So I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. We don’t live together but we’re hoping to some day so for now I usually spend the weekends with him at his house. I’ve enjoyed the fun times in our relationship but during our relationship I’ve done him wrong on multiple occasions. We’ve gotten through the rough times and now we’re back on track but over time i’ve realized that I don’t really want the relationship anymore. Now i’m not saying that to leave him and go lay up with other guys but I have goals and hobbies i would like to get back into and truthfully a relationship with him isn’t what i want anymore. The hard part for me is that whenever i want to confess my feelings to him i get nervous and back down. I honestly want to start over and love myself and do things for me again. I love relationships and i will always be the hopeless romantic of a Pisces that i am but i feel like i need to reevaluate myself.
Also at the same time…I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend because i know for certain he loves me10000% but he’s been hurt multiple times in the past but i can’t be in this relationship anymore…
Hey there and welcome to the community. I’m glad you came here and trust us by sharing what’s going on in your life.
To me it sounds that you are very clear about what you want and what you don’t want, even to an extent where you may have made the decision already for yourself.
The question is whether you want to discuss with him that you need more space and time for yourself within the relationship to pursue your goals and hobbies, or whether you really don’t want to be with him anymore. When you’re writing that moving in together has been a topic in the past, it would be fair to be honest with him and to not make further plans for a common future.
When you talk to him, be well prepared. That thought formed in your mind over a longer period of time and thus the separation process started for you already some time ago. He will hear this for the first time and will most probably be very hurt. You cannot avoid this, but staying with him only for that reason, perhaps even out of pity, that’s not what he deserves. There will also be a chance for him to find another partner who really wants to be with him, even if that’s not going to be his perspective on this right away.
That sounds like that you had doubts about this relationship in the past already?
I’m not sure if that’s on your mind, but do you struggle with having the “right reason” to end your relationship? That the reason is that you need time for yourself, maybe to find yourself, and to define your identity based on who you truly are and not as being someone else’s partner?
Or is there even something more than that? I don’t know what you mean by “I’ve done him wrong”, but it sounds like not being fully committed. Now you’ve sorted that out with him, and again your desire to not be in that relationship comes up. Are you scared to be fully committed to a relationship, to not have alternatives and backup plans in case he might not want to be with you anymore for whatever reason?
I think it would be worth to dig deeper and find the reason why you don’t want the relationship anymore - just for yourself, you don’t have to share it, but there is a potential to learn more about yourself from this situation.
That’s really a tough thing to deal with. Take time for yourself and to process how you want to proceed. You’re absolutely not a bad person at all for not wanting to be in a relationship anymore. Be honest to yourself and to your partner. Both of you deserve that.
Hello and welcome to HeartSupport. Be honest with your boyfriend and let him know how you feel. (My condolences to your boyfriend for needing to have this conversation.)
Hello Friend, welcome! Without knowing the whole story, it kind of sounds like you’re just done with a relationship. If I didn’t think I could achieve my goals and dreams with my current partner, I wouldn’t stay in with him. It’s just wouldn’t benefit anyone. I hope you have found a solution. ~Mystrose
Welcome to the community, Cbrown08! It definitely sounds like there are problems in your relationship. Maybe trying writing a letter so that you know what you want to say. Or write a letter to him and hand it to him and be there when he reads it. So that you can say what you want to and kickstart the conversation. Regardless of how in love you are with him or he is with you if the relationship isn’t healthy then you shouldn’t continue it. I wish you luck finding happiness in life and pursuing your goals. Good luck
Hi Friend, Good to meet you, Im sorry your relationship has not worked out but I think if that is how you feel and it seems that you really have had enough that the kindest thing you can do is be very honest and just tell your partner the truth and as kindly as you can, its fair to him and he deserves that kindness, that way the two of you get the chance to move forward and live you lives. I wish you both the best. Much Love Lisa x
I’m glad you came here and trust us by sharing what’s going on in your life.