Need help moving on

From ergoitwill: Hi everyone, I am in love with a guy who is already in a relationship with someone. Can you suggest ways I can move on without cutting contact with him? I cry everyday, I just want to find happiness for myself.


It sounds to me as though the best thing to do if possible is to just let him know that will be there for him if he ever wants to reach out. I think that’s a bit different than cutting contact, but it also means that you will not be interfering with the relationship between him and this other person.

If you are intermittently in communication with him, it’s very unlikely that you will be able to move on.

Hey there :star2:

It’s obvious to me that you are dealing with some tough emotions. I want you to know that the community is here for you.

When someone is in a relationship but we have feelings for them, it can be a real struggle, I know because I’ve been there before, but your happiness should be your priority. You should always take time for self-care and let yourself cry or be angry - both of these are natural emotions.

As for remaining in contact with him, I’d take it slow and steady. Perhaps it would be good idea to set some boundaries so that you aren’t constantly reminded of your feelings towards him. I’m not advocating for cutting contact completely, but healing space is important.

You could also try to take up a hobby or an activity that you enjoy. This will help divert your mind from painful thoughts. A good thing to start is journaling or writing. This way you are getting all your feelings onto paper. You could also pick a musical instrument to learn - if that is something you feel like you would enjoy.

Moving on is very slow moving. It’s nowhere near a straightforward or linear process. You’ll find that some days are harder than others, but that’s okay. Your journey to happiness is important and that should be your main goal

You can do this! I have faith in you :green_heart:

From rohini_868: Also pay attention tonyour thoughts. Its easy to let our mind get carried away with daydreams aboit this person. If you pay attention, you willnsee what you’re saying to yourself. Eg of you’re doing dishes and your mind syatys to thinkmof him, you have to catch that thought and remind yourself that he is taken, and you don’t want to interfere with his relationship.

One method is memorizing a song you like, and once you caught yourself thinking about him, stattnhumming the song and pay attention to the words, the melody etc.
And if the thoughts keep coming, tell yourself that your task for the next five mins is to repeat this song from start to finish.

This might be able to break the almost automatic thoughts about him and give you some way to distract yourself until it get easier.

Hey ergoitwill! I totally get that feeling. It’s hard, very hard. Happiness for yourself is key. You should still be there for them and should want them to be happy as well. In my situation I tried to do things that took my mind off things and it did help at least in the short term to help separate those feelings. They may still be there and that’s perfectly okay