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New here and not doing well

I’m not sure if I’m doing this right or not as far as sharing goes, but I’m in a long distance relationship and my partner got herself a plane ticket to go visit someone I considered a friend. We all play the same mmorpg and I’ve known this ‘friend’ longer than I have my, what I’d like to called girlfriend but unsure if she still is or not, and I found out that she was going to visit him without telling me a word and I only found out because his mother sent me a message by mistake. The girlfriend says that she’s doing all of this because she felt like I didn’t care about our relationship anymore because I’ve been very distant, and I’m not blaming her for feeling this way, because I haven’t shown her the attention she truly deserves in a while. I’ve dealt with heartbreak a few times in my life but none of them have hurt me like this, I feel like I’ve actually lost a huge part of myself and I’m feeling incredibly empty now. Depression has been a part of my life since I was in my early teens, I had lost an aunt I was very close with, my parents split up, and my home burned down all within a fairly short time and even though things moved on and I started to feel a little better, I wasn’t able to kick the depression. When I got the message from his mom it felt like everything just came falling down on me and I’ve tried to keep hope the last two days but something snapped in me today and I went into my dad’s room where all of the guns we own are kept. I picked up the handgun he keeps by his bed and the magazine beside it and I was ready to finally end my life, I have no idea what exactly changed but I started having issues breathing normally and decided to go outside instead. I’m not sure if I could’ve actually pulled the trigger or not but I’ve had some time to calm down and I feel a bit more stable now. The hope I had for being able to stay with this girl and make things better is almost completely gone now but I still feel that she’s worth fighting for. As of right now I don’t think anything has happened between them but I can’t help but picture them together and it’s slowly eating away at whatever’s left of me. I guess that’s it for now, thank you for listening.

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@hopethishelps

I’m sorry this happened. Betrayal is terrible. You are in a bad season for sure. I encourage you to keep reaching out to anyone you know and love, and do your best to keep moving forward. Don’t let it get you down. I hope you are resting tonight. Thank you. God loves you.

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I broke down crying just reading your reply, thank you so much for spending your time to read it and respond, I didn’t really expect anyone to say anything so soon. <3

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I feel your pain. My ex went for a drive across the country, ostensibly to get the rest of her stuff she hadn’t been able to move down with. I will always be haunted by our last encounter: she gave me a kiss goodbye and said “I’ll see you in a week, I promise.” After a week she said she wanted more time up there, and a few days after that she said that, “with some clarity,” she didn’t want to be with me anymore. Within a couple days, she had posted pictures of herself, dressed to kill, in a hotel room with her ex. I feel the gut punch, hear my pulse pounding in my ears, and feel the earth falling away from me.

Long distance relationships are hard to begin with, and that goes for both of you. Maybe she cracked. Maybe she’s checked out of the relationship, or maybe she’ll realize she made a mistake and come back asking for your forgiveness. Maybe she’ll be a chicken shit like mine and use one excuse or another to say she wasn’t “technically” cheating on you. Or there may be a slim chance that this isn’t what you think it is. In any case, she doesn’t necessarily owe you an explanation, and if she doesn’t offer one then that tells you where your relationship stands. If she offers an explanation though, you owe it to her and yourself to listen to it and consider it in case it is some kind of misunderstanding or mistake. Then you have a choice to make. Do you love her enough that you don’t want to abandon the relationship without trying to repair it? Can you really and truly forgive her while maintaining your dignity? That means not just putting it in the past and moving on (I’ve done that before too), but really letting it go. Can you rebuild trust with her?

Whatever you decide, however this plays out, it’s going to hurt for awhile. Be kind to yourself, but be humble too. If there’s something in the relationship worth saving, don’t end it based solely on principle; but show yourself enough respect to not just cling to a broken relationship for the sake of companionship. I wish you well, friend.

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