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Never thought I would see myself on here (edited)

My whole life is literally a story of me feeling envious over other people.

I will try to keep it brief and simple. wish I had the time to explain in detail the amount of shit I have sacrificed for my friends just so they could be happy (I have been close friends with them for nearly 8 years) (Im 21 next year) I will buy presents, coach and listen them through tough times, meet up with people at 4am in the morning even though it doesnt benefit me, I have even forgiven some of them for snakey ass shit like stealing or all getting it on with the girl I have been in love with for nearly 8 years. I dont fucking understand it, all I want in return is for them to do the same but even to get them to do the bare minimum for me seems to be a struggle. I know this bit is a small matter but it makes me so upset because I have been dealing with it for years, most of them seem to be embarassed they wont take photos with me, won’t allow me to post photos of them and never mention me publicy on a post, comment or anything related to me they wont publicy post.

Its even fucking difficult just to get them to respond to something I tagged them in. Like today someone bought my girl mate an advent calender and she was thanking them on her story, when I have bought her unbelievable shit I can barely get a thank you. If it was just that I wouldn’t be bothered that much but its also the fact atleast 70% of the time she will message me when she needs to borrow money or weed lol. Another example is another one of my close girl mates (the one i been in love with) posting photos of one of her mates with its their birthday and they are barely ‘close’ but when its mine I cant even get a happy birthday dm and we been close for EIGHT fucking years. Everytime I bring up these issues to most of my mates, they would either flat out act like Im being delusional or flip it on me by bringing up something I did ages ago or saying I shouldnt do favours if I want something back? Am I asking for too much?? 90% of the time I wont even bring it up unless they start talking aggressive. I have literally bought this girl years of presents treated her like a queen and cant even get the bare minimum in return. Its not just her either its literally all my mates. I dont know whats so bad about me lol. I have been down the dark path of suicide before and i dont want to go there again but its so hard and it makes me so upset. Idk what to do please help me out guys I have been dealing with this shit for years and cant take no more :frowning: Thanks for taking the time to read it. I appreciate it. Its not as simple as comfronting them either as they will be ignorant and refuse to acknowledge any responsibility.

The shit I stated on there is the bottom of the barrell there is so much other shit like me letting them borrow money and loads of other shit a normal person would go out of their way for their close mates…

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Hi 11sims,

I am sorry you are going through this right now that it is causing you pain. I don’t really have advise for you or the explanation, but I wanted to tell you, you are not alone when you feel like this. I have been trying to work out this conundrum myself for a long time, and so I thought I would just share my thoughts over the years on it, (though I could be completely wrong) :wink:

I think in part it is because we always expect people to act in the same way we do. If we were someone that steals we would be distrusting of others expecting them to steal. In that same way we are naturally generous people always putting others before our own needs, and we sort of expect other people to think the same way. But they don’t. I have come to peace that we are not all wired the same way, so it bothers me less when people don’t consider others before they act or put themselves out for others. I still do my thing, I just don’t expect others to any more.

On the other part, again only my random thoughts on it looking at my own issues. I don’t know if you have this issue also, but along with always putting others first is, I have very little self worth. One of my theories is I’m putting this across to others. I’m always doing what I can for them, people pleasing along with it, and putting very little value out there on me, and they pick that up, I am dismissive of myself, so they also become dismissive of me.

They put effort in with others because they feel the need is there to do so, they are concerned more about their reaction if they don’t because that other person has put them self across as someone that matters.

Now this part I’m still working on, so as I said not really advice I’m still trying to work out how to change this bit, but in the mean time, when I see a post or something else triggers I take a breath, try to think why it’s bothering me so much and then try to let it go. I do nice things because I want to, not because I want them to post or say thank you, yes it hurts a little when I see someone else get a different reaction, but I try to separate the two. because it’s not really the credit for the thing I want, it’s the feeling I’m less worthy I get from it that’s really bothering me.

Wishing you well, and if you do work it out, maybe share what worked back :wink:

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