ask questions and be curious, ask your partner things rather than accusing, and instead of blanket statements always be curious. Again so glad you guys made up and if you want things to be different moving forward in times of conflict ask “how can we come back to love right now, what do you need? Can you do this for me?” Etc… Hope this helps too Have a great day! :smile:

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