Recently I left behind everything I know for a chance at something better. I quit my job and moved across the country with a roommate because I could. I figured now would be the time to risk it all and try to make something out of myself. With this move has come stress beyond anything I’ve felt before. I haven’t got a good nights sleep in months, my eating habits are out of control, and I’m having breakdowns regularly.
My mind has always been a mystery to me because some things don’t bother me at all while others will drive me to madness. I have learned a lot about myself in the past year and almost none of it I like. I’m selfish, cold hearted, bitter, weak, and fragile. There is so much trapped in my mind that I can’t comprehend a place to start to explain what’s running through my mind. I’ve walked through hell and have the scars to prove it. I’ve been on top of the world and been below it. I’ve seen the most beautiful of things and have seen what should never been seen. I’ve done all of this for 21 years on my own. I’ve never been to a therapist and have only had a handful of close friends I’ve allowed to take a peak into my reality. It feels like the weight is crushing me now. No matter how I try to ease this tremendous burden, it seems to be too much for me to bear.
The hardest part is admitting that I’m lost. I’m helpless. I’ve done and tried all that I know to do and here I am. Crying myself to sleep for the god knows how many time. I know I need therapy but I have no money to my name. I have almost nothing of worldly things, just a lot of burdens and no real way to get rid of them.
I will preface this by saying don’t give up. I once moved and with it went my comfort zone. Left everything I knew and started upon a journey of my adult life that had brought me to today. With it came a lot of challenges and new problems I never would of faced otherwise. I grew up a lot with that choice. It made me a better person in the end. Though in the initial move it was hard. Perseverience was the only thing that kept me motivated. Looking at the brighter side of things did nothing for me. It wasn’t until I had found friends and began to make the move my own I began to calm myself. So try to keep on making it through. You will find yourself better after. And you can be proud in your resolve and strength. You are doing so well by keeping the fight going. You will be able to get through this. I know it!
You’ve already done the hardest part by coming here, being vulnerable with us, and sharing. I’m proud of you!
I too recently packed up my life and moved to a new state to live on my own.
It’s only been a few months and I still find myself adjusting.
This whole new chapter of my life is way out of my comfort zone. And there have been times where I’ve had breakdowns and just had to cry alone at home because of all my new stresses and burdens.
New chapters in our lives are stressful to adjust to. But they’re also amazing opportunities to give us fresh starts to change and grow.
Sometimes, it takes new chapters in our lives to give us the opportunity to really learn about who we are. And with this new chapter in your life you’ve learned a lot about yourself. And it’s NEVER too late to change who you are.
It’s incredibly difficult to change, but you can absolutely take active steps in your life to change from being selfish, cold hearted and bitter to someone who is selfless, empathetic, and caring.
Plus, I think it’s important acknowledge and be weak and fragile because we can’t always be strong. Nor should we be expected to do so. And that it’s ok to be vulnerable.
Start getting into a good bedtime routine.
Wrangle in your eating habits! Eating healthier meals will help your body feel better.
(I struggle with this one myself. I’ve fallen into the trap of stress baking and eating sweets and treats when I get stressed LOL)
Exercise! Getting good exercising can help you sleep later at night.
Find an outlet to vent out these stresses. You’ve already got one here at heartsupport, so please don’t hesitate to continue posting and sharing the things going on in your life that are stressing you out.
You mentioned you have some friends that you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with. Continue sharing with them as well.
I’m also a firm believer in having creative outlets as well to help get through stress and the burdens of life.
You mentioned not being able to afford a therapist, but there could be some resources around you locally, or through your health insurance provider, that can allow you to see a therapist for free or at a low cost.
I hope some of this helps! Quitting your job and moving definitely is a huge risk and so stressful. But it’s also incredibly bold and courageous. And I think it’s awesome that you were able to have that kind of opportunity and chose to seize the day!
Hang in there and take it one day at a time. And please, feel free to continue coming here to heartsupport so we can help share your burdens and lighten your load.
I am so so proud of you for posting. This is cherished.
I want you to know we are here for you. I know you have been in the HS community for a long time- but even if we have been here for a while it’s still hard to post- but you did it, and I’m proud of you. I encourage you to post when you feel lost or unsure- or maybe find a trusted friend you can talk to. Please just reach out- it really helps.
