I made a profile on a dating app. I matched with this guy a couple of days ago. We’ve messaged for a couple of days. He asked me to hang out today. I don’t know if I want to because I don’t know him and we’ve barely talked but I don’t know how to say that without making it uncomfortable. It’ll be awkward no matter what I choose so I’m stuck. As of now, I haven’t responded at all. I made a mistake even creating the account, since it seems like now I’m unsure of what I want, but I’m also protective of myself because I don’t know what kind of people are out there and I’ve heard stories of horrible dates. If anyone has any advice or guidance that could help me, please share!!
Its really brave of you to put yourself out there to start with, it is a worry to meet someone in person that you haven’t met before especially after just a couple of days of getting to know them.
I am sure if you were to explain the same way you have here and say that its not a personal thing and that you would feel the same whomever you were talking to, that you just need to get to know him a bit more before you are ready. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling like this at all.
When you do decide the time is right so that you feel safe meet him somewhere open where there are plenty of people but somewhere you can chat and learn more about one another. You will always here horror stories about situations because they are what people share most, there isnt as much gossip interest in successful happy situations unfortunately but I am sure they happen far more than the horror ones but you are right to protect yourself all the same. I hope whatever you decide all works out well for you.
Either this guy is young and doesn’t know any better or he is suspiciously aggressive in asking you to hang out after such a short time of knowing each other. Even I, as a guy, would want to take at least a couple of months to get to know a person before deciding to meet. I need to be as confident as possible that I’m not going to end up in a “fatal attraction” situation.
You could either tell him that you are not ready to meet yet, or have decided to start seeing someone that you met elsewhere, or you could just ghost him and close the account. If you do decide to meet this person, don’t share personal information, like letting him see your driver’s license or credit card. I wouldn’t even let him see your vehicle if you’re driving one.
One thing is certain, the more time you spend chatting with this person online, the better idea you will have whether or not you want to meet him.
It’s understandable to feel anxious about it. It’s best to just be honest and open about how you’re feeling. Being safe is important too because as you said you don’t know him that well. If you decide to hang out, choose meeting in a public space with people like going out for coffee and let friends know where you are. If you decide you’re not ready for dating that’s okay too. Just be honest and clear in your communication with him.
Hey Bella, Welcome at heartsupport.
First off, it is completely okay to try, and then to realize that maybe it wasn’t the right timing for you. Having someone telling you they want to meet you suddenly makes everything more real, while as long as you are on the dating app, there is a sense of protection of safety because there isn’t these direct contacts yet. Your first reaction - feeling like you’ve made a mistake, feeling stressed out and stuck - makes completely sense in this situation. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being protective of yourself, especially when it comes with meeting new people whom you first interacted with online. It’s actually wise to have that level of awareness, and to not take everything that is said online for granted. Now, the question remains regarding if you’d still like to meet them or not. Do you feel like this is something you would try despite the fears you’ve been feeling? Or do you feel like maybe this is just not the right time for you to take those steps? Maybe also a dating app wouldn’t be for you the right way to try to meet and date someone. Overall, it really comes down to how you feel about this, where your heart is and what your intuition tells you. Whether you feel ready to date or not is okay. Whether you feel ready to meet this person or not is okay. Whether you respond to them or not is okay - you have no obligation to pursue a conversation, and you are more than allowed to take your time.
One piece of advice, in case you meet them and in order to comfort this side of yours that needs reassurance/safety, is to make sure to meet them in a public place. A coffee shop for example can be a nice place to say hi and chat for the first time. Keep it to meeting in a place that is public as long as you don’t know them really. If you have some trusted friends, you can also let them know when you’d meet with this person. That way you can make sure to stay safe, and hopefully feel at peace.
Would love to hear from you and how it’s been for you since you posted. No matter what decision you make, it is always going to be okay as long as it is your choice. Hold Fast.
Thank you. You really validated what I was feeling and a lot of the same thoughts I was having. I’m not sure if now’s the right time and if meeting someone over an app is right for me. I do think I’d feel uncomfortable meeting someone who I initially met online in real life. It’s just awkward. It seems much nicer to meet someone somewhere else, like work or social setting, first because it’s like a gradual introduction to them.
As for an update; I told him thanks but that I can’t come over now. We chatted a bit more then he stopped replying to me so it’s done for now. I’m bummed because it was nice to feel like someone’s interested in me and that i may have a future with them, but it was also scary to consider meeting them and it being awkward or bad.