I feel bad always going to this website everytime I’m unsure about something, but here we go.
Update as of late; things have been going way too wrong lately, like I’ve lost all structure of my life. I’m relapsing into behaviors I never thought I would again, and I can’t seem to get enough of it at all.
I hate to admit, but I’m considering drinking, just to see how it goes. I’ve been looking for something to force me to relax for a long time, so this is my go. I have two liters of prison wine in my room, just beginning to ferment. Yet I’m a minor, and this is my first time drinking, so I’m pretty scared to be completely honest.
I don’t think anyone can convince me to throw it away. I tried inhaling bay leaf smoke, I tried burning myself, I tried everything I really could but this seems to be my only option to feel better.
My main point is to ask some tips on how to stay safe. I plan to only drink a few glasses or two, as prison wine won’t have the same affect on me as something like whiskey. I just plan to see how it goes the first time, as I don’t want to overdo it. In reality, I’m really just a pussy and I don’t want to screw up anything in my life.
Maybe I should throw it away, or maybe I should keep it for a bad day. I’m not entirely sure.
If it helps, here’s a little bit of information about myself:
F/15/110 lbs
I am so glad you reached to us marisol. It sounds like you have used HeartSupport and the wall in the past and I am guessing you have gotten some positive support and encouragement and that is why you keep coming back - never feel bad about that, it’s what we love to do! So, as far as the underage drinking and considering making and consuming your own homemade wine…well, from personal experience, it is probably going to taste terrible and you might not want to even smell it or taste it even if you do open it and think you want some. My best advice is to dump it and go out for a run…or a bike ride…or go to a movie by yourself, or even better, find an all-ages concert to go to near you. Find an outlet where you can have a positive high or connection with other human beings that doesn’t involve something illegal and/or something that might just make you feel worse.
I am 48 and have had a love/hate relationship with alcohol ever since I experimented with it when I was 16 and went on to abuse it from that age until about 26…and I am not here to judge anyone who does drink or doesn’t drink - everyone makes their own life choices. But I would say that there are healthier alternatives and getting a diffuser and using essential oils is actually something that I have found helps me relax and calm down (that and listening to some Pink Floyd in the dark in the bathtub…no joke)
So, we do want to help you out, and we want to meet you where you are at. Usually we at HeartSupport are here to give hope and support and offer a listening ear - but try not to give too much advice since that might be better suited for a professional like a doctor or therapist, but since you asked for direct advice, I’ll give it to you. Don’t drink the wine. And even if you decide to do it, we still love you. You will make decisions and mistakes in life and learn if they were good choices or not, learn from them and move on. Thats how I got to age 48 and now can have a beer here or there or a whiskey and enjoy it but not abuse it.
Take care, and I hope you can find a positive way to be whole, healthy, and feel good about yourself.
Help can be asked for in different ways, and I’m glad you reached out.
Firstly, you are always welcome here at HeartSupport - we’re in this together and here for you. In fact, we’re here because we need each other. We can’t do this alone.
I remember when I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and absolute depression that I just depserately wanted to be happy. That I could have sworn that I was doing everything right, but not matter what I did I just kept falling into that deep dark hole.
I eventually self medicated by smoking a bunch of weed (to take care of the anxiety) and then combined it with drinking alchohol. It’s easy to turn to these things when feeling like this because it offers a quick fix, but does nothing but initially cover up the pain and eventually spirals out of control to things that can completely alter your life…and not in the good kind of way.
I am thankful to have had a dear friend pull me out of that dark hole by being there for me as I was suicidal. I nearly acted, but he had me stay with him. In his company he had me call a crisis hotline and my family to tell them what was going on. I hated him for it at first, but I quickly realized this was the right thing to do.
The crisis hotline gave me immediate resources to help me out and my family was ready and willing to be there for me. I didn’t realize they cared as much as they did…and they were there for me in an instant.
My point in bringing that up is that it’s important to talk about it - and that’s what we’re here for at HeartSupport. We know what it’s like and are more than happy to share the things that helped us navigate out of the dark.
