Back to heartsupport

Need some help before it’s to late

I’m luke, I’m 25 years old, live down in Dorset and I need help

Basically here goes around 6 months ago my anxiety ended up destroying my life tore me away from my fiancée of 7 years and tore me away from my 2 beautiful kids. I lost everything my home, my friends and tore me from my family. All because I couldn’t speak out about my problems.
Around 2 years a go I went to my GP saying that my anxiety was getting in the way off my life as I have suffered all my life with it. But it started to get unbearable and I had thoughts of plowing my car into a brick wall. But I didn’t want to do that because of the little family and the home I made. Got put on many different medications. They felt like they was working but found they only masked the problem. So ended up doing one on one sessions to help bring myself out off this cycle. Seemed that I started to get control off my life. But my anxiety came back very shortly after that. I couldn’t speak to my partner how I was feeling because every time I would talk about it. It felt like I hit a brick wall. So in the end because of it. I ended up driving everyone away on no fault off my own. She left me around 6 months ago. I was living in my car. As I was to scared to ask for help. So in that time I’ve gone back to mental health team and still with them now. But in that time I’ve tried drowning myself, tried hanging myself and even got sectioned under the mental health act because of how my mind set is. But I find the longer I’m away from her and my kids. Harder my life becomes and the thought off finishing my life seems to get stronger. I’ve tried everything to prove that I’m trying to sort my mental health out. But feels like I’m getting no where.

So basically this is my last resort before I end up going for good this time. So I beg with all my heart for some help as nothing else seems to work.

1 Like

Hey Luke, what you’re going through is really intense and I am so sorry. It sounds like you have a lot of struggles right now, your fiancee left with your two kids, your home is gone, your friends, your family etc. That sucks. There is no sugar coating it, this whole situation sucks. I’m super proud of you that you reached out instead of doing anything drastic. It’s clear you love your kids, if you didn’t you wouldn’t have said “2 beautiful kids”. You’ve made some pretty clear progress in just 6 months. You got back with your mental health team and you are STILL with them. Progress takes time… lots of time. It is worth every second to get back on track. It sounds like you might need some more intense care then what you’re getting on the outside right now. Have you ever thought about going to check yourself into a psych hospital? They can watch you closely and provide much more thorough treatment that is life saving to millions of people including many of my loved ones.
Sometimes the best way to ask for help is to make an appointment and talk to your team about it, explain everything that is going on and how you’re feeling. Answering honestly is so important, even it is uncomfortable. On the rare occasion I have to do these forums to take my mind off of how I’m feeling I’ll get gum and focus on chewing the gum. I wish you best of luck, friend. We’re always going to be here for you.

Take it easy and hold fast,
Ethan.

2 Likes

Oh my heart. Luke, I am so sorry for all of the hurt and heart ache that you are carrying. I can relate to the crippling fear. It’s so hard. I know how challenging it can be to open up about the depth of it and deeply express to people what is going on in our minds so that they can understand. I mean, sometimes I don’t even fully know where all of the anxiety comes from and I just fall apart. I hear you. I see you.

I had a relationship that fell apart due to in part that we both struggled with a lot of mental health issues and neither one of us knew how to handle our own struggles let alone the others or how to properly be there for each other. Our communication was not very strong, so 15 years of relationship ended up crumbling apart. So I can relate on the level of the anxiety and mental health coming between you and your relationship.

I think it’s incredible that even though you have fought so hard with anxiety that you still managed to go to a doctor. That is a good step. That is a start. That counts as something. It shows that you have strength. You are trying. Medication and therapists can take a while to find the right balance for you, but when you find that balance it can be such a life changing thing. No, it doesn’t all change over night but in time, you can heal. Just stay as honest as you can with your doctors so that they know how to best help you.

Friend, your life matters. Everything that you are struggling with, experiencing and feeling matters. And you deserve to be heard. You hold value. You are worthy of love, understanding and support. Keep staying strong my friend, things can get better. And there is a community of people here who will embrace you for who you are. No judgement. You are among a community family. You don’t have to battle these feelings and thoughts alone.

I know we cant cure everything you are facing, but we can encourage you, support you, uplift you and be friends.

I’m going to leave you with resources okay? Maybe something here can be of help to you.

I know you are already seeing a doctor but maybe just in case you need a little extra, there is a 7 day free trial for online counseling through BetterHelp https://www.betterhelp.com/heartsupport

If things start to be too much, please reach out. Either here so we can talk you through it or here:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
1-800-273-8255

Or this text line:

Some other helpful resources can be found here: https://heartsupport.com/resources/
Dwarf Planet is an excellent book and guide through Depression. I myself am working through this book right now. I’m just taking it as I can. It’s really been helping with self reflecting and getting to the root of what is causing me to struggle and how to face those. Maybe this could be of help to you.

