my dad just called me and told me my grandfather might be brain dead. he was almost crying on the phone and then hung up and i told him to call me when he gets to the hospital. i didn’t know my grandfather well at all and only met him maybe less than six times. how do i help my dad cope with it if he is dead? i lost my mom and he lost his wife in august of last year. i don’t think he’s capable of another loss as huge as this one and i’ve been in a terrible spot recently and haven’t been able to mentally support myself and now this. what do i do? what do i say?
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Hey @echo,
I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather and that you lost your mother last year. I can only imagine how heart-wrenching this must be. It is absolutely heartbreaking that you’re experiencing another loss in your family. You can be there for your dad, be by his side and hold his hand, give him space when he needs it. Listen to your heart and you’ll do the right thing. You can also ask him what he needs, how you can support him, and let him know that it is okay for him to cry and to be sad about losing his dad, that he doesn’t have to pretend he was okay to protect you. (Of course whatever you feel comfortable with.)
Make sure to take good care of yourself, too, and to consult professionals and seek additional support when necessary. This is so tough to go through for both you and your dad. We’re here for you. Sending you hugs and much love. 
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@echo hey there love. So sorry to hear about your loss. I think the best thing to say is that you are there for him. Give him a big hug and hold him tight. And if you don’t live close at all, then make sure you call him and talk to him as much as you both can. Help reassure him that he has you to lean on, and be willing to lean on each other for support when you both need it. The biggest thing that helped me through loss was having someone there to text me every day multiple times asking if I was okay, and if I didn’t answer they would call, or having someone to hold. Just make sure he knows you’re there for him. Listen to your heart and gut, and just be loving support for him, but always remember that you have to take care of yourself as well. Seek and consult professionals when needed.
Love you friend.
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From: twixremix
hi echo,
i’m heartbroken to hear what your grandfather, you, and your family are going through right now. i’m so thankful you came to this forum for support and i hope you can feel us all lifting you up through this. your dad must be truly blessed to have you in his life to support him through life’s constant obstacles. while a lot of the healing in the grief process is a personal battle, meaning you can’t do much but support him, you can encourage any amount of progress or just you being by his side will be the best help you can supply. however, you can’t put it all on your shoulders, especially because you shared how you also aren’t doing well mentally. encourage your dad to seek out grief counseling when he’s ready - that’s been a tremendous help in my own life with my mom grieving her late father.
all in all though, the best and most you can do is just be there for him. be his shoulder to lean on and ear to listen to, you can even cry together even though y’all’s sadness won’t align in what you both are crying for. your priority though is your own mental well-being so please remember that if things to get to be too overwhelming or else things will get harder on the both of you. thank you for being worried for your dad, echo, you’re truly a gift in the lives of many. please keep us here on the forum updated if you ever need to vent or need support - we’re here for you always. sending you and your entire fam so much love.
love,
twix
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From: eloquentpetrichor
Hey, echo, I’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I hope he makes a miraculous recovery
Assuming the worst does happen… You have experienced so much loss in your young life and you carry all this weight on your shoulders. It is admirable of you to want to take your father’s burden onto yourself but please remember that you are losing someone as well and you also need support. I’m not saying to not be there for your dad or do what you can for him but I want to remind you to make sure you care for yourself as well.
If you think your dad needs it and would be open please suggest grief counseling to him. It can be a hard thing to admit you need and a hard topic to bring up but sometimes having someone to talk to about loss who is not also feeling that loss can be really helpful. And especially if you feel you need to focus on yourself and your own grief and mental health then if may be the best path for him.
That isn’t something to suggest immediately though I would say. I would start with just hugging him and holding him and crying with him. Help him know that he is not alone and that his tears and his feelings are allowed and valid. Just as much as all of yours are as well. And if his grief starts to pull your mental health down more and you need to step back from his grief then that is perfectly acceptable as well and that can be when you suggest grief therapy. Something along the lines of “I want to be here for you, dad, but right now I’m struggling to be here for myself and I want you to have the support you need and deserve. I think grief therapy may be really beneficial so that we can both have the support we need”. That’s just a rough idea of how I might word it.
Again I am so sorry that this is happening to you and I wish you and your family well with all the struggles that are in your life right now.
Stay strong
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