Need help with making a difficult choice related to school stuff [vent]

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hi! i’ve never used this before, so sorry if i’m doing anything wrong. if i am, please just like uh tell me :thumbs_up:

i’m not really good at talking to people, online or offline, but i’ve had this problem for a couple months and i just wanted to write it down. don’t feel pressured to reply or anything! i just needed to get it out to something and i don’t wanna bother people, so this seemed to work.

for around two or so years, i’ve been attending language classes. it’s an extracurricular thing i’ve enjoyed for a year and a half. it is a group setting type of class, and i’m older than everyone aside from the teacher, but i’m okay with it. it is what it is, you know?

anyway, i’ve had a lot of fun learning the language. it is a bit difficult due to it having unique characters and different intonation systems than i’ve ever learned, but i liked it! all the other kids were nice and the teachers were always patient and kind.

unfortunately, that passage was written in past tense. recently, i had to switch my teachers due to a technical difficulty. up until then, all of my teachers were quite relaxed and kind with me. this one? not… quite the same, i suppose. she is not bad or outright mean, she’s just… very strict, you could say. she’s very aggressive on correcting my intonation and a little bit rude sometimes, i guess.

i’m not blaming her or anything like that. i’m just mad and stressed at myself because of how pathetic i feel. the other kid in the group is really good at this language. she knows intonations really well, way better than i do. she actually recognizes characters. she understands the grammar and knows how to make sentences. and she’s half my age.

i feel so shameful and stupid whenever i get berated for the mistakes i make. i feel horrible cause i know it’s no one’s fault but mines. i should’ve paid more attention beforehand and stuff like that.

but i’m a coward. i hate feeling bad at what i do. i’m good at all of my school stuff, i always get good grades, why am i so bad at this? why can’t i get how to do it? i hate getting yelled at. i feel incompetent and so dumb. i know i’m overreacting, but my heart hurts and i don’t know how to make it stop.

so i’ve been skipping classes. i’ve been skipping a lot of my lessons. i just do the homework and study alone. it’s so stupid and i feel so pathetic. i’m wasting my mother’s money, i’m wasting everyone’s time, and i’m overwhelmed with guilt and shame, but i can’t. i just can’t join the class. i hate it so much. i hate how much i hate it.

i still love the language i’m learning, and i don’t blame anyone for my inadaquencies. i’m just lost. i don’t know how to move on from this. i’ve been stuck on this dilemma for months.

i don’t want to bother my mother or my father. i don’t want to be punished. i want to talk to them, but i don’t think they’d understand how i feel. they’ve never taken negative emotions that seriously. i don’t want to disappoint them.

what do i do? does anyone know how to get out of this rut?

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If it’s something you enjoy then it’s worth a little more effort on your part. Are there any language tutors that you could ask for help? Have you considered asking that other student for some advice or help with the things you’re having trouble with? It sounds like you’re concerned about the age difference with your fellow students. First, I’m going to say throw that thought out the window. We all learn at different rates. Some have a natural talent and others have to work a bit harder and that’s normal. You shouldn’t feel shame for having difficulties with something that sounds challenging. We all have something that we are good at. Maybe languages might not be that thing that you’re good at but that’s perfectly okay. I might be over analyzing this situation but you sound like me. I’m a bit of a perfectionist and I have trouble with doing things if I can’t get it right from the start. I’m 46 and still struggling with that. It doesn’t make your stupid or anything else like that. I really think you should see if tutoring is available or ask another student that is doing well for some help. It never hurts to ask. It’s better than beating yourself up or being so hard on yourself.

As for the parent situation, I would suggest that you talk to your parents about what’s going on. I don’t know what your parents are like but it’s better than suffering in silence. Maybe talk to them after you see if you can get help with the things you are having trouble with. That way you can show your parents that although you’re having difficulties, you’ve taken steps to get help. Either way you shouldn’t let this linger for too long. It will only make it harder on you and for all you know your parents might understand and have other suggestions. I would definitely seek help so that way your parents see that you’re making an effort to find a solution. I hope this helps. There is always a solution. Hopefully, I made some sense. Good luck!

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Learning languages is so hard! Even at school with someone who was from the countries we were learning the languages for, it was hard for me and most people. Especially if there hasn’t been a back ground of bilingual communication.

Unfortunately some teachers have different communication and teaching styles and may think the best way they can get something out of their students is the way that they personally found the best. They don’t always cater to everyone’s needs

@Starspirit made a wonderful suggestion with maybe seeking other students to help you.
This sounds like something you genuinely enjoy and are genuinely working hard towards, so I don’t think at all that you’re wasting anyone’s time or money.

Maybe if your parents don’t respond as well to negative emotion, you could try to phrase it in a way that shows how much you love doing it and are trying and learning, but you’ve been finding this particular teacher more difficult to learn from as their style is different from previous teachers, and then ask them if they have suggestions about how to approach this?

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I don’t know which language you’re learning, but have you tried duolingo to help, if you guys don’t have any other tutors? I think that something like that, or another language application might help you.

I’m sorry you get treated poorly for making a mistake, but it isn’t your fault. Sometimes our brains don’t retain information. I’m currently taking two courses (minded I have ADHD), and even giving my classes my 100% undivided attention, I still get confused when it’s quiz time. It sounds like to me you are studying. You are doing the homework. Are you taking enough notes that you feel will help you out? I don’t think it’s fair to you that you’re being treated this way. I’m glad you came here and asked for help. That’s a very big step!

I hope you keep us updated, I’d like to help you in any way that I can.

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Typically, as you get older, language is one of those things that’s harder to learn. My wife’s been studying Korean for ten years, and still can hardly read or speak it. There’s a kind of training that’s more immersive, but I don’t think she’s interested. I’ve made an attempt at Spanish, but can’t seem to maintain concentration. That’s probably a combination of age and ADD.

You might want to try Duolingo, or Rosetta Stone, as they’re self-paced and I think they may have some teaching strategies that your instructors don’t.

Regarding how long it takes to learn, each of our brains are wired differently, so comparing learning rate with others is like comparing beavers with birds. Compared to humans, both are geniuses within their own realm, but not too bright if both are being judged by their ability to ride a bike.

My IQ is embarrassingly high, but I had to take two semesters of “remedial math,” in order to be eligible for a degree program. Even those classes were a struggle for me.

Be patient with yourself. Pressuring yourself is likely to make the learning more difficult.

If you’re being berated for mistakes, you’re dealing with people with delayed development with regard to intellectual and emotional maturity. Their opinion has zero worth. Don’t let the attitude of such ass holes get you down.

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