I don’t like opening up to people. But I have been struggling with my emotions the past few years. I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and anxiety. I refused meds because they made me feel like an empty zombie. My boyfriend whom I have know for 5 years, we dated on and off. I met him when I moved to my area in 2011. We were extremely close. He overdosed on dec 26, 2016. I struggle any given day but once winter hits, it’s like it takes over me. I can’t see past this pain. I feel guilty every day. I blame myself. All of our friends told/ still tell me that he he loves/ loved me. He told them to tell me that constantly. It doesn’t help that I had no knowledge of this before hand and I almost feel like he od’d to get away from me. But I keep asking myself if he loved me, why would he do this. I still feel so much pain from this. No amount of time can heal this agony. I blame myself. I feel like it’s all my fault that he’s gone.
Don’t blame yourself for something you didn’t do.
It sounds like he really did love you.
Your boyfriend was probably going to something or dealing with something he couldn’t handle anymore and probably didn’t tell you since he loved you so much and didn’t want to make you worry about him.
I’m sure he lived you alot and wishes that you would be happy even if he wasn’t/ isn’t by your side. Remember the memories you two made together and remember him. You might feel sad because you know you won’t be able to make more precious memories nor be able to talk to him face to face but be happy he was part of your life. He got to be part of your life and you got to be part of your life. He’s part of you and always will be with you in your heart and you will always have memories of him. Stay strong. I’m here if you ever need to talk to someone or just want someone there for you to let all your worries out.