Need to focus on me

Been meaning to write on here for a little while now, but just kept putting it off. I think mostly because I somewhat know what I need to do, but at the same time I am unsure on how to push forward with it.

So a while ago (on my birthday back in February actually) I parted ways with a toxic friend. Things generally felt better after that, but it seems to have lead to other things. I still don’t regret parting ways with that friend, nor do I plan on making amends. That specific part of my life is done, plain and simple. Now, I was also friends with her fiance. Things were fine for the first few months, he and I kept chatting and such when we were both free. I always figured it would get to the point where we just faded away, due to me having enough of their fiance and it had gotten to that point a few months ago now. I had partly expected this though, so wasn’t all that of a surprise and I reasonably fine with it.
Now, I’ve only really had 3 friends for the past 8-10 years or so, so this had left me with only 1. She and I were really good close friends. She introduced me to someone else to play games with and such, but they live 4 hours away (just some filler information). About a month ago now, this friend had decided she needed a fresh start and an opportunity has come up for her to do so. She told me to take care of myself and she was on her way… Now I feel like I have nobody pretty much, which as I am writing it doesn’t seem fair on the other person that was introduced to me as we have gotten pretty close now. I mean it in a physical sense though. I spend most of my time alone and don’t even have any friends that I can just call around too like I used too, just to have that bit of company. It hasn’t gotten to the point where I can’t continue on of my favourite anime’s, The Seven Deadly Sins, because all I can think of while watching it is what would that last friend think to this part, as we would always talk about it when the new season/movie came out.

Now, I know what I need to do… Or should I say I think I know what I need to do… I need to spend some time now just focusing on myself. For a while I’ve wanted to start archery and I’ve wanted to go to a gym. I pretty much have a schedule in mind to work around work hours as well. I just can’t seem to motivate myself to get started. Anxiety gets the better of me with the thought of being among such groups, but I know it will better my depression if I just get out there and start doing things. I just need to figure out how to keep my motivation up to keep up with these things.


Hey @AnxiouslyAlone,

Thank you so much for being here. I hear that it’s taken you quite some time and inner reflection to consider reaching out here. You can be proud of yourself for overcoming any fear and doubt while doing so. You are in a safe space, with people who only try their best to lift each other up during tough times.

I think mostly because I somewhat know what I need to do, but at the same time I am unsure on how to push forward with it.

Knowing what to do is already a great step as long as the perspective is healthy of course. It means you’ve already progressed and are moving further in your personal journey. It also means you have a better understanding and awareness of your own needs that you had X weeks or months ago. So, well done already. Getting to that point of knowing what would be your next steps is already huge. Now, as you said the “how” question remains, and it’s absolutely okay to take your time to figure out the answers that would make sense to you and apply to your situationg. Meditating on this “how” question is another aspect of moving forward and healing. It is a process in itself that you are brilliantly engaging yourself in. I hope typing out all of this post that you shared is going to help nurture your thoughts and find your answers.

As for your friends and how things have been this year, I’m really sorry. It is brutal to part ways and just have to take distance with people we’ve shared life with. Although you’ve handled it pretty well, it is still frightening to come to the point of thinking that you might have lost your entire social circle. It is, in itself, certainly a challenging life experience. One that woulld push you to seek different routes in the future in terms of socializing and creating new friendships, whether you are a people person or not.

Loneliness in itself is not a fatality. There is on one side, the important of learning to be comfortable with yourself if that’s not already the case. With time, to learn to turn “loneliness” (something negative, empty) into “solitude” (the opposite - something fulfiling, recharging, nurturing as we learn to appreciate our own presence and company).

On the other hand, there is as you said the socializing side of it. Meeting new people. Creating new bonds. Overall, creating new opportunities by putting yourself out there. But then there’s this anxiety interfering with your projects and making you doubt of your abiity to get there. As an anxious bean myself, I get it. It has made me self-reliant and pretty solitary for most of my life. I’ve had and have amazing friends, but my close circle is very small, which makes me sometimes afraid to lose it entirely, because I know that meeting new people would be a real challenge to me.

It is hard to put ourselves out of our comfort zone. However there is strength to find in our intuition and the knowledge of what needs to be done. With anxiety, we need to do things while being anxious anyway. The fear is not going to go away. But it’s going to reduce itself the more we try, the more we get familiar with new places, environments and people. It’s a learning process in itself, one you can see as similar to learning a new skill. You a re not expected to do everything and know everything at first. As you’ve mentioned the archery and mind - which are amazing ideas by the way -, then make sure to take it easy. Aim for small steps first. Don’t expect to be amazingly comfortable and extremely social at first. Just try your best to get more familiar with the place itself at first, and the nex schedule. Then opportunities will arise more and more. As you said it IS something good to try for so many reasons, even if it is scary. What is right can be scary! That’s actually often when it’s worth it, because it means we are putting ourselves out of comfort zone and creating change in our life. That’s how we learn, improve and grow. I believe in you and your ability to follow that process, to follow your intuition and to not give up while being on that road. Through it all, you can count on us to encourage and support you as much as possible. You will definitely not be alone! You are already not alone right now.

I believe in you. :hrtlegolove:

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