Any advice is welcome. I want a relationship that would eventually lead to marriage. I’m seeing this woman but she said she doesn’t know if she wants to be in a relationship. She did tell me she likes me a lot and enjoys spending time with me. She said it’s because she’s dealing with medical issues I won’t discuss here. I understand and people tell me not to worry and trust in God. I just fear that I might miss out on love/marriage.
Dramatic and nothing like some more serious issues people need help with. Just had to ask for advice l.
Hi friend - It can be so frustrating when people say “don’t worry” - at least I find it to be.
When you are still or in prayer, do you have a sense of what you should do? I often find that while my mind will tell me what-if this or that, I still have a voice deep in my soul that will help guide me. It can be tough because my mind always wants its way, but my mind is usually rooted in fear and what-ifs so is not always the best guide in complex situations.
If the woman you’re seeing doesn’t know if she wants to be in relationship, is it possible for you to be open to meeting someone new? Can you both still spend some time together on whatever level is comfortable for the both of you, but not close yourself off from the possibility of something new? I would listen to what she is saying - that is she is not sure, then I too would be unsure about my future with her and be open to whatever may be next.
Thanks for the response. Yea maybe I could meet someone else but I also don’t want to jeopardize my possibility with this woman. And this might sound terrible, but I don’t want to be spending time with her if it’s not leading anywhere. I know it will only make me develop feelings for her and then be let down if she doesn’t want a relationship. I don’t know, silly struggle I suppose but it is on my mind a lot.
Hey @moowno2. It’s not a silly struggle at all…
I’m not going to go into the christian aspect of it, but I did want to try to respond from one person to another. I don’t think I’m going to be able to explain what I mean very well, so sorry if I say something that seems terrible.
This is a hard subject to give advice on because everyone’s situation is different, and no matter what you decide, you could find yourself taking a path that you don’t necessarily want to be on. That said, you could go down the best path of your life.
If she said she “doesn’t know,” there is the possibility that she could change her mind and decide she does want to be in it with you for the long term. This might seem like a “cold” way to think, but… I think you need to decide how much of your time you’re willing to give to her to let her decide if she does want a long term relationship with you.
If you don’t mind her medical problems, she will (hopefully) eventually see that and be able to see you care enough for the long term. Not all but a lot of people with medical problems have only seen the backside of people as they walk away, and are afraid to get in a relationship because they don’t want to be left again, or are scared because they feel like they’ll be a burden to their significant other. That may be the case for her, and if she sees you care, she might decide differently. But if for some reason she can’t make a decision, you need to figure out if you’re willing to keep trying.
You should probably talk to her about this every once in a while to see where she is on it, and make sure she knows that you still want to have a relationship with her. People are always worth fighting for, but you also have do it in a way that keeps you healthy and happy, and if it doesn’t, sometimes you have to let go. Letting go may just be staying friends and finding someone else to date. But that’s something that only you can decide on.
I hope you find the answer you’re looking for.
Thanks Daisy, I don’t mind her medical problems. My mind always thinks the worst, but I know just because I think the worst doesn’t mean it is. Sometimes I have a confidence issue. I’ll continue to pursue her.