Need help i feel lost

first off i would like to say sorry for my grammar. i was not taught properly in school. lets get started

so for years dating back as far as preschool i have felt different than the rest. and i had a pretty hard childhood growing up with a pedophile meth addict father who would abuse us regularly. any way i would look at girls as though i wanted to be one but i would never say anything and i would dress up as they would i had girls give me make overs etc. i was even caught wearing a girls one piece bathing suit three times. any way skipping forward a decade i was in the hospital for cutting myself and i came out as a girl but it didnt feel comfortable. so i gave that up and i almost lost my family due to my insanity. and what started all this is i believe my real father raped me when i was a small child i have dreams and flash backs of him doing so. and it wouldnt be a suprise cause he had sex with all the little girls in our neighborhood. and please bear with me i know this is all over the place but i really need some christian help. so i have been living on my own a little over 8 months now and i have thought about it alot and i am bisexual i have had boyfriends and girlfriends and i even fell in love with a boy named matt. but my question is is what i am going through a sin i dont want to live this life if it goes against gods will. i will even go as far to never have a relationship with a man if it goes against gods will. but is it ok cause i want to have a happy life and be me.


We are all born different. Nobody can follow the Bible one-hundred percent because we all are human. You should do what makes you feel the happiest. The LGBT community is growing so it’s not as bad or as stigmatized as before. God will accept you for who you are. God bless.



I just want to start with you are a strong individual, and I am glad you are on here sharing what you have gone through! I agree with the person above me who stated we are all born different, unique, and with our own personal experiences that makes us - us. We can use our negative and positive experiences to help others and sharing our stories allows others to know they are not alone. As you already probably know counseling can help you with what you might of went through with your father. Counseling can be a very important step to help break off the negative chains that experience can be causing in your life.

To answer your question about sexuality from a Christian, yes it is a sin,

Scripture states: 1 Corinthians chapter 6:9-11 “Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men[a] 10 … But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”

I am not here to scare you off but to let you know Jesus came to earth and laid down his life and rose again for us because we all fall short and commit sin. However, those who believe in him and repent are forgiven. He is always outstretching an arm to anyone to accept his free will to salvation, and anyone who has breath can come to him with an open heart he loves us all.

Let me tell you we all commit sin. I committed so many unrighteous sins but through God, I was able to change my life around and here I am today. Even though I am still nowhere near being perfect I am saved through Jesus. Simply asking Jesus to help change how you feel and keep you on the path he wants for you. When you follow the Lord he will open so many doors in your life and will bless you in ways it will be unexplainable, a miracle. He will cancel those desires that are not from him and give you new desires that are better and beneficial for your life. God has a purpose for your life! You can truly be happy through him and you find your true self through him

I hope this helps you well, and God always is loving you. This might sound hard but let me tell you God is a miracle worker and through him, all things can be accomplished!

Hey friend,

Thanks for sharing some of your story and experiences. I am not religious but from an outside perspective, you are worth being loved as you are and who you are. You deserve to love who you want to love and be loved by those who love you, no matter who they are.

You deserve:

  • To be loved
  • to be respected
  • to be listened to
  • to be cared for
  • to be treated kindly and with respect
  • to be happy
  • to be your true self

Be proudly yourself. Be confident in yourself.

  • Kitty :hrtlegolove:
1 Like

I came back to check on you, as a christian this walk can be difficult at times especially alone, but the reward with God is great. We are not perfect and God knows it that is why he sent his son, if you ever need someone to talk to I am here most importantly God is there.

Hey @JordanGospodnetich,

Thanks a lot for sharing all of this. It’s not an easy thing to do, to accept to be vulnerable. I’m glad you are here. :heart:

I’m deeply sorry for what happened to you when you were young. Your father’s behavior was not your fault, and I hope you know that.

Also, questioning your own sexuality is totally natural. I personally struggle with my own faith so I won’t be a good adviser at all. But what I do know and deeply believe in today is that you are loved unconditionally. Regardless of what you’ve been through. And regardless of your sexual orientation.

Personally, I am heterosexual. But romantically speaking, I can fall in love with a man or a woman. It’s not a gender-related thing to me. I too was sexually abused in the past. And I guess it’s part of makes me feel/distinguish sexuality and romatism/feelings very strongly. I can fall in love with a person, but to me it’s never influenced by the gender of the person. And I know it’s different for everyone, which is absolutely okay.
Because of this, I often wondered if I was heterosexual or bisexual. I wondered for a very long time if something was wrong with me. The answer is: no. You don’t chose to love men, women or both. Which is what some people struggle to understand. Also why people can have hateful speeches towards LGBTQ+ community. And I personally think it’s horrible when people justify those with scriptures or any other spiritual messages.

I want to believe that we are how we were created. And those characteristics doesn’t make us more or less lovable. This Love has to be found in your heart. It’s about your own relation with God. But again, I’m aware that this is a personal perspective.

If you’d like to share your questions with the community, don’t hesitate to do so on Discord ( ) or during livestreams (

Maybe one of the books in the HS resources could help you too? Thinking about “The Embrace” especially, that you can check on here: - And get more informations in the Workbooks category of this forum: About the Embrace category.

Also, there’s a HS-friendly community that can be of a great help to you. Some of them are also active on Twitch if you want to check on their streams. I’ve been following them for a couple of months now. They’re willing to help and provide good insights.

Take care. You are loved, friend. :heart: