Been meaning to write on here for a little while now, but just kept putting it off. I think mostly because I somewhat know what I need to do, but at the same time I am unsure on how to push forward with it.
So a while ago (on my birthday back in February actually) I parted ways with a toxic friend. Things generally felt better after that, but it seems to have lead to other things. I still don’t regret parting ways with that friend, nor do I plan on making amends. That specific part of my life is done, plain and simple. Now, I was also friends with her fiance. Things were fine for the first few months, he and I kept chatting and such when we were both free. I always figured it would get to the point where we just faded away, due to me having enough of their fiance and it had gotten to that point a few months ago now. I had partly expected this though, so wasn’t all that of a surprise and I reasonably fine with it.
Now, I’ve only really had 3 friends for the past 8-10 years or so, so this had left me with only 1. She and I were really good close friends. She introduced me to someone else to play games with and such, but they live 4 hours away (just some filler information). About a month ago now, this friend had decided she needed a fresh start and an opportunity has come up for her to do so. She told me to take care of myself and she was on her way… Now I feel like I have nobody pretty much, which as I am writing it doesn’t seem fair on the other person that was introduced to me as we have gotten pretty close now. I mean it in a physical sense though. I spend most of my time alone and don’t even have any friends that I can just call around too like I used too, just to have that bit of company. It hasn’t gotten to the point where I can’t continue on of my favourite anime’s, The Seven Deadly Sins, because all I can think of while watching it is what would that last friend think to this part, as we would always talk about it when the new season/movie came out.
Now, I know what I need to do… Or should I say I think I know what I need to do… I need to spend some time now just focusing on myself. For a while I’ve wanted to start archery and I’ve wanted to go to a gym. I pretty much have a schedule in mind to work around work hours as well. I just can’t seem to motivate myself to get started. Anxiety gets the better of me with the thought of being among such groups, but I know it will better my depression if I just get out there and start doing things. I just need to figure out how to keep my motivation up to keep up with these things.