A really good place to start is to reach out to a resource through this link - Get Help | HeartSupport
Doing so will help you find the thing that takes care of that pain you’re trying to handle on your own.
I always want to say that I’m proud of you for reaching out on this platform. You’re not alone in your suffering and we’re here to shine a light out there in the dark so that you may find your baring and feel good again.
Stay in there my friend. Stay Strong.There is hope.
It okay to open up about our struggles and seek help…
Seems like you’re going through alot in you’re life and you’re not alone we make mistakes at times and change takes time as well. You can get through what you’re going through you’re not alone in this struggle and we are here for you. Yes, numbing the pain in life through different stuff may seem to numb it for a few minutes or hours but it only going to be temporary to numbing the pain that you are facing. Again, Feeling better takes time and getting over something does as well. We still make mistakes and bad decisions in certain situations but we also have a choice not to make that choice. Don’t use it is most likely tbe better choice and you can make it through what you’re going through
Hi @marisol ! It’s so good of you to reach out to us for help. It’s very important and very smart of you to recognise when you’re in need of another person and can’t handle it on your own.
You shouldn’t feel bad about reaching out to us when you need help. Every single person in here is having a hard time figuring themselves out and sometimes you need to have another person or more to help you figure it out for yourself.
Drinking while underage can sound like a fun adventure, but I’d suggest staying out of any prison wine as it can be very damaging to your body to even take a sip of that. There are many alternatives for relaxing that are safe and healthy that are better for you in the long run. Like running or other natural highs such as what @gravitykills24 mentioned above.
Bay leaf smoke inhalation sounds very new to me, but as someone, who’s grandfather died of being around smoke I’m down for some better alternatives. Personally I prefer bay leaves in stews and soups. There are some calming properties in tea and if you have high anxiety consider taking a habit for drinking green tea instead of other caffeinated beverages.
Staying safe you might need a safe adult-person who to confide with. There are several options for that and maybe something you can find out about at school or from a doctor. Depending on where you live your parents might not even have to know you’re seeing a person helping with your mental health, if that is an issue for why you haven’t seeked out professional help previously. You’ll feel more safe once you can unload your stress in a safe environment.
You can find much better alternatives to that prison wine so I would throw it away. There’s so many hobbies you can invest your time into and find that you can relax in that space of indulging into your passion. I get it that at a point of depression and anxiety it’s really hard to find healthy coping mechanisms to treat your pain, but your pain isn’t forever. I’ve been there with self-harm and down to my desperation to feel something good, but the marks you leave now might never leave you once they’re there.
I wish you all the best! Let us know how you’re doing, I’d love to hear if you found other ways to heal.
Please don’t feel bad about coming to us, we want to be here for you so please keep coming back. I’m glad you have found a place where you feel comfortable sharing what’s going on in your life. It takes courage to reach out and shows that you care and want change! Embrace that!
When things are going wrong in life, wanting to find a way to relax is understandable. When the structure in our life feels like it’s falling apart it’s a difficult to handle in the moment. However, using alcohol or other substances can create more problems, though it may feel good for a time, it can spiral fast. What worked for you before when you overcame the behaviors you’re relapsing into?
I don’t know what you’re going through or know what it’s like to walk in your shoes, nor do I have a crystal ball into the future. I’m familiar with feeling that there’s only one option to feel better (after cutting myself and headbanging trees). When I was 15, I began drinking to relax, not be so shy, overcome depression, to feel alive. It worked from that 1st drink. By 18 I was an alcoholic, what people saw on the outside for a long time was the opposite of the real me, I was miserable, yearning to fit in and hurting inside for many years. Three things that were a tremendous help towards [my] 11 years alcohol free were: 1) talking with a therapist to learn about me. 2) journaling my thoughts, feelings, ideas, dreams, and what happened just before an urge came upon me (learn my triggers). 3) walking outside clears my mind, nature’s medicine - oh and photography even with my iPhone.
You mentioned that you don’t want to screw up anything in your life, that’s not being weak, it shows that you care, maybe just desiring things to be better.
