Need opinions

Today, on Mother’s Day, my first boyfriend called and asked if he could drop off a gift to my mom that he had picked out with his mother today while they were out celebrating. He regularly likes to give small gifts to show his appreciation, including friends and family. Although my immediate family and I are not the same (we rather gift larger gifts on less occasions) I have learned to understand him and am very grateful for him, especially since he understands our point of view as well in terms of gifts.

My mom has spent the day at home, and doesn’t have any plans for the day since we haven’t celebrated any holidays for the past 5 years. When talking to him, he asked if he could drop a small gift by the house as a sign of appreciation since she was really nice when they met for the first time a month ago and that he was sorry that it was on such short notice. He also emphasized he didn’t want to go into the house since he knows how strict my mom is with guests.

The point is that we don’t have any spare gifts laying around the house and didn’t have food for entertainment. I say this in advance since this was the first argument she brought up. Afterwards, she started adding information like his mother was also on their way and that they were already close to the house. She also brought my father into the conversation and started telling him all of these invented details.

After having to stop the conversation that was going off topic, I told her that it was a yes or no question and that he was aware of the situation. My idea was that we could have politely said that we weren’t expecting guests over so we didn’t have anything ready, including our home and our appearance; moreover, that we felt bad that we we would love to plan another date for us to meet if possible.

My mom proceeded to say that this was an immature response and that everyone is always trying to interrupt her peace. And started planning with my father that they should lie and say that we went out to eat or something, since to them it felt more natural. She even started accusing me of lying and never saying all of the story.

In summary, I didn’t want to lie to him and told him that it wasn’t a good time and went to my room to cry because I genuinely don’t know what to do with these kinds of situations anymore with my mother. I didn’t dive into details with him and we haven’t said anything else to each other since.

What has caught me off guard is that I haven’t had someone so close ask to gift anything to my parents, and it seemed to me that handling the situation was a bit too much for something so trivial. Would it be more recommended for me to never had said anything and just meet with him away from the house to avoid any issues?

Hi @aa101012 ,

Welcome to HeartSupport! Thank you for sharing with us about what happened. I’m sorry to hear about how everything played out. I can imagine it must have been very stressful for you to go through. I think you did the best that you could at the time and with the situation. Given how close you are with your boyfriend, you not wanting to lie was very understandable, and actually the right thing to do. Your idea on a resolution was far from immature and I am sure your boyfriend would have understood. Did he want to give the gift to your mom/family directly himself, or is he okay with giving the gift to you and then you can let your family know that it was from him (since they have met him and know who he is). Maybe that can be an additional suggestion for the future that could help to avoid any misunderstanding or conflict.

I’m sorry that you had to go through this and that a kind gesture got so misconstrued. It must have been very frustrating. I do hope that your family was still able to eventually receive the gift. And I hope that you are feeling a bit better about what happened.

Your boyfriend seems like a good person and that was a really kind gesture. Try not to let your family’s reaction take away from the positive and happy feelings of having someone you care for do something kind. :white_heart: