The title says it all. I hired an escort and had sex. Now I feel like there’s nowhere to turn, so I decided to come here. I feel like I’ve failed at being a Christian. I guess suppose those reading this will wonder if I was really a Christian at all. Please help
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Hello. Nice to meet you. Thank you for sharing. It means a lot to the community. I want to say is that you are not a horrible person. Everybody makes mistakes. It is up to us to take ownership, learn from it, and move on. I struggle with porn too. I fantasize and masturbate. In the end, it didn’t make me a happy person. I just have guilt and shame. Even when I relapse, I still feel it. I never had sex, so I cannot relate to your situation. I know sex is an amazing gift, it is only for marriage, and God made it beautiful. I encourage you to pray to the Holy Spirit to resist the temptation, get away from your bondage of sin, get back to the cross, and surrender to Christ. He is the only One who can transform your life. Just trust Him. If you want to vent more, this forum is open. I hope you are having a great weekend. Peace.
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Thank you for being so vulnerable. You are so loved. Even if you don’t believe it right know the truth is that you in forgiven and incredibly loved.
The things you struggle with and your actions do not disqualify you from being a Christian or from the love of Christ. Jesus died on the cross for you because he saw your life as a valuable treasure. The feelings of regret and shame do not come from him
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,”
Romans 3:23-24
Maybe try asking someone you trust and wouldn’t be judgmental to help keep you accountable. If that’s to hard this website is an amazing resource https://www.xxxchurch.com/get-help?gclid=Cj0KCQiA14TjBRD_ARIsAOCmO9Yvjw8H1fBxXJiEJ_d6bjUvpzAwHvKxlKk2-uzp-FQRmHWcjZhvLe4aAqDdEALw_wcB
You are not alone. As you try to come out is this please give yourself the grace for relapses. You are so brave for coming here. You have already been forgiven now it’s learning to forgive yourself.
With love
Loveinflyleaf
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You didn’t fail, you just being a human being that just do what it believes is right.
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Hey friend,
None of this makes you less Christian or a failure. I know how deep these tunnels can go and sometimes it really feels like you’ve gone too far to be forgiven. But I promise you, that is never the case. That is the beauty of the gospel, that Christ died for us while we were still sinners. He verbally forgave all of us, even those who physically killed him.
You are not alone. That resource @Loveinflyleaf shared looks great and the stats on there show that others are struggling with this too. Here’s one of those stats: 51% of pastors say porn is a real temptation. 51% of pastors. Of course that’s not a great reality, but I hope it helps you to realize that you are not alone and you are not passed the point of saving.
All of our journeys are different, but I can promise you that there is recovery from sexual addiction. And there is relapse. I’ve been there myself and I still struggle, but with repentance and work and striving to be better, you will heal and it will become easier.
Probably the number one thing that will help is accountability. I don’t have the best accountability right now and I have been struggling with addiction more recently, but when I had more accountability and deeper accountability things were much easier. So I would urge you to seek that, even if it’s uncomfortable. As long as you trust the person and they can listen without sharing it with others or judging you, it’s way worth it.
There is always healing. There is no sin that is not wiped clean by honestly seeking the Lord. You can do this. We believe in you.
God Bless,
Zachary
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AVJR, Loveinflyleaf, Spacecat, and zleif. Thanks for the responses, I’ll definitely look into xxxchurch. One of the hardest parts for me is recurring thoughts. I constantly think of what I did and it only hurts more. The only thing I do is continuously ask God to remove the thoughts from my head. Again, I thank all of you for your help and care.
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@Moowno2 a lot of that just comes with healing and time. I still struggle with reoccurring thoughts sometimes but it dose get better over time. 
️
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IF you’re questioning whether or not that you’re a Christian than you have already answered yourself. Am I saying you’re not a Christian? Not by any means. I met Christians who were very flirty and wanted to have sex with a heathen like me and had.
It is all the matter of perspectives and all the perspectives people have don’t matter one bit. The one perspective that does matter is “god’s” just kidding. Nope it is yours.
I am sorry that you feel like you’re a failure as a Christian. Let me make an assurance that when you mentioned Christian I immediately thought of Jesus Christ. So I don’t know if that helps or not.
