Well after trying so hard to not choose this it is coming to me that what really am I worth any more. Right now all it feels like is that there isnt a better time than now to just end it. My fight feels over. My fucking fight feels over and I dont want to deal with anything. After everything I thought was going so right in my life with getting out of such a bad environment and moving half way across my country to a city I didnt know to live with someone I thought cared about me. Than to be treated like a stupid idiot I truly am by the family I cant handle it. I legit cant handle it any more. After fights of who did what shit and being told one thing to just be blamed for something I heard. To feeling like my life is meaningless and that I should just screw it because I cant find this or that. I just want it to end and right now all I see is a pitch black tunnel before me. No hope nothing is left why do I keep not letting myself finally give up. I just want to stop fighting and thinking and hearing my mind screaming shit. My entire life so far feels like what is the use of it. I know the scars I have dont ever seem to heal. Atleast if I leave the world I dont have to deal with the emotions and pure hate of myself I have. But than again why do it because of what is going on. I feel like I just screw up everything and I dont want to do that any more. I dont want to be this fucking screw up I dont want to feel this pain of loosing so much. I dont feel cut out for this world at all. It isnt meant to have Ash in it it feels.
I really wont go into detail but I am just so freaking upset and it feels like the things I held on too are so far away. Like some are closer physically but it doesnt feel like it. Right now my hope is gone my love for myself is gone. I need the one thing I thought might help my support family, the family that I love and loves me.