My whole life is literally a story of me feeling envious over other people.
I will try to keep it brief and simple. wish I had the time to explain in detail the amount of shit I have sacrificed for my friends just so they could be happy (I have been close friends with them for nearly 8 years) (Im 21 next year) I will buy presents, coach and listen them through tough times, meet up with people at 4am in the morning even though it doesnt benefit me, I have even forgiven some of them for snakey ass shit like stealing or all getting it on with the girl I have been in love with for nearly 8 years. I dont fucking understand it, all I want in return is for them to do the same but even to get them to do the bare minimum for me seems to be a struggle. I know this bit is a small matter but it makes me so upset because I have been dealing with it for years, most of them seem to be embarassed they wont take photos with me, won’t allow me to post photos of them and never mention me publicy on a post, comment or anything related to me they wont publicy post.
Its even fucking difficult just to get them to respond to something I tagged them in. Like today someone bought my girl mate an advent calender and she was thanking them on her story, when I have bought her unbelievable shit I can barely get a thank you. If it was just that I wouldn’t be bothered that much but its also the fact atleast 70% of the time she will message me when she needs to borrow money or weed lol. Another example is another one of my close girl mates (the one i been in love with) posting photos of one of her mates with its their birthday and they are barely ‘close’ but when its mine I cant even get a happy birthday dm and we been close for EIGHT fucking years. Everytime I bring up these issues to most of my mates, they would either flat out act like Im being delusional or flip it on me by bringing up something I did ages ago or saying I shouldnt do favours if I want something back? Am I asking for too much?? 90% of the time I wont even bring it up unless they start talking aggressive. I have literally bought this girl years of presents treated her like a queen and cant even get the bare minimum in return. Its not just her either its literally all my mates. I dont know whats so bad about me lol. I have been down the dark path of suicide before and i dont want to go there again but its so hard and it makes me so upset. Idk what to do please help me out guys I have been dealing with this shit for years and cant take no more Thanks for taking the time to read it. I appreciate it. Its not as simple as comfronting them either as they will be ignorant and refuse to acknowledge any responsibility.
The shit I stated on there is the bottom of the barrell there is so much other shit like me letting them borrow money and loads of other shit a normal person would go out of their way for their close mates…