What can you try instead this week to distract your mind from those other behaviors? Is there someone you can talk with?
thanks for sharing, using essential oils sounds pretty interesting and i might look into it myself.
it does sound a little scary hearing about what alcohol really does to people, and how even one drink effects their entire lifestyle from there on out. hearing your thoughts really helped, so i’m glad you took the time to reach out.
thanks for sharing your story, it’s really great to hear your thoughts and what you think about my situation.
honestly the one thing preventing me from using outlets such as those is just the internalized feeling none of the people on the hotline really care about you. reaching out for someone who’s never really known you before feels impersonal, and just drives me to think they’d only say things to comfort you because it’s their job.
thanks for reaching out! you’re right about a lot of things, yeah i agree that i might as well find some other sources of release, but as of late it’s hard to stay motivated to do anything i’m interested. even hard to get out of bed…
bay leaf smoke is actually a form of aromatherapy, but it’s a habit i wanna get rid of because i have things like asthma and all the such.
i’m sorry to hear about your loss, i hope you’ve been doing better after that. again, thanks for replying
You’re not alone in your experience that hotlines feel off because of the impersonal aspect of it. When I was in a worse place and resorted to calling them it felt almost like a coin toss if I regret it afterwards or not. If you have any friends, who you feel safe to be around with you can boost your mood by getting yourself to spend more time with people, who genuinely care about you and how you’re doing. It can be even helpful for reaching to hotlines because feeling the love of your close ones makes the impersonal aspect more tolerable.
I gathered some strange article about bay leaf smoke saying it has anxiety reducing qualities. I hadn’t heard about it before. IF you have asthma I’d recommend you to find other ways to relax. I find warm showers with pleasant-smelling shampoos and body washes really nice and any other way to treat yourself that could feel like self-care would also work if shower’s steam is also bad for you.
In times when you feel it’s hard to even get out of bed it’s hard to receive these type of suggestions though and I completely get it. What could be a minimal effort self-care that could feel like a luxury? Have you tried doing jigsaw puzzles, diamond painting or something else to refocus yourself to the present or away from the anxious thoughts? Or maybe you could paint and decorate your nails, do facemasks or makeup to make yourself feel good in the present. Even something as simple as a really pleasantly scented hand cream can feel so nice
I’m glad you reached out. Life is very hard. I wish I could tell you that it gets easy, but that would be a lie. I think the best way to handle the troubles life inevitably deals out is to face them like challenges and try to make good decisions in them.
I can tell you that alcohol is not going to solve any of them. I know. I tried. All it does is cause more trouble because it makes you feel worse, costs you money you need for other things, and gets you “friends” you don’t need. Please don’t drink to solve problems.
Perhaps you should try a spiritual answer. Find the path that is right for you. For me, it’s gospel music. For others it’s nature. For you, it may be something else. Find a positive outlet for your life. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Being 15, I’m sure you finances are limited. If you want to try Christianity, I’m sure there is a church near you that would love to have you in their youth group. If it is nature, go to a park. Or find something else. Something positive.
I struggle too. Some days it seems nothing helps. I have self-committed. Maybe you need to do that. Be sure before you do though. No phone, no computer, limited contact with loved ones. It’s tough. But it is needed sometimes. I hope you find your answer. But know this. All of the people who have responded to your post care about you. All of us have been in bad spots and are still fighting. We need you.
I have been dealing with Bipolar disorder and addiction all my life. Three things i can suggested right off the bat. One do you have a therapist (physicist or any type of support system outside family and friends). If not, this is important because you need someone that is trained in dealing with kind of stuff. Two if possible take some kind of medication that can regulate your mood changes. If you mind is not in the right place, everything elses is just that much harder to deal with. Three is to find some kind of support system that elevates your life. People who are positive and uplifting that can hlep you deal with issues if thing’s get impossible for you to deal with at any given time. I would love to tell you that there is a majic pill or some easy way out but that would be a lie. God has help me through more difficult situations then anyone on this earth could every do. He help me be a survivor and never give up.