I mean to me from the studies I conducted that there are a lot of people who are Christians that fail at being Chrsitians yet it has nothing to do with them “sinning” or being “sinners”. It has more to do with their taking on the mantle of “God” for themselves and handing out judgement on behalf of “God”. That is just my opinion that I guess doesn’t mean much because I am an Agnostic Pagan.
I personally applaud you. Not because what you did was not very “Christian”. Mainly because you had a problem, you made a decision and you solved the problem you had at the moment you had it.
The problem you solved was you wanted to have sex and desired sex. I am not encouraging a habit or anything. I am just explaining something from an objective perspective.
Wow this site is amazing - it’s historic that I am on here; and you I suppose are my first real person [I presume] I am talking to about this kind of thing, mainly now because I have been through exactly what you are now. This will not be a short note, but I will try to address your concerns and not simply tell you my story. Right to the point regarding God - I have learned that God knows how our lives will play out; and now that you have done what you did - it’s part of His plan. Sorry, I know that sounds odd, but hear me out. Each path we take is imperfect, some more so than others. One human took every right path - Jesus. That said, so you look at porn on occasion, and had sex with an escort. I did the same when I was a “wee lad” in my 30’s. I was lonely, and thought paying for sex would “scratch the itch”. [2 actually - 1 as a service I met at a motel, 1 at a “Massage Parlor”]. As you know, nothing could be farther from the truth - actually, having sex outside of God’s plan leaves the spirit empty. Ironically, dying to self is the only way to life and joy. I was there just hours ago, now I am in the dumps after being a voyeur today at the mall, and looking at porn tonight. For YEARS I still wake up at 5am after I was impure the day/night before. I will wake up tomorrow around 5am no doubt. I sometimes feel that I am in a loop beyond hopelessness - so I know how you feel. I hope my many years will give you some understanding about how I truly believe God sees us. God paid for every sin of ours when Jesus died. He still hates sin, but all our sins were paid for; so, right here and now stop feeling so bad - it will not ultimately stop you from sinning. He truly, truly loves you RIGHT NOW! God wants better for us than sin we return to. Only true sorrow for Jesus on the cross, and God’s grace will teach us to say no. Titus 2:2 - “It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,” SO - I tell you the truth, whoever you are - you have YET ANOTHER chance. Do you know why? Because God through Christ’s atonement gives you UNLIMITED chances to start over. The tricky part is that when we get stuck back in sin, it renders us unable to feel that we can return to God. You see, we trap ourselves. Satan somehow is involved and tries to steal, kill, and destroy us away from the Living God. However, once having believed in Him, we were marked with the Holy Spirit. The best we can do is [1]simply repent - “God, please reset me, I will die to myself now, and repent of porn and impure thoughts”. Perion - DONE. [2]Now, continue to die - DAILY. Minute by minute. Hour by Hour. It is the ONLY way. NOT PHYSICALLY, obviously. But to self. Do not gratify the flesh, but the Spirit. You know what to do. It will be minutes, hours, days at a time; but DIE to self. It’s the ONLY way. All that said - I ASSURE you, there IS freedom. In fact, you are free RIGHT NOW. Free to NOT look at porn. Simply die to yourself and change your actions. Then stay in the Word, Prayer, and Fellowship. I tell myself this SAME thing, NOW. I just had an “episode”. Truly, God wants me, each one of us to repent, for He has plans for us, practical plans, hour by hour to pray, email, text, help others, for us to grow in Him, and encourage others. It’s difficult, I KNOW, but things WILL get better as we die to our flesh. I hope this helps!
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Heya @Moowno2 Sorry for being late to the party! And thank you for writing!
Hey, this addiction is hard to fight and know relapse is part of it. You are a fighter, and you can get through it.
Do NOT give up and Keep fighting!!
God still loves you. John 3:16 NIV, Romans 3:23 NIV, Romans 6:23 ESV
God does love you. He never had to send his son for you but he chose to. For all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God, but the good news is you are saved by the blood of Jesus.
Hold on
Darian Halliday/DarianDaOtter
Twitch Streamer
@DarianHalliday
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