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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to BLACK by PearlJam
Never thought something like this could happen to me. But five years later this song is so true in my life. I made a choice to walk away from the person who became my entire world to protect another’s heart while tearing mine into. I wanted to die for over a year. It always haunts me and I try and fill the void of loss with many wrong choices. I understand the lyrics of seeing the world black. The day it ended shaded every day since in a less bright light. I do not see the vail removed till I am gone. I have climbed back to normal somewhat with medication for severe clinical depression. ADHD. Etc. But I know my life will never experience real joy again.
Thank you for having the courage to reach out to us, I know the numbing feeling of depression and the emptiness it brings. You’ve described feeling like the brightness and joy of life has been shaded in grey and its hard to see where it can end.
But please keep pushing forward because I promise you that your life has a purpose and your inherent worth brings with it a light that cannot be taken from you. I know in the depths of depression and when the executive dysfunction hits hard it feels like the sadness is simply who you are but I can tell you that you are not going through this alone. I’ve been where you are and I promise you that if you keep going, be patient and kind to yourself then slowly the brightness will return.
I am sorry that your life changed so drastically and it hurt you so much… being close to someone like that and then having world turn upside down, even if you made that choice… that just had to be so hard… Feeling sad and then getting to this dark place called depression is something that i see happening a for reason… these emotions are so damn hard on us but valid… real…
Me being there felt so depleted of energy… of willing to get up to move on and do something that made me happy just few months back… i know that feeling… it suck all air out of room.
I respect you for fighting, for the fact that you made somehow back to your life. It couldn’t be easy, and here you are… seeing some sunlight and feeling that warmth when looking up… this is so important!
I dont know much of your story but the fact is, you progressing, small steps and you are moving forward to the real joy as you said… it does not have to be quick, it may take time and effort… but i want to use your words you have “climbed back”
Now with your strengh, your direction, attention to that, you can keep climbing to become joyfull, to become happy with small things… i wont tell you how, but i know you can do that , you already DID
