Never felt this bad in months

Hi. So as many of you know after years of photographing I did my first shooting as a model today. It wasn’t a complete disaster but damn…not a single photo worth posting.

Problem is: I work as an online influencer (insert laugh here) and it’s been my job since last year. However, I’ve always been behind the camera and almost never in front and always cut my face off in photos (I shoot stuff alone and I don’t like my face) but the agency I work for wants my face on the gram. So do others interested in my work.
I said ok, let’s do that, but now I feel completely powerless and unworthy, as I can’t do my job anymore. Shooting today was fun, but pics aren’t good enough (I take way better quality photos unfortunately) and now I’m out of new material to post. I’ll have another shooting tomorrow, one on Monday and probably another next week. However, I feel like it will always be like this. I need this job to pay for my studies and stuff, and I invested a lot of time and money into it and I cannot go back or quit. However, I feel almost no reason to actually keep going.

Will it be better? I feel like a complete idiot wasting his time. I know not having photos to post is no big deal, but I live with this and I need new stuff. And I need my ugly face in it.

Please send your best advice/support. I’ve never felt this bad since March.

Edit: shooting was good today. It felt more natural and I managed to get some good pics out of it. I still feel out of place, and I also fear all of the people I know will make fun of me because of this thing.

I get it! I’m not photogenic at all. I look better in person then I do in photos. Living in a society where “social media defines” who we are is ruff, especially when most of us have insecurities and do not like ourselves in photographs or even in a mirror. I tend to avoid mirrors some days. I wish I could give you advice on how to help you feel better and more confident. I can not but I can relate to feeling ugly and wanting to delete every picture. Try to not be so consumed with the pictures and remember social media doesn’t define who you are.

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I know it doesn’t, but it’s my job. That’s why I’m so concerned. Location and lighting today was shit honestly, there are maybe two photos which are good, but don’t fit with my type of work that much, that’s the issue.

I know very little about photography. The research I did do (Especially in the modeling aspect). A lot of time a photographer can take almost a hundred photos and find only a few. (If not several) So don’t be discouraged. Your success will be in your consistency and finding that one aspect whether it is you taking a “selfie” (professional manner) or finding that fellow compatriot that can catch that greatness in you. Don’t lose hope.

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Yeah, sometimes you take 200 photos and not even one is worth it. Let’s see how it goes today