Hey friend, we love and care for you. We are open to you. We are rooting for you. If you need a friend know that we are here. Are you in our discord? Just in case you are not, here is the link: https://discord.gg/NFmGsE

My DM are open.
Stay strong.

  • Kitty
1 Like

Thank you 2 for your words. Just hearing someone wanting to help. Means so much to me. I live in the Uk So the numbers won’t work on my phone. But I do have help lines so thank you for sharing. But yes when I got sectioned by the police under the mental health act I went to saint Ann’s mental health hospital. Got seen by 4 different people so I had to stay there for a little bit but as it’s all on the NHS they only have limited resources as I can’t afford to go private. As I’ve been stuck on minimum wage all my life what doesn’t help my mental status. Also I forgot to mention as well I got diagnosed with having bi-polar disorder a month ago. so that’s another factor that doesn’t help my situation. I find I go one step forward then 2 steps back. I’m also constantly having mental breakdowns. But this is how high my meds are I’m prescribed anti-psychotics(QUETIAPINE). But basically I want to find away to keep my mind positive and stop me thinking off the dark thoughts I have. As I could easily end my life as I stand. But I don’t want to because off my kids as there everything to me but so is she. I just need help and advice to keep me on the straight and narrow. As I have death in the back off my mind nearly 24/7.

1 Like

Oh! Well I’m glad that you have some resources. There is also this: https://www.samaritans.org/

I can understand having minimum income as I also am very minimum income and do not qualify for health insurance. So it has made getting help very difficult. Like you, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I also have ADHD and PTSD. Which without being treated can be a challenge. So I completely get it.

Being Bipolar def has it’s challenges when working through relationships. You have to find what works for you and those around you. Communicate what best helps you when you are struggling or having spells. It’s something Ive really had to be aware of and work on. I had to take things that helped balance my moods. It made a huge difference for me. And has been a challenge without them. I also paired that with anti-anxiety.

I know sometimes it can be hard to find things to keep you distracted, but surely there are things that you enjoy? For me I have a huge passion for art. So I have been trying to embrace that more. I started making pen-pals so I could write and keep myself busy. That has given me something to look forward to in the mail. It’s actually been a huge boost to my mental health. What are some things that have helped you in the past in getting through these thoughts?

I have fought with suicide ideation most of my life. I have been hospitalized and in the ICU more than once. It’s been a tough journey. Last year around this time I went to have myself admitted because I just escalated to a dark place. But deep down I knew I didnt want to end my life. I just want to feel better. You know? The thoughts always linger but deep down inside of me, I dont want to actually give up. I don’t want to have to feel this way. I want to feel like I want to live. And I know how hard that can be when everything around you feels like its crumbling. When everything feels like an uphill battle.

But I continue to fight for things to do. DanMakesHisMark is streaming right now. He is one of the HeartSupport guys if you don’t know that already. You should come hang out with us <3

The Heart Support community and stream have been a huge part of my mental health growth in this last year. I stumbled upon them after I lost my health insurance. Just knowing that I have a community of people that values me, loves me and appreciates me gives me a mental boost in my day. You are welcome to be a part of that. You are a part of that. You are a part of this family already. So just know you are always welcome to reach out. That alone could help some of those dark thoughts.

<3

  • Kitty
1 Like

I’ve always kept my mind occupied with my cars but every time I’m behind the wheel now I always have thoughts off driving it into a wall. And find I’m always driving a lot faster hoping something will happen. But I just feel like I’m in a dark hole trying to reach for the light but further I reach. The darker the hole becomes. Talking to someone about it helps. But never takes the thought off losing everything. Like to be fair I’ll find out soon if this is gunna make me or break me. As I do feel like I’m barely clinching on to life. I’ve already got an escape plan but that’s my last resort. I’m just hoping this little bit of hope I’m clinching on to deep down inside me. Is gunna keep me going. But at the moment I’m very dault it. But thank you for your words.

1 Like

I hear you friend. Well, please stay strong. Keep staying open and honest with your doctors and therapists. There is a way out of this. I know what it is like to feel so hopeless, to feel like things wont get better. I know the life of nearly existing instead of living. Of feeling like there isn’t much left to give purpose or reason. I truly hope that you will continue to reach out. In those moments. But I get it. I pray for peace and healing for you. For strength and guidance.

You have a friend here if you need it.

1